


above inferior

by EasyPeasyPanic



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But he's my piece of shit and we're fixing him, Character Death, Danzou is a piece of shit tbh, Danzou sees dead future Danzou's memories basically, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Its dark bc Danzou did bad things but it's not always bad, Let him get his shit together okay? Then we get the happy, M/M, Memory Alteration, Multi, Mutual Pining, Protective Team, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Someone needs to call Tobirama out and also make him admit his feelings, Someone needs to help Madara and here Danzou is, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Touka, These tags are making this seem darker than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EasyPeasyPanic/pseuds/EasyPeasyPanic
Summary: (In the quiet of the road, he daydreams. A boy's screaming. And then a girl. A boy, a girl, a woman, a man, all shrieking in his ears, begging and pleading and not shutting up. Why aren't they shutting up--)Weeks after his Academy graduation, Danzou begins to have visions of his future. Armed with these new experiences and horrified at what he sees, he does his best to fix what he's going to destroy, fix what broke by itself, and try to leave a different mark on Konoha.
Relationships: Sarutobi Hiruzen/Shimura Danzou/Uchiha Kagami, Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 173
Kudos: 924
Collections: An Uchiha's Hoard, Lovely Pieces, Real Good Shit, fffffffff, why im sleep deprived 💖✨





	1. do you see what i see

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first of all, Danzou is my boi. But he's a bad guy, and I feel like if things had been different, he might have turned out different. 
> 
> Because y'know, monsters aren't born, they're made. So here I am, fixing my boi.

* * *

It's something between desperation and useless hope that drives him to  _ fight _ , desperately and relentlessly again Hiruzen. Everyone knows what it means to have been invited to partake in today's Academy demonstrations, everyone has whispered Tobirama-sama coming to observe in search of students. His uncle had been firm in his belief that Danzou ought to be the first chosen, the best of them all, a credit to his clan. 

_ You'll do better this time _ . His uncle had commanded. Failure wasn't an option. It had never been. 

And he'd tried desperately to show off any of his skills, barely managed to contain the burst of wild chakra that filled his limbs as he prayed to demonstrate a Ninjutsu technique, to show off his mastery of the chakra elements. He wasn't asked to demonstrate. That honor was given to Akimichi Torifu and Kaito Sana. 

He wasn't skilled at Genjutsu, not in the same regards as the rest of the Academy students, but he isn't chosen for that either. Uchiha Kagami, Mitokado Homura, and a boy from the Kurama clan are chosen to show basic illusions and present to the visitors and Tobirama-sama. 

It doesn't surprise him in the least when Uchiha Kagami has to add something spectacular and highly inappropriate like dancing monkeys into his illusion. (He's envious of the boy's confidence and drawn to his goofy smile, however.)

Utatane Koharu shows off her perception skills flawlessly, offering a sharp smile to the Nara kunoichi that shrugs her shoulders and doesn't even try. Danzou could have done that. He's sharp-witted and perceptive, but he isn't chosen. 

He's chosen for taijutsu. Against Sarutobi Hiruzen. As soon as it's announced, Danzou takes a deep breath and prepares to lose. 

He does well, considering. At first, he matches Hiruzen blow for blow, just as fast and agile as the other boy. But then he gets struck in the face. 

Truthfully, Danzou deserves the first blow. And the second for not managing to dodge the first strike and not managing to duck away from the second. The third feels like overkill, he's stumbling backwards, holding his face. Their sensei's shouting  _ enough, we've finished _ , and Hiruzen's close to him soon after. 

He's touching his face with hands that are just  _ too soft _ but too rough in some spots from the callouses a shinobi gets when practicing the kunai. Danzou has enough of those to know them. 

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do any of that. It was mean, especially since we're comrades." Hiruzen babbles, tugging at his thick hair to look at his aching face, but Danzou pushes his hands away. 

"I'm fine." He sputters out, frowning, trying not to look at the boy. But the Sarutobi boy with his bright eyes and honest smile doesn't stop his ministrations, staring at him. 

"Does it hurt?" 

"It's fine. Enough." 

"I'm sorry, Danzou." Hiruzen repeats, glancing around at their classmates and the narrowed, blank red eyes of Tobirama-sama. "I want you to be on Tobirama-sama's team with me. I know we'll both make it." He's so confident, so utterly and foolishly  _ assured _ . It makes Danzou want to knock his teeth into the back of his skull, but he doesn't. Mostly because he knows he can't. 

(He could try. He could try and he could lose, and the absolute  _ shame _ would triple, and isn't that exactly what he needs right now?)

And of course, in the two weeks required to make constant, agonizing bite of humiliation that eats away at his belly, it's announced they don't both get to be on Tobirama-sama's genin squad. 

Hiruzen does, of course. 

Danzou…

Well, he never really thought he would. But beside him, Uchiha Kagami  _ beams _ , tugging at his sleeve, his chakra wavering like a child slapping the water in a lake, making it bounce and ripple. 

Kagami's smiling ear to ear, more earnest than Hiruzen, but still disgustingly thoughtless. "We're on the same team, Dan!" 

"Yes, we are." Danzou spits out with a forced smile of his own, because the anger boils at his blood until it isn't blood anymore, but charred nothing. Not directly angry at Hiruzen, or Kagami, or even Tobirama-sama for not choosing him, but at himself. At himself for his weakness, for his faults, for  _ letting  _ Hiruzen best him again and again. 

They aren't assigned a sensei, not yet, it's too soon. They haven't completely graduated yet, but their homeroom teacher decided it was cruel to only announce Team Tobirama. But they're a team, and it's official even if they don't quite have a teacher yet. Danzou goes to dinner with Kagami and Torifu, trying not to drag his feet through the thick dirt of the ground, silent as he listened to them chatter. 

"--not true at all!" 

"It is." Torifu  _ insisted _ , puffing out his chest proudly. "I can pick up five people all at once." 

Kagami scoffs, shoving the last of his desert down his throat. "err...well, uh, prove it. Pick me up then." He mumbles through a mouthful of food, and Torifu tugs him up with ease. "Woah. Hey, grab Danzou too! Carry us both." 

Danzou offers a polite smile, "No, thank you." He takes a step back, but for a boy so large, Torifu is quick as an startled snake, and he strikes fast. Suddenly, he's off his feet, dangling uselessly and he shoves at the Akimichi. 

"Torifu!" He scolds, kicking his feet wildly. "People can  _ see _ ." And that matters, apperances matter, the eyes on his skin matter, what if his uncle sees him? Or someone tells his uncle?

"And?" Kagami says gleefully. "So can I. Everyone can see, except for the Hyūga."

Torifu hums, "They can see too, Kagami. Remember what Seto-sensei said? They aren't blind."

"Oh, that's right." 

"Put me down!" Danzou demands, wiggling until his new teammate  _ finally  _ lets him drop. He landed on his sandals, bristling at the whole disaster of a situation, and glances around hurriedly.  _ Please, please, don't be staring _ . And despite the fact they're in the middle of the shopping district, nobody seems to really care about what they're doing, but Danzou can feel eyes burning across his skin. Feels stares like razors, making him flinch back, and try to shrink into himself because this isn't how he usually is. This isn't what he wants. 

Can they see his failures melted into his flesh? Do they know?  _ DotheyknowHiruzenbeatmeagain?  _ But they don't, and he logically knows they don't, but it feels like they do, and it hurts him to think about. 

He insists they hurry to go home, even if Danzou really doesn't  _ want  _ to go home just yet. 

"Well then, let's go." Torifu agreed politely, and he appreciates that about his new teammate. He didn't have an issue with either one, having known them since the first day of the Academy. They were friends at least.

Kagami doesn't bother getting down, however, and instead he rides along on Torifu's shoulder. All the way to the Uchiha compound where they drop him off, and he whooped the entire time as they walked, smiling. And then suddenly, it's just the two of them. 

Torifu and Danzou. 

"I can walk you all the way." The kind-hearted boy offers, glancing up at the darkened sky with the twinkling stars like spilled ink on black fabric. "Mom doesn't mind if I'm a little late." 

"No need." He says politely. Because he doesn't want to bother the Akimichi and because he's afraid of him meeting his clan. "I'll see you tomorrow, Torifu." 

"And I'll see you, Danzou." And then the boy disappears into the shimmering lights of the Akimichi compound, leaving him standing there by himself. The smell of fried fish drifts through the air, and it's enough to keep him planted in his spot even though he's already and isn't hungry. 

But it isn't hunger that makes him stay put. It isn't hunger. It's a mixture of fear and anger, an ugly black stain on his feelings, because Uncle will be there at home. Uncle and the Elders and the shrine to his Father, who was a renowned warrior and would have certainly been put on Tobirama-sama's team if he had been a candidate, and there isn't anyone warm there. 

So he drags himself forward, dark hair falling into his face, fists clenched, and he keeps his face as neutral as he can manage. His sensei said he was hot-tempered, once in a student report, but he can't afford to be  _ there _ . At home. 

His feet leave marks, drags of dirt following after his sandals as he forces himself inch by inch down the newly constructed road with the new wooden panel fences. 

In the quiet of the road, he daydreams.  _ A boy's screaming. And then a girl. A boy, a girl, a woman, a man, all shrieking in his ears, begging and pleading and not shutting up. Why aren't they shutting up-- _

_ "Finish this quickly." He hears himself say, but it isn't his voice. It isn't his voice, but it might be. It's too deep, too old, but still has a youth to it that makes him think it might be his. There's a boy in front of him, masked and quiet, with tracks of dirt in front of his sandals like he had been dragging his feet. _

_ And fists clenched at his side, but Danzou can't see the expression on his face because of the silly mask. Why would a shinobi need such a thing? Then who will see their glory and strength and know their name? But he doesn't ask. He repeats his order, irritated. And the boy turns, in the blink of an eye, there's a movement of shining light and the squelch of flesh.  _

_ And a boy stops screaming. A thick splatter and the woman no longer wails for mercy. A swish of metal and air, and the voices of girls are replaced with a gurgle of blood. A man thumps against the ground, loud and deliberate.  _

_ The boy stands in front of him, dirt across his shoes and fists clenched. One of his hands has a kunai clutched tightly in it, gleaming with fresh blood, and Danzou offers a curt nod. _

_ The victory, though it isn't his, settles pleasantly in his chest.  _

Danzou is standing right in front of his own clan house far too soon, eyes closed, hands swinging uselessly by his sides. He blinks out of his stupor, and it isn't victory. His chest hurts from fear. His entire body shakes and trembles out of terror because he did  _ that _ . He ordered that boy, that masked child to do  _ that _ , to slaughter a whole family and he did. He did, and Danzou didn't see enemy headbands, so they weren't enemies, but they died anyway. And Danzou did that. 

And maybe it's fear that makes him dream that  _ horrible  _ moment up. It's all of the lessons he was taught by his family. 

Danzou ignores his own disgusting imagination. Forces away the deep feelings of shame and disgust at himself. He has bigger,  _ real  _ problems. Uncle will find out he wasn't chosen to be taught by the Hokage's brother soon enough, by the renowned Tobirama-sama, but he doesn't want to be the one to tell him. So he slips his shoes off with all the grace of a shinobi and sneaks into his bedroom window, lethally quiet and precise on his footing. Avoids creaking panels and smothering his chakra. 

He lays down without so much as a sound, even though he still wears the same clothes as before. Danzou forces his breathing to be steady and even, a mediation to make himself sleep even with the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the lingering fear. 

And really, if Tobirama-sama had seen how skillful Danzou could be at avoiding his family, he would have chosen him. 

**_____ **

  
  


It starts happening more and more frequently. The bad dreams, the day dreams, the horrible imagination he  _ just can't turn off. _ Again and again, until Danzou doesn't know the difference between feeling normal and his stomach twisting in horror. Because the nightmares were repetitive, night after night.

Different people, different masks, different terrible things he tells people to do.  _ Behead that man, send it back to his village. End this quickly. No witnesses. Quiet. Don't resist. It'll feel better, just stop-- _

Danzou wouldn't do that. He was shinobi, and perhaps that wasn't the most honorable position, but it was one thing he took great pride in. Shinobi weren't inherintantly cruel, they did their duties and finished their missions. Civilian casualties were unecessary.  _ Any  _ casualties outside of the mission were wrong. 

But he dreams of dying men and women, of dying children, and young men being forced onto their knees, and unspeakable dreams and so many terrible things. He has a horrible imagination, that's for sure. 

"Danzou, pay attention."

Touka-sensei gives him a harsh stare, her eyes narrowed, twisting a kunai between her polished fingernails. She takes a step forward, frowning, and gives him a very pointed stare.  _ Stay out _ , she orders through her glance, and Danzou does because he isn't stupid enough to disobey. Touka-sensei presses a hand against his forehead. He doesn't have a fever, even though he wished it did. Delirium to a fever would help make sense as to why he feels like  _ this _ . 

"You aren't sick." His teacher says bluntly. "Which means you're just absent minded. Get it together before I make you run the whole length of Konoha all night." 

Kagami pipes in, dramatically. " _ Oooh _ ."

Danzou glares at him. 

"I apologize, sensei." 

"Pay attention to me when I speak, Shimura." Touka-sensei doesn't scold him any further, letting the matter drop entirely. Danzou's thankful for  _ that _ , at least, because if he has to see Torifu's smug, scrunched up face one more time, he'll have to knock his skull in and that's bad teamwork. Especially in front of Touka-sensei. She wasn't a woman to make idle threats, but more like intense promises. And Danzou really really doesn't want to run around the perimeter of Konoha because he decided to fist fight his teammate. 

(He has enough problems running laps at home with Uncle. He isn't dragging that into his team training.)

"We're going to begin missions soon. I expect the best out of  _ all  _ of you." Touka gives Danzou a side-eyed glance, and he doesn't meet her gaze. "As much I'm sure you all want to leave on extended missions, those aren't in the cards yet. We'll begin D-Rank." 

Kagami whines, "But Hiruzen and Homura said they've already begun border patrols  _ outside _ the village!" And his eyes narrowed into a familiar thoughtfulness, and he held his head high up. It's an Uchiha trait, Danzou thinks, because he's seen Madara-sama hold himself with the same prideful manner. 

"Ah, yes, well I'm not my baby cousin, am I? I've decided we aren't going outside the village until I deem our team  _ ready _ . Slow and steady," Touka-sensei flicked her wrist, waving him off. "And all those morals my mother tried to instill in me." 

"Obviously didn't do too good a job." Kagami said charminly, smiling. Touka-sensei's face softened into a hinted smile, and she rolled her eyes. 

"Laps, brat." She said fondly. "Laps for all of you. Thank Kagami's mouth and Danzou's daydreaming for them. Around the training field, until sunset." 

"Yes, sensei." The three boys chimed, and Danzou cursed his bad luck and his bad dreams. But he really doesn't have time to pout before Torifu nudges him. 

"I bet we can push Kagami into that pond." He whispers excitedly, eyes crinkling at the edges. "Gotta lead him over there to it."

"I'll get him over there." Danzou swears, grinning. Because Kagami really does deserve this. So he takes off sprinting, fast as he can, though he knows he's slower than Kagami. Torifu pulls back, waiting and Danzou makes himself stumble right by the pond. 

He tumbles down, clutching his leg in faux pain, groaning as loud as he can until Kagami turns around. 

"Danzou!" He calls out, flying over faster than he can blink. Above him, Kagami is a mess of wide, plate-big black eyes, and grabby hands. "Are you hurt badly? Should I get sensei? Touka-sensei--"

Torifu snatches him by his special, high-collared Uchiha shirt and hauls him out into the water. Kagami flails, looking like an angry porcupine, and hits the water with a  _ splash _ . 

Torifu and Danzou burst out laughing when he reappears, soaked and blinded by his own hair. It sticks to his face like wet silk, blinding him. 

"I hate you two!" Kagami bursts out, laughing along with them. Danzou extends his hand, helps pull him out of the murky green waters, and Torifu snorts loudly. 

"You love us."

"Not even a little. Despise you!" Kagami's eyes narrow into a determined, vengeful stare. "Which is why I'm going to light you both on  _ fire _ . Uchiha revenge." He says softly, his fingers slipping into a familiar hand seal.

Torifu blanches, "Let's not be hasty. Danzou, some help?" He says urgently, because he's strong, but he isn't fast. And this isn't the first time Kagami's issued an Uchiha retaliation, and Danzou  _ just  _ got the smell of singed hair off of him. 

"Not today." Danzou says, shaking his head. "Every man for himself." 

And then he dives out of the way, using a burst of chakra to his feet to give himself enough momentum to flip through the air. Torifu stumbles after him, and the flare of fire chakra envelopes the air around them. So hot, so fiery--

_ It smells like burnt flesh and smoke. And Kagami's screaming. So loudly. But it isn't Kagami, not exactly, but it's his friend. His shaggy hair and genuine eyes, but so much older, and he's so important to Danzou and he's screaming in pain.  _

_ Fire's burning out around him, and Kagami's still screaming between bursts of flames, choking on the chakra, and smoke burns at Danzou's eyes.  _

_ "It's me!" He screams, desperately. "Stop, it's me!" _

_ Kagami sobs, and there's burns across tender lips. He's clutching onto his face, fingers smeared with thick blood. Danzou stumbles forward, grabbing his arms, trying to see what's happened. His eyes are watering and the forest is on fire and he can't breath-- _

_ There's too much smoke.  _

_ "My eye." Kagami gasps out. "They took one of my eyes. They took my eye--" He trembles, unsteady on his feet. His armor clinks, and Danzou tries to blink away the tears in his eyes, trying to steady them both. _

_ "I'll get it back." Danzou promises, determined and utterly horrified. And angry, so angry, because he loves Kagami, he's close to him and they hurt him. They hurt him, and Danzou wants blood in return for it, he wants revenge. He'll get it, too-- he'll just have to _

There are hands against his face. "Danzou! Oh Kami, Danzou. Touka-sensei! Touka-sensei!" 

"He's okay. You're okay. Touka-sensei!"

Danzou blinks up at the bright blue sky, sucking in a deep breath, his hands clenched into tight fists, and he's laying on the ground. The grass itches his neck and legs, and it smells burnt. The air smells burnt, like the forest Kagami was burning and the bodies of the foreign shinobi and--

Touka-sensei's voice is firm and steady, "Are you back with us? Shimura--  _ Danzou _ ?"

He blinks again. The sky is  _ so blue _ . Had he never noticed it before. He's staring at Kagami first, at the big black eyes so  _ concerned and scared and hurt _ , and then Torifu. The Akimichi's eyes are wet, his mouth agape, and he's holding Danzou's hand.

Touka-sensei snaps her fingers in front of his face. 

"Danzou." She demands. "Say something, or I'll take you to the Hokage himself to get a medical exam." But her voice isn't biting or angry. It's concerned. Maybe even scared? 

"Is it a seizure?" Kagami asks, breathless. Danzou thinks of burning bodies and thick, clotting blood against pale cheeks. Of missing eyes and smeared fingerprints and burnt lips. 

It scares him all over again, his daydreams. 

"He was fine." Torifu blurts out, squeezing his hand tighter. It almost hurts, but it grounds him too. "He was fine. We were messing around, and Danzou was running…"

"And then he collapsed. He went white and his eyes were so….distant." Kagami finished softly. No, no, no, Danzou is fine. 

He's perfectly fine. He just needs to make words come out of his mouth.  _ Orders, he can give orders, can swear venegance and order assassinations, so why can't he talk.  _

His sensei frowns deeply, " _ Danzou _ . Say something. Now." She repeats. 

He takes a deep breath. 

_ Justcomeoutofmymouth. Ineedwords. _

"I'm…" He stammers out. "I'm fine. Just tired."

Touka-sensei lets out a sigh, maybe from relief, but she doesn't look convinced or particularly happy about the situation.

"Did you eat before practice?"

Yes, Danzou had, he isn't stupid, but he lies anyway. 

"No."

Touka-sensei  _ glares _ . 

"Training's done for today. You all will go home and eat a good meal, especially Danzou. I expect all of you to eat before each practice. They become intense, and I can't have you fainting from hypoglycemia." Her fingers go to his hair, and she brushes some away, staring at the headband against Danzou's forehead. Her expression turns neutral. "I'm walking you home, Danzou. Dismissed so go home, boys."

"I'm glad you're okay." Kagami tells him. Torifu voices his own relief, and they both stand up to gather their things. He sits up, dizzy and confused, the smell of cooked meat, burnt flesh, still stuck in his nose. 

He's pulled to his feet by his squad leader. He's unsteady on his feet. Kagami had been unsteady too, but he'd lost an eye. 

"Bye, Danzou." Kagami calls out loudly, waving. Two black eyes gleam, and he blinks them before turning away to leave. Two eyes. Kagami wasn't supposed to have two eyes anymore.

He had one  _ stolen _ . And Danzou was going to get it back, once they had another mission outside the village towards Kumogakure. Just one more mission and he'd--

"Let's go home. I'm speaking with your uncle about your meals and nutrition." Touka-sensei's voice doesn't leave room for argument.

Danzou nods dumbly. 

He should be worried, should be nervous. But he isn't. 

He's just so  _ confused _ . He doesn't understand.

  
  
  
  


Danzou doesn't understand how Kagami got his eyes back. 

**_____ **

It gets better. 

His daydreams get better. They don't come as often, and almost never during the day. 

It gets better. He doesn't really understand why he's letting his imagination get the best of him, but he's better about controlling it. He concentrates better, trains harder, and puts the weird thoughts aside. But his lies catch up to him, little by little. Torifu keeps bringing bento boxes to each training session, color coded and filled with huge, Akimichi-sized portions, more so in Danzou's box than the others. 

And Kagami makes sure he eats every grain of rice, even checks it over with his Sharingan to make sure. He's detail-oriented in the worst way, and Danzou  _ hates  _ having to eat that much. It always makes him feel ready to burst, vomit burning the back of his throat, and his body goes tired and sluggish. But it also makes him feel warm and horribly, unshinobi-like on the inside because even though it was a lie…

Well, nobody else in the entire world was so concerned about him or if he was hungry. Even strict, sarcastic Touka-sensei keeps an extra watch on Danzou during practice and during their meal breaks, although she's more subtle about it. 

The concern's nice. It's warm. It's everything Danzou wanted out of a family. But they aren't his family. They're his squad, and they're shinobi, and this isn't what this is. It isn't the same thing. It isn't right. 

(It isn't real. Maybe the affections are another daydream.)

He's going through the heart of the shopping district, counting his ryo in his head, but doesn't really have any specific place in mind to go. He struggles not to shove a hand inside his shirt, a habit he'd gained from his uncle. 

He's nearly past all the shops when he hears Hiruzen before he sees him. 

"Hey, Danzo!"

He turns, raising an eyebrow at him. Offers a easy smile. "Hiruzen."

"Your sensei beat up my sensei." The monkey-boy tells him, grasping him by the wrists and tugging him away from the busy streets of the shopping district. "Touka-san is amazing. She and Tobirama-sensei got into an argument about him taking us to Wind Country, and then  _ WHAM _ \--" Hiruzen punches the air. "She gets him right in the face." 

"She's amazing." Danzou brags easily. Because Touka-sensei was a credit to her clan and to kunoichi. He's seen her split trees clean in two with a strike, and she's almost as good at Genjutsu as any Uchiha with their Sharingan. 

Hiruzen nods eagerly, "She was really strong. Sensei called off training for today. She said it was so he could lick his wounds in private, but that started a whole new fight so we just left." He presses a hand against his forehead, squinting. "What are you up to?"

"Just walking. Today's our day off. Torifu wanted to meet for lunch, but Kagami has clan duties." Danzou replies slowly. 

"We can get lunch then." Hiruzen has the nerve to  _ wink  _ at him. "I heard you fainted during training."

Danzou  _ huffed _ , "It was from exhaustion. I had been training too much." 

"Right." Hiruzen is  _ not  _ a good liar. "That's what I heard."

_ (And who had heard what? What exactly was being said? Was it Kagami? Torifu? He hated this. The whispering. Did Hiruzen think he was weak? Did the village--) _

"Is it really?"

Hiruzen gives him a diplomatic smile, neutral and even. "Does dango sound good to you?" He turned towards the left, going off course, away from the resturants towards the new stand. "Anko? Yeah, anko. I'll go buy it."

And suddenly he's running off, one hand digging into his side pouch. Danzou blinks, shaking his head at his friend. And really, they are friends. As frustrated as he was at Hiruzen's natural talent, he was a kind person and infectiously friendly, not in the excited way like Kagami, but in a peaceful way. He was content to just buy dango, and it was a nice thing, being friends with Hiruzen. 

He loved and valued his friendship with Monkey Boy, but...but it also infuriated him that he was getting special treatment from Hokage-sama and Tobirama-sama. 

"Here." Hiruzen shoves a stick into his hand quickly, and he blinks out of his thoughts. 

"Thank you." 

"No problem, Dan." Hiruzen stuck a dumpling between his teeth, smiling around it. Danzou rolled his eyes. 

"You dumb monkey." He muttered, shaking his head. He bit into his own, chewing slowly. Hiruzen leads them down the road, chattering mindlessly, his mouth full. Danzou watched him, biting back a sharp remark. It was  _ one  _ thing to have Tobirama as a teacher, but the Hokage too? Hashirama-sama, the founder of the village? Jealousy bubbled up in his stomach.

He tries to fight it back, tries to force it down. He wants it gone. It wants it to just  _ stop _ . Danzou isn't angry. Danzou loves and values Hiruzen. It doesn't matter. He'll train harder, do better. He's content as part of Team Touka. 

He's fine. It's fine. 

"What's wrong?"

Danzou frowns tightly, forcing back a grimace. "Nothing. I'm just thinking."

"Oh." Hiruzen looks at him, but he can't read the emotion. Sympathy? No, no, not that. "About what?" His expression turns to curiousity. The same familiar tilt of his head, like a dog cocking its head. 

Danzou really has no reason to lie. So he doesn't. 

"Our teachers." He doesn't give the entire truth either. "It's just strange, you know." 

"Oh!" Hiruzen perks up. "They are strange, aren't they? Tobirama-sensei calls me 'Saru' and he calls Homura 'Glasses'. And I swear, he spends at least ten minutes every hour ranting about Madara-sama."

"What about Hokage-sama?"

"No, he doesn't usually rant about him. Well, sometimes."

( _ Danzou could hit him. _ )

"I  _ meant _ ." He grits out. "What's it like training under him?"

That nasty, ugly jealousy eats away at his belly, like he had downed a bottle of poison and was waiting for it to completely infect him.  _ Boom. Boom.  _ His heart pounded in his ears, and he threw away his empty dango sticks. Danzou tries to fight against it, but it isn't right. Hiruzen isn't the only student with talent. He isn't--

"I...what do you mean?" Hiruzen questions, confused. His eyebrows furrow. "Has that been said? Hokage-sama once came to bring Tobirama-sensei a scroll, but he didn't stay. He's kind of dorky. I don't train under him."

_ What? _ Danzou struggles to think about it. Yes, he does. He remembers being told. Doesn't he? It was right after the mission to deliver supplies to the Land of Rice Patties. No, no, that isn't right. Touka-sensei won't let them leave the village yet, let alone go to a new country. But he remembers Hiruzen telling him. No, it was Torifu who told him. 

He knows it to be true. He knows it. He  _ knows _ what he knows. Or was it another daydream? Another nightmare? Danzou takes a deep breath, shaking his head. Of course he knows what's real and not real. He knows that. He knows what's real. He  _ does _ !

_ He knows. He knows. He knows. HeknowsHeknowsHeknowsHeknows-- _

Danzou turns away, "I'm going to go."  __

"Wait, Dan--"

He leaves with a flutter of leaves. What else does he have wrong? How is getting memories wrong? What...

What the hell is wrong with him? 

* * *


	2. red red red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Touka, isn't that o b v i o u s?

* * *

"I  _ absolutely  _ had to light it on fire." Kagami says, straight-faced and unforgivingly chipper about the whole situation. "It was life or death, Hokage-sama, and I was faced with a horrible choice."

Torifu snorts, "He did not have to set that forest on fire, Hokage-sama."

Kagami looks  _ betrayed.  _

"It was a judgement call!"

"A bad one." Danzou adds, just for the fun of it. He gives his Uchiha friend a blank stare. "It was  _ one  _ bandit, and he wasn't even armed. He had carved a stick into the shape of a sword."

The Shodai  _ blinked _ , "Wait-- if he had a blade to carve the stick with, why didn't he use that instead of the stick?" He cocked his head to the side like a confused little dog, blinking. 

Which, to be fair, he had a point. 

Touka-sensei waved her cousin off. 

"It doesn't matter. We handled the situation, and Kagami set the forest on fire. It was old Hyūga territory anyway, so not a big loss." 

"I  _ did not  _ set the forest on fire. I set three trees on fire."

Hokage-sama  _ looked  _ aghast at the thought, eyes wide and horrified. "Which  _ ones _ ? Which ones in Hyūga territory?" He asked with a stare of grief. "Was it Yuki? Or Shika-kun? What did they say their names were? What did they look like?"

"...trees? One was brown?"

Shodai slumped forward, moaning in anguish. "Not Shika-kun!" He threw himself fully into the desk, knocking aside the large scrolls and thick packets of paperwork. "He told the funniest jokes! And his  _ leaves _ ! The color of emeralds, the best in the whole country. He was-- oh who else can make pollen jokes funny?" He wailed dramatically. 

Touka-sensei gave him an unimpressed stare. 

"Alright, kids, let's leave my idiot cousin to his grief." 

Kagami didn't move an inch. But neither did Danzou, because he really wasn't sure exactly what to say about the situation. Did he give condolences for his loss?

"I...uh…" Kagami gave the Shodai an awkward pat on the back. "I'm sorry?"

"Tree lives are important too, Kagami-kun!" 

"It was a judgement call--"

Touka-sensei snatches the Uchiha by his  _ way too high  _ collar, heaving him up and throwing him over his shoulder. She gave Danzou a warning stare as the Uchiha squirmed, and he wisely decided to start walking away from the grieving Hokage. He was curled, long brown hair thrown across his face like a mourning veil, and he let out another cry. 

"Touka! Touka! You're just going to leave me in my time of  _ mourning _ ?"

She actually  _ walks faster _ , flipping her hand at him. "It was my student that murdered your tree friend. It's best we all forget. We need time. You're mourning, Kagami's a stone hearted killer, it's really a sad situation for everyone." Touka slams the door closed right as Torifu chimes soft words of departure. 

She throws Kagami down onto his arse, watching him stumble up like a wet cat, huffing and pouting. He looks at his teammates  _ betrayed _ , but what exactly was Danzou supposed to do? Tell his sensei  _ not  _ to pick him up and throw him?

That would make Touka-sensei throw him into a river, and it just wasn't worth it. Kagami huffed again, but took up stride beside Danzou. 

"I  _ did  _ not kill Hokage-sama's friends." He insisted. 

Torifu nodded firmly, "You didn't. You just burned them horrifically."

"They are  _ trees _ ."

"That talk, apparently. With names." Danzou added playfully, rolling his eyes. "And distinct colors?"

Touka-sensei held the door open for them, nodding at two young men that walked past, and she squinted up at the sun. It was unbearably hot outside, one of the few negatives about living this far east in Fire Country. Summers were miserable business and especially dry, and Danzou could already feel sweat starting to trickle at his brow. 

"It's going to be miserable to be outside." Touka-sensei noted with a wicked grin pulling across white teeth. Her eyes crinkle at the sides, and she looks absolutely vicious. "Since we've already given report, there's nothing else to do. You're dismissed for the day." 

"Thank you, sensei!" Torifu exclaimed, stretching his limbs. He nudged Kagami and Danzou, smiling, motioning in the direction of his family home.  _ Ah _ , it must be watermelon time again at the Akimichi compound. They always made a big deal about different foods and harvests, but he doesn't mind. He's always invited. 

Touka's smiling still, "The watermelons are ripe?" She questions, giving the sun a pleased stare. 

"Yes, sensei. You can join us, if you want. There's plenty."

Touka-sensei shakes her head. 

"No, thank you, Torifu. But you three meet me at the new training ground by the Nara district in three days with a watermelon. Then I'll show you something  _ really ripe _ ." 

And Danzou feels a chill go down his spine at her tone. 

**_____ **

Danzou  _ gawked _ , "Oh."

"My." Kagami has his Sharingan activated to save the memory.

"Sunburn." Torifu  _ gulped _ . 

Tobirama-sensei was bright red. Blood red. Sharingan red. As red as a true-blooded, born of first cousins, red-haired Uzumaki, where red was red was red. Mito-Hime  _ wished  _ her hair had the same brightness. His cheeks were burning hot, with thin layers of skin blistering at the edge of his cheeks. He scratched at sunburns, flakes of dead skin peeling off around the--

Kagami  _ gasped,  _ choking on his spit. "He has lines where his headband was." He said, delighted, pointing at his own face to demonstrate.

Touka-sensei  _ cackles _ , giving her little cousin a mocking wave, hoisting the watermelon out of Danzou's arms, offering it to him. 

Tobirama-sensei  _ glowers _ at all three of them, "Not. A. Word." He  _ threatened  _ the genin. His arms crossed, refusing the fruit. "I'm not amused, Touka. I'm not accepting that."

Touka  _ scoffed _ , "It's a present from the Akimichi, Little Cousin. To  _ not  _ accept it would insult not only the clan, but their heir directly." She gave a pointed stare to Torifu, who nodded frantically. 

"An insult." Torifu echoed. Tobirama-sensei's deep red eyes hardened, like a kunai with fresh blood, a warning. He takes in a deep breath through his nose, and Danzou fights back a laugh as Tobirama-sensei marches forward, dragging his feet. His lips were tight and straight, and he was  _ simmering  _ with chakra. 

"I thank you, but I insist you keep it for your clan." Tobirama-sensei says diplomatically, although it was like every inch of him wanted to bounce it right off the whole Team Touka's heads like a game of stick-ball. 

"No, no, he  _ insists _ ." Touka-sensei's whole body shakes with the effort to compose herself, looking like a cat about to strike an injuried bird, ready to  _ pounce _ . "It's a fresh watermelon. It's ripe. It's so  _ red _ . Right, boys?"

"So red."

"And you can grill it too." Torifu adds cheerfully. "Just make sure not to  _ burn _ it."

Tobirama-sensei's glare promised  _ so much pain. Pain, murder, death, embarrasement, revenge. _ He snatched the watermelon out of her arms, taking another deep breath through his nose. His eyes shut, and he released it slowly.

"Thank your family for me, Torifu." He gritted out. "And thank you,  _ cousin _ , for having your very busy team meet to deliver this to me." 

"Oh, no problem at all, Little Cousin." Touka-sensei said, biting her dark purple lips. "The pleasure is  _ all mine _ ." 

**_____ **

Danzou feels good, all things considered. Sure, Tobirama-sensei somehow managed to wrangle every single Mission Desk shinobi into painstakingly denying them any worthwhile mission, but it all works out. (Even if he has to shove acres and acres of manure for three whole weeks because of his sensei's prank.)

He's content. He's so content, learning dozens of Genjutsu with Touka-sensei until he's exhausted and borderline chakra-dead. He's faster than Kagami in weaving signs for Ninjutsu, although his Taijutsu is still sloppy. It doesn't bother him as much anymore. He's doing well. He likes his team. He's half impressed and half terrified by his sensei. 

And he has gotten so much better at avoiding his Uncle that Danzou thinks nothing could be better. He's exactly where he wants to be in life. 

Which is why he's rewarding himself to a trip to the newly constructed onsen. Well, not really  _ treat himself _ , because Hiruzen drags him and Kagami there together.

Danzou sinks into the warm water, sighing contently,  _ trying  _ to ignore his friends' very  _ loud _ talking about the last few days. 

"It's been more and more D-Rank missions. It's ridiculous!" Kagami insisted. 

Hiruzen  _ laughs _ , "Well, you murdered Hokage-sama's best tree friend, and then insulted Tobirama-sensei." His expression sours. "He was so bad about it, he made us go through the market and destroy  _ every single watermelon _ . I'm pretty sure he emptied the treasury paying for it all."

"The Senju are  _ rich _ . Madara-shishou said that they're lazy since they have Shodai grow their crops, so they don't have to pay for food costs." Kagami explains, splashing the water. Danzou  _ jumps _ , frowning at them. 

"This is supposed to be relaxing." He huffed. "But you're ruining it." 

"Aw, sorry, Danzou." Hiruzen rolled his eyes.

He huffed, "Wet Monkey." Danzou muttered, but he felt a smile tug at his face. He shakes his head, and turns to say something else to Hiruzen when everything  _ morphs  _ around him. 

And suddenly the water's boiling hot. Too hot. The chakra's too hot around him, steaming and acidic, like chakra spat out with bile. He turns his gaze. 

(Hiruzen's crouched beside him, his eyes worn and so  _ so  _ tired, and he's not looking directly at Danzo. He isn't looking at him at all. Kagami's there, so is Torifu, and nobody wants to say anything. The chakra is coming closer and closer, and it's sickening. It's coming closer and he's  _ afraid _ . He's so afraid, so scared and he wants to go home, but he wants to protect everyone more, these precious people. He loves them. He loves them so much that it hurts. It hurts.)

_ It hurts. Keeps hurting. It's drowning him in pain, in-- _

He gasps, sputtering out water and coughing up a mixture of spit and thick, hot water. Hiruzen's eyes are wide, big as saucers, and he's got his arms around his chest. Kagami's clutching him too, forcing his chin up, and they're a huge tangle of gangly limbs and wet dark hair. 

Danzou's huffing for breath, scared, so scared, but the acidic chakra is  _ gone _ . It's gone, and he's safe and his friends are safe, and everything's better now. It's--

"Are you  _ okay _ ?" Hiruzen's frantic. "You slipped under the water!" 

Kagami doesn't let go of his chin. "We need to go to the hospital. This isn't just low blood sugar anymore. You do this a lot. You just...blank out."

"Or forget things. Or get things mixed up." Hiruzen adds, very unhelpfully. Danzou shakes them both off, still gasping for breath, shoving their hands away. 

"Stop. Stop. I'm  _ fine _ !" He insists, but he isn't. He  _ isn't _ fine. Danzou doesn't know what to say, however. So he lashes out, splashes the water, fights off their hands. "Just  _ stop _ ! It's nothing!"

"You were  _ drowning _ ." Kagami says softly. "That isn't nothing."

"I-- I fell asleep. I was relaxed."

Hiruzen frowns sadly, "With your eyes open?"

"Just--  _ stop _ . Both of you, stop." Danzou pulls himself out of the bath, slicking back his wet hair. Kagami follows him step by step. "Just  _ stop _ . Leave me the hell alone." He demands, rushing forward. 

"We just want to help--"

"I don't want it!" 

Danzou throws a robe one, bundles his clothes up under one arm, and leaves as fast as he can. 

**_____ **

Some nights he spends screaming. 

Because he can feel hands against his skin, and his hands on other's bodies, and the feeling of dried blood itching on his hands. And he gives orders and follows orders and Hiruzen beats him again and again and...

Other nights, other nights, he's lost in such happy dreams that he's more upset with waking up than being trapped in fake memories. 

And sometimes, he doesn't sleep at all. He doesn't sleep, tries not to think, doesn't understand what's happening. He does sit-ups, kata, tries to get over whatever is in his  _ stupid head _ . Does he tell someone? 

Does he tell someone he's watched himself gouge out Kagami's eye from a skull that isn't the Uchiha's? Or watch Touka-sensei die  _ screaming _ , her hair a wild mess and her last kunai in hand? Or maybe how he ordered dozens of children around his age into killing at his command or having a strange, pale man experiment on them?

Does he tell Touka-sensei or his Uncle about all the bad things? Things he doesn't understand what to do with or where they came from?

No, no, Danzou was a  _ Shimura _ . He was the nephew of the Clan Head. He would be fine. He would be…

Fine.

**_____ **

Touka-sensei stops him after a mission to patrol the border. It took roughly a week, but there weren't any incidents and Torifu packed enough snacks to make it bearable. Still, it was a long trek back and everyone's exhausted. 

Danzou's feet ache when they cross through the gates, and he  _ longs  _ for his bed. He'd sell his whole family away for a futon right here on the road to the Hokage Tower. 

"I'll give the report today." Touka-sensei tells them, looking proud. Or as proud as she's ever gotten before. "You all did well. Go home-- well, Danzou, you wouldn't mind staying would you?"

And though it sounds like a question, by her tone, it's not a choice. 

_ Danzou, you will stay behind.  _

"Of course not, sensei." He replies back easily. Torifu pats him hard on the back, grinning mockingly, making fake snoring sounds. Kami, Danzou wanted to punch him right across the face. Kagami gives them both a lingering look, chewing his bottom lip in habit again, but eventually turns away to go towards the Uchiha compound. 

Touka-sensei doesn't say anything at first. Her hands move to adjust her top-knot, long fingers elegantly pulling at the hidden pins and forcing wild hair back into place. She's nearly halfway down the road, dark eyes peering at him to make sure he follows. 

He does. Of course he does. Danzou follows orders well. His uncle made sure that even if he wasn't a talented shinobi, he would at least be an obedient one. 

(And also he does  _ not  _ want her to pick him up if he disobeys. She can and will throw him off the Hokage Mountain.)

They're nearly halfway to the Tower, with Danzou slowing down a little. His feet ache painfully, rubbed raw from trekking up and down the mountainous terrain of the border, and he's blistering on his heel. 

She slows down enough to match his stride. 

"Your teammates are very thoughtful. Have you noticed? They care very deeply for each other and you."

Danzou feels ice go through his veins, somehow burning and heart freezing. He knows where this is going. Of course he knows, he isn't ignorant. 

"I care about them too." 

"Good. They've brought up a concern. One I've previously been concerned with myself. It seems your lack of concentration  _ isn't  _ just because of me and my boring teaching. What a relief." Touka says blandly, her joke missing the mark and falling flat. 

"Sensei--"

Touka continues on, "But I reasoned it was your nutritional habits, but that isn't it, now is it? No, this is something else." She stops suddenly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I'm absent minded. I've always been. It's nothing, sensei, I'll work on--"

She gave him an unimpressed stare with her one dark eye. She kept the other covered with her hair. "Don't bullshit  _ me  _ of all people. My overthinking cousin demanded your Academy teacher keep record of your progress throughout your time there. Yours specifically said you were 'hot-headed, stubborn, detail-oriented and talented.' I've seen your temper and thick head, but to go from detail-oriented to  _ this _ ? No. Don't bullshit me, boy."

_ They  _ said that? Talented? Danzou was detail oriented and talented? It was true, sure, but for others to notice it. Well, it made something inside of him buzz with emotion. A mixture of pride and panic. 

"I'll do better."

"It isn't about doing better. I'm concerned. You're my student and my responsibility. Beyond that, I care for you. Let me help you." 

Danzou offers a half-hearted bow, giving a tight smile. "I'm fine." 

_ No, I'm really not. I'm not fine. I'm not okay. I need help. I need someone to tell me what's wrong with my head.  _

Touka-sensei narrowed her eyes, huffing. "Danzou."

"I'm. Fine. Sensei." 

She doesn't believe him, that's obvious, but who is he fooling? He doesn't even believe himself. He isn't fine. He isn't handling it. 

But he doesn't want to be crazy. Danzou knows how it'll sound, like he's mid-breakdown, halfway to insanity and not close to being mentally sound enough to being a shinobi. He'll end up dragged into a civilian asylum for the unwell if he admits to his hallucinations and nightmares. So he says nothing. 

"If whatever is wrong affects you on missions, I have to report it." She tells him, licking her lips. Her lipstick is smeared. 

(It's smeared in his nightmares too. About a mission gone wrong, when Danzou's a few years older, when they go out as a team. Her lipstick is smeared and her hair is down and she's screaming through blood-stained teeth and drawing a kunai.)

"I understand. I apologize, sensei." He says, like a mouth full of plastic, fake. "It won't."

"Good." Touka-sensei pulls a sealing scroll out of her pouch. "Hold onto this." 

He barely catches it, she throws it so fast. 

"There was a reason for our detour through that village. I bought presents for my baby cousin." Touka-sensei looks much too pleased with herself. "A takegasa." 

"A traveling hat?"

"To defend him against the sun. He's so pale. He has tender skin. And a jar of paste, made of aloe by civilians. It'll help the burns. I'm not completely cruel. You can help me deliver his gifts."

Danzou gives her a funny stare, "Why do you do that?" He asks, curious. "Poke fun at Tobirama-sama." 

"He deserves it. Hashirama and I make sure he has sun ointment every single summer, and the bull headed fool won't put it on. He burns easily, but  _ no  _ he acts like he doesn't need the ointment that will prevent the burns." She huffs. "Stubborn little fool. He's so smart and so stupid."

Danzou hums. 

"It still seems mean."

"Oh he likes it." She says bluntly. "Despite all the huffing and puffing like an angry cat, he enjoys my teasing. His little brother used to tease him all the time in the same way." Touka sounds weak for a moment, like she's lost in her own memory. "He would bring Tobirama the biggest leaves he could find every summer, tell him to defend himself before he got freckles. It was his way of caring. Mine too, I suppose."

"Oh."

"You don't have any siblings, do you?"

"No."

"Hmm." Touka hums dismissively. "You'll have to help me tease my little cousin then, to make up for it." 

**_____ **

Tobirama-sensei sends a dragon made of water at them the moment they unseal the gifts. 

But before it has time to drown him (Touka-sensei was too skilled to drown, she'd probably punch the water dragon out of the way), it breaks apart into huge puddles.

Tobirama-sensei's laughing too hard at the ugly hat to finish the technique. 

**_____ **

"Nephew."

"Mitsu-sama." Danzou bows as he enters his Uncle's room. A mixture of absolute fear and panic bubbles up in his stomach, but he forces it down. Shoves it as deep as he can inside of himself. 

Uncle regards him with calculating eyes, taking in his appearance. He's unsightly, he thinks, with sweaty hair still clinging to his forehead and dirt-stained clothes, but he'd just returned from training with Hiruzen. 

He'd bested him in Taijutsu today, and that victory sticks with him. He won't let Uncle ruin his day. Not  _ this  _ day. He'd earned today. 

"Shodai-sama, or rather his demon-eyed brother, made it a rule to send our reports of progress of all clan heirs." 

"I'm not the clan heir."

"No, you aren't. You're third in line. Close enough to matter to me." Uncle spits out, holding up a bundle of papers. He leafs through them, frowning at the words, though Danzou knows he must have read them over dozens of times by now. "It says you're progressing as expected."

"Yes, Uncle."

" _ As expected _ ." His uncle scoffs, throwing the sheets of paper at him. The drift around leisurely, like they aren't about to destroy his entire world, and he recognizes Touka-sensei's handwriting. "As expected. Average. Not exceptional. You're a Shimura, boy. We're shinobi,  _ the shinobi _ . Esteemed warriors have come from our clan."

Yes, like Danzou's father and grandfather. And his late cousin Kin. (And Danzou, though nobody will ever admit it.)

"I'm sorry."

Uncle shakes his head, "You should be. I told my brother on his deathbed that I'd look after his son, raise him to be a fine warrior. Yet, I've done all I can. The rest is up to  _ you  _ to put in the work. I'm more than disappointed. I'm furious." He rises from his chair, moving within a blink. He has a hand pressed hard against Danzou's hair, yanking his head back so he can look him in the eyes. 

He squirms, fighting back a yelp at the sudden pain, straining his neck to ease the sharp sting of his scalp. 

"I want you  _ home _ when you aren't on assignment or with your instructor. No more playing around with those childish boys. I don't have the patience for you to be  _ average.  _ Your cousin Gatou has graciously accepted to tutor you." He lets go of Danzou's hair around the same time he thinks of taking a kunai to cut it off. 

His cousin Gatou is something else entirely. He's almost a decade older than Danzou, with a long jagged scar across his neck all the way down. He's an accomplished shinobi, sure, but he was rough with women at brothels and unkind to his clansmen. He wouldn't spit on Danzou if he were on fire. 

Whatever Uncle offered him to do this, it had to be particularly special. Although, his cousin might accept the position just for the joy of hitting him without consquences. 

Danzou forces words out, "Thank you, Uncle." They feel like wet clay on his tongue, thick and unmoving. 

"Dismissed."

He's rubbing his forehead, easing the pain, when a thought hits him. Just one. He imagines his uncle, his giving uncle who took him in and gives him private tutoring, choking to death on the fine tatami flooring of the Main House's Dining Room. 

He's nearly purple, a thick mixture of spit and bile smeared across his lips and the floor, he's gagging wordlessly, clawing at his own neck until long red gashes form, his nails catching on his own flesh. 

Danzou takes a shuddering breath, it had to be poison. Something in the food. It makes sense. And he's got this  _ satisfaction  _ in his blood, making his senses sing with relief and  _ happiness _ . He did. He poisoned him. He--

He isn't sure if this is another one of his hallucinations or if this really is his hope. And it makes him sick. 

**_____ **

Danzou isn't okay. He isn't alright. He's twelve, almost thirteen, and he's…

He's…

He's dreaming about gouging out the eye of a teenage boy, no hesitation, just grabbing the fragile tissue and  _ pulling _ . He feels the phantom thick, wetness of stringy flesh and spongy tissue in his palm, and the scent of blood. But his hands are clean. 

Or aren't. He doesn't know anymore. 

He can't sleep anymore. He can't eat. He can't tell anyone. He wants to be a shinobi, he wants to bring pride to his family, and he wants to shove this kunai through his chest until the hallucinations just

_ Stop.  _

* * *


	3. and sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: scratches as self harm. Not going to go much deeper into that, but I offer thus warning. It won't happen again in any of the other chapters. 
> 
> Also, basically I figure helping Madara would help the situation with the Village in general?? Because honestly Konoha's history could have changed a lot with a little bit more trust and if someone helped Madara through his obvious depression

* * *

  
  


Danzou doesn't notice it at first. 

Why would he? He isn't an Uchiha. He doesn't see Madara-sama on a regular basis, not like Kagami does, not like anyone does. Even Kagami doesn't talk about his clan leader very often because he doesn't see him often. 

(And Danzou would know. He listens to Kagami prattle off about Hannei-chan's little dango shop, and Hikaku-sama's annoying lisp and Old Man Tomo-san and his  _ cats _ for hours and hours. Madara-sama's very rarely mentioned.)

But he does notice when he's going home after another easy peasy mission. Well, it had been an easy enough mission except Danzou had been blind-sided by a Genjutsu and almost lost his head, but he'd managed to duck under the blade. He'd swept out the kunoichi's legs and put a kunai through her neck. It was his first kill, but it didn't feel like it. Hadn't felt like it. Still doesn't.

Maybe it's because he's seen dozens of deaths, some by his own hands, some by his orders. He had washed the blood off with water poured out of Torifu's extra water flasket. Touka-sensei had squeezed his shoulder, whispered quiet words of comfort, but he hadn't needed them. 

He hadn't needed them. It was and wasn't his first kill. It didn't matter. 

But it consumed his thoughts, the kunoichi's flesh crunching beneath his blade, the squelch and thickness of her throat, her trachea. And the screams of dying children and the tangled flesh of eyes torn out of skulls. Which is why he doesn't notice Madara-sama at first. He isn't his clan leader, he doesn't have to bow, not really, but it's respectful and good manners. He nearly passes the Uchiha by before it hits him hard. 

Danzou whirls around, bowing deeply.

"Madara-sama." He said quietly. The man blinks too, as if he hadn't noticed Danzou either, and he gives him a curt nod. 

"Boy." He says back, blankly. That doesn't surprise him any, because Madara isn't a man of many words. In the few times Danzou has seen him at Hokage Tower, he's never been impressed with his social graces. 

He  _ is  _ surprised by his facial expression. Those dark eyes, the ones he had been taught to avoid making contact with (because peace is fragile and the Shimura train their children young to be ready for anything) aren't neutral. Usually, they're tamed and blank, a shield of glass to reflect no thoughts, no emotions. Nothing. 

But today,  _ today, right now _ , the Uchiha Clan leader (loved and hated and terrifying) looks unimaginably  _ sad _ . 

Madara-sama turns away with no further acknowledgement. Continues down the path back to town and Danzou stares at his back. Traces the red and white with his eyes, and wonders for a moment why the Uchiha leader would look so broken down. 

It's none of his business, he knows that. He isn't an Uchiha. He doesn't know Madara-sama personally or even formally. 

(So why does it bother him so much?)

**_____ **

"What do you mean?" Kagami blinked. 

"It's nothing."

"No, no, why do you think Madara-shishou is sad? Was he crying?" Kagami whispered, scandalized. His dark eyes darted around, and he cupped his hands around his mouth. "Is he alright? I haven't seen him. Mom says I shouldn't bother him too much. She doesn't want me to annoy him."

"No." Danzou sighs, and he tugs at his wild hair. He needs a haircut, sooner rather than later. "No, no, he just looked...sad."

"Looked sad." Kagami repeats thoughtfully. "I don't know. I've seen him look off sometimes, but never sad. I wouldn't know why he'd be sad." 

Danzou shrugs, "I don't know either." He admits, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. It was probably just an off day. I don't know him very well."

"Right. Oh--  _ here _ !" Kagami replies, before pulling his friend into a shop with mannequins in the windows. 

**_____ **

Danzou isn't exactly the best with time. 

He has training in the morning with Touka-sensei, a couple of missions with his squad, training with Gatou in the evenings until past dark, and then a small dinner and bed. 

But somehow,  _ somehow _ , he manages to squeeze in extra time here and there. Usually, he goes with Kagami window shopping or with Hiruzen to watch him prank his teammates (or woo that medic in training, Biwako). Sometimes he'll eat lunch with Torifu at the Akimichi compound. But other times, he hangs out around Hokage Tower and watches Uchiha Madara. 

He sort of learns his schedule. He knows when he'll be at the Tower, he knows when he's on his way home. He knows that during lunch hour, when Danzou's delivering meals to the jonin for a D-Rank that Madara-sama takes his meals privately outside the tower, eating overcooked rice and burned salmon. 

And really,  _ really _ , Danzou should have left it alone. He isn't Hiruzen with his kind nature and friendly disposition. He isn't Kagami who has never met a stranger, enemies included, and he isn't soft or kind. 

(How can he be? With all the nasty disgusting things he thinks of in his mind. His 'visions'.)

But it's really sad to see a clan leader eating burned fish. Looking downcast and distant and so  _ so  _ tired. It's ridiculous what he's doing, but his legs are moving forward without his consent. 

Until he's square in front of the Uchiha on his bench, with the bento of overcooked rice and burned fish, and he stares at him with a sudden bout of nervousness. This is  _ not  _ what Danzou does. He doesn't do this. This is something Hiruzen or Kagami or Torifu would do. Danzou isn't kind or soft or--

"Do you need something, boy?"

"I--" He doesn't know what to say. Shit. Shit.  _ Shitshitshitshit.  _ "Madara-sama, I'm handing out meals to the officials today." He says formally. "I was bringing you yours." He shoves it forward, pressing into the Uchiha hands. His head spins and he  _ waits  _ for the inevitable hallucination. The horrible memory of Uchiha Madara and himself. Nothing comes to mind. 

That's more worrying than anything else. 

"I'm not an official, and I don't need a lunch brought to me." Madara-sama tells him with narrowed eyes, and a slight tug of his lips upwards. Behind him, Danzou hears Torifu announce he's finished his job of passing out the newest mail. 

"My mistake. My apologies, Madara-sama. It won't happen again." Danzou says, but doesn't take the bento back. He lowers his eyes, staring at the Uchiha's nose rather than into his eyes. It isn't survival or training, just embarrasment. 

"Hm." The Uchiha grunts, not really a noise. Not really anything. "Go on then, boy."

Danzou leaves, running to catch up to Torifu. 

**_____ **

Danzou brings him a bento each day that week. Sets it beside him on the bench, bows and leaves quickly. 

And then next week, when the genin teams rotate again, and it's Team Tobirama that picks up the delivery missions, Danzou does his best to bring some then too. It isn't hard to tell the cooks to make an extra one on orders for the Hokage's staff. He picks it up on his way home.

They don't talk. They don't say anything to each other at all. At least, not until this time. 

He's turned away, his back to Uchiha Madara. 

"Your kindness, while appreciated, isn't necessary." The Clan Head tells him suddenly. He whirls around to face the man, and the Uchiha looks amused and almost irritated. "I'm capable of providing my own meals. Did Hashirama put you up to this? A show of goodwill from the village?"

"No, Madara-sama."

He still doesn't meet those dark eyes, but he feels them burning into his skin. Does Madara-sama have his Sharingan on? Is he trying to decipher his reasoning like a code? Because Danzou doesn't even know why he's doing this. He isn't a good person. He's cruel and selfish and broken. He won't be able to tell him  _ why _ . 

"What did you say your name was, boy?" 

"Shimura Danzou." 

"Danzou." Madara-sama repeats. He doesn't say anything else. He looks like he might want to, like there are words trapped beneath his teeth, but he turns away. 

So Danzou doesn't stay. 

**_____ **

_ Tobirama-sensei shoves him through a door, along with Homura. It's dark and damp, and adrenaline still pulses through him. He'd felt that chakra, rotten and foul and angry. His sensei's eyes are hard, cold.  _

_ Scared.  _

_ "Stay here." He demands, glancing backwards. "Guard the civilians. Stay quiet. Stay watchful. Understood?" _

_ "Yes, sir." They chime, but Homura glances over at Danzou with a look of worry in his eyes. Danzou says nothing, crouches down in the dark. The air's too heavy, thick, and it smells of dirt and wet rock. He has a kunai in his hand, and in a blink of his eye, Tobirama-sensei is gone.  _

_ An explosion rocks the ground under them, and a few women scream. A man grunts, a baby cries. _

_ "Quiet!" _

_ "Shodai-sama should be pushing him North. Away from the village." Homura tells him quietly.  _

_ Danzou frowns, "What the hell's going on out there then?" _

_ "I don't know. It's big, though. It's very big." He murmurs, and he has a blade in his fist too. "I never thought Madara-sama would do this."  _

_ "He abandoned the village." Danzou spits back. "It's like Tobirama-sensei said: he's insane." _

_ "Insane?" Homura blinks, shaking his head. "Kagami worshipped the ground he walked on. I remember how devastated he was when he left…" _

_ "Maybe not insane." Danzou reasons quietly. "Cursed." _

**_____ **

Kagami's bouncing around. Danzou's not so sure about what he's saying, but he nods along and eats the rice balls that Torifu's mother made for them. It's giving him a headache, thinking so hard about his visions, his hallucinations, it doesn't matter. 

"And then I said-- Madara-shishou! Hokage-sama!" 

"Oi! Look, it's the genin!" The Shodai waved enthusiastically, bounding towards them. Danzou watched as he physically dragged the Uchiha clan head by his wrist. The large man laughs loudly as he approaches, grinning like an idiot. "Ah, how are you all?"

"Fine, Hokage-sama." Torifu says politely. Kagami nods too, smiling at Madara-sama with a wave. "How are you?"

"Wonderful! I'm enjoying the day with my friend. Oh, Madara, have you met these kids yet? I know you know Kagami-kun. It's my favorite cousin Touka's team. They're already onto B-Rank Missions, just like Tobirama's students. Except Tobirama's students don't unjustly  _ murder  _ trees."

Kagami looked offended, "A judgement  _ call _ ." He insists again. 

"This is my  _ friend  _ Madara!" The Hokage introduces loudly, tugging at Madara's sleeve to get his attention again. He blinks tiredly, bobbing his head along to Hashirama-sama's babbling. "Madara, this is Akimichi Torifu and Shimura Danzou."

Torifu bows first, "It's nice to meet you, Uchiha-sama." 

"And you." Madara-sama says back, half-heartedly. He doesn't...look alright. He looks disinterested, not out of cruelness, but out of…

Sadness? Maybe not. That didn't seem like the right word. 

"Oh! Did I tell you how when your sensei and I were younger, that she--"

With Hashirama-sama distracted, it gives him a chance to examine Uchiha Madara up close. His false memories tell him to flee, to fight or to leave, to stay away.  _ Traitor _ . His own mind spits at him, but that doesn't sound right. Madara doesn't seem like a traitor. 

He's nice enough. A little paranoid, if Danzou thinks about why he asked if Hashirama-sama made him show him a little kindness, but he isn't inherently cruel to anyone. Kagami thinks the world of him, he's highly respected amongst the falconers in the Shimura clan, and he hasn't done anything to make him think he would betray Konoha. 

But still...

Danzou doesn't know how to describe it. He didn't seem to be listening to Hashirama-sama's prattle, or even really paying attention. He was dragged around like a rag doll, and his dark eyes seemed so distant. Like he wasn't really there anymore. 

He doesn't mean for it to happen, but once again, Danzou's mouth gets him into trouble. With his teammates distracted by the Hokage's story about a wild boar, three geisha, and an enemy with a pet bat, he approaches the Uchiha. 

(This isn't your problem. This isn't your duty. You don't owe anything to Uchiha Madara. He's the enemy. The Uchiha can't be trusted, their whole clan is  _ tainted  _ by hatred. Just stop--)

The words are thick and choppy on his tongue, "Are you alright, Madara-sama?"

The Uchiha blinks down at him, bristling like a cat splashed with water. He stares at him with  _ sad-lonely _ eyes that shift to blank and neutral once more. 

"Shimura." He greets. Not coldly, but not thrilled to see him either. "What do you mean?"

_ Nothing. Nothing at all.  _

"You don't look well." He hesitates, and glances back at Torifu's attempt to pick up Hashirama-sama. "You look... _ sad _ . Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Madara's eyes narrow, and then soften up quickly. He leans down, and fondly ruffles the boy's hair. As quickly as it happened, it was over. Like the wind. "Are you always so watchful with everyone you meet?"

"Only people I respect or like."

Madara looks dumbfounded. "And which category am I in?" 

"Both? Neither?"

"Hmph, that's a question. Not an answer. You can't choose both. That isn't…" He shakes his head in amusement, somehow looking brighter than he did a moment ago. Madara-sama grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms and shaking his head at Danzou every time they made eye contact. It makes Danzou feel warm inside, like he managed to do  _ something  _ good after all the horrible things lingering under his skin and in his head. 

"My mistake. My apologies, Madara-sama." Danzou says with a small smile. "It won't happen again."

The Uchiha huffs like a wet cat, "Where have I heard that before?" And then he opens his mouth to speak again when Hashirama grabs him by the sleeve. 

"I FORGOT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET TOBI!" He cried out. "He's going to be so angry-- what if he takes away my stamp again? He can't just take it. It isn't right. Hurry, let's go!"

Without warning, Uchiha-sama is dragged halfway down the road, leaving the three genin there staring at the space. 

"So…" said Torifu in awe. "Do you think Touka-sensei really did that with the geisha and the hammer?"

"Oh I hope so." Kagami replied cheekily. 

**_____ **

_ "In 'Root', you have no name. You have no feelings. You have no past. You have no future. There is only the mission." _

_ And truthfully, if Saya hadn't wished this fate on herself, she would have understood what it meant to be a member. But she forgot herself, of course she did, as time placed in Hiruzen's sector of ANBU always left something to be desired afterwards.  _

_ A man. She did this over a man. It was a foolish thought, a dreamless existence to think for even a moment she could slip away from Root into the apron of a housewife. She'd wanted too much, knew too little about the position she was in, and truthfully, a weapon that breaks so easily need not be repaired. Broken weapons are discarded. _

_ It's a punishment to be unneeded. Danzou himself once knew the feeling.  _

_ He's not even the one to do the deed. Saya was an impressive member, a valuable weapon, but her failures are not of the level of importance for him to do the deed. It's easier to watch, to enforce loyalty through action of others. His subordinates are just as willing to do what he wishes, and there's a sense of satisfaction in his chest as he watches the woman fall apart piece by piece.  _

_ Her eyes are wide, but she remains quiet. Despite her wishes and her newfound love, she's trained by instinct for quiet. Her lover? Not so much. He wails in agony, writhing against the metal table he's been shackled again, screaming out. Blood coats the floor, dark and plenty, though he won't die of blood loss, not yet.  _

_ Rabbit has no issues skinning a man alive, as ironic as it seemed, and he knew every fact of human anatomy to do it seamlessly. He's careful with his blade, stripping the flesh layer by layer, starting with his shins.  _

_ Red muscle gleams in the buzzing light, whole and unmarked, a testament to what's happening to him. It twists and wiggles, pulsing with blood, constricting with the man's thrashing. But Rabbit's careful to keep the skin in one piece. He enjoys meticulous work.  _

_ It's gruesome, but Danzou has seen worse for lesser reasons. It doesn't bother him. Flaying isn't bothersome anymore. Nothing bothers him. _

_ (It should.) _

_ Saya's eyes are dark and agonized, her lips pressed together tightly. She doesn't beg, not to him, and not for him, but her breathing is heavy. Her head shakes, no, no. No.no.no.no.  _

_ It's her own fault. No names, no families, no emotions. Her mission was to act as a spy and liason, not to defy her own conditioning to fall into bed with a lowly chunin of no noble birth.  _

_ Saya turns her scathing gaze onto Danzou, but there's a softness there. A quiet pleading, a mercy she won't receive. Not for herself. For this common man. For a nobody.  _

_ "When you're finished with him." He says with finality. "Do the same to her. Make sure she watches his last breath." _

_ Rabbit bows his head in acknowledgement, pressing the fine blade into the man's skinless flesh and  _ twisting  _ with a squelch and a piercing scream.  _

A scream rips out of his throat before he can stop it. He barely manages to fight off his futon before he's got his hands on the flower pot by his window, vomiting. 

He can still smell the blood. He can smell the blood, see the twitch of the exposed muscle, hear the screaming echoing through his room like it was  _ happening  _ now. 

Danzou's throat burns, but his retching ends after a few moments. Oh Kami, oh Sage, he couldn't-- he couldn't keep doing  _ this _ . He couldn't keep dreaming of dying men and women and traitors and this...this  _ Root.  _ A secret organization? Hiruzen as...as Hokage? None of it made sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. He wakes up, he sees terrible things. He has lunch, he sees himself torturing children with Genjutsu. He goes to sleep, he dreams of ordering a flaying. 

Because a woman wanted to get married. Because she had feelings. That wasn't...that wasn't  _ right _ . Danzou wasn't a kind person. He was a friendly person. He would and has killed when necessary as a shinobi, but nothing he did was  _ necessary _ . Slaughtering a clan, brutally murdering families and people, stealing children and stealing kekkei genkai, it wasn't okay. He was a bloodline stealer, or maybe will be?

He isn't sure what to make of what he saw. He wasn't sure of what any of it was, but he knew it was happening all around him. 

Danzou sets the pot down, crawling towards the table by the window. He gurgles the water and spits it out, cleaning away the vile taste of sick. He wants it to stop. It just wants it to end. 

He can't stomach the things he will do, might do, has imagined. It isn't alright. He's a shinobi, and that isn't as honorable as a samurai, but morals were personal and general amongst the shinobi. To do such things outside of a direct mission or outside of necessity was... _ disgusting _ . 

Without realizing it, he'd dug his nails into his other arm, slicing into the soft flesh as he sat there thinking. Little red crescents stared back at him, a soft but present pain. 

And Danzou deserved it, didn't he? Deserves it for that woman and her dying lover, for those two boys he ordered to fight to the death, for Kagami and his lost eye, for gouging out another boy's, for countless things and more. 

He deserved the pain. 

He dug his nails in hard and  _ scratched.  _

**_____ **

Nobody notices the long, jagged scratches that drag down his forearms, not his Uncle or Cousin Gatou. It's the end of the week, and Touka-sensei always gives them a day off, so he eats breakfast with his family. 

Trains with Gatou for an hour or so until he gets bored and leaves to see if the Mission Desk Shinobi have anything C-Rank or above to spare. So he retires to the sitting room to read a few of the adventure books that Hiruzen  _ swore  _ were worth his time. 

It's a calm day, nothing major or exciting happening the entire time. His arms burn and itch against his sleeves, the fabric catching on the clotted flesh, but it makes him feel almost better. It hurts, sure, but he can keep himself grounded. Make the bad thoughts go  _ away _ . He doesn't want any more sudden visions, so he presses on his arms until they hurt and wills them away. 

It works. 

He reads his book, presses down as hard as he can until there's fresh blood when he thinks he might see something, and has a good day.

He's hurting, but he has a good day. 

**_____ **

The weather goes by quickly. It had turned from summer to fall without much difference, but fall began to show signs of winter and the weather dropped significantly. 

It was  _ cold _ . There wasn't any snow, but the air was always chilled and it was miserable to be outside in it. It was the dry kind of cold that makes breathing hurt, like dry ice was being applied directly to his skin. 

So he bundles up in a warm cloak, puts on Kagami's little hat (and turns it inside out so nobody can see the neaty stitched Uchiha fan that his mother put on it), and wears socks beneath his ninja sandals. They're by the Uchiha district, going to pick up their friend. Hiruzen makes fun of him for his clothes (the Sarutobi was wearing a plain shirt and shorts, no cold weather clothes in sight), but shuts up when he sees Kagami. 

The Uchiha waddles out of his district like a penguin in the Land of Snow outside in three sweaters, two pairs of high grade shinobi trousers, a cloak, a scarf, and a second handmade hat by his mother. 

(Danzou suspects that Kagami's mother knows he was stealing his hats and scarves, not that he was losing them. But she kept making more. So it was fine.)

"They have sealing scrolls if you're moving out. You didn't need to wear all your clothes."

"Uchiha are hot-blooded by nature!" Kagami defends, his cheeks flushing. "We're fire! Our chakra's fire. We don't handle the cold very well."

"If you were hot-blooded, you wouldn't be cold." Hiruzen retorts, and he tries to push Kagami onto his back like a turtle. 

"No!" Kagami waddled away frantically. "Danzou! Danzou, he's coming after me.  _ Danzou _ !"

"Get him!" Danzou moves forward to shove the boy too, but Kagami shrieks and waddles away faster. He's barely there when he hears a deep, amused voice. 

"Shimura." 

Danzou freezes, turning around in confusion. Uchiha Madara stands in a hanten behind them, by the front gates. He looks over the boys, frowning, and then examines him again. 

"I wasn't really going to shove Kagami." He says apologetically. "I apologize for any offences against your clan."

Madara-sama snorts, "It isn't that." He says dismissively. He looks over Kagami with a judging stare at his layers and layers. "Come have tea. I need to speak with you."

It may be said politely, but the air is thick around them. Madara-sama's voice is telling. It isn't an invitation. It's a command. 

"About what, Madara-shishou?" Kagami asked, suddenly tense and confused. He squeezed his friend's shoulder, and Hiruzen glances around nervously.

"Nothing of concern, Kagami." Madara-sama said his name warmly, nodding to him. "It's simply tea. Give your mother my regard, while I remember. I appreciate the scarf she made me."

"I-- of...course." Kagami looked thrown off by the whole situation. His eyebrows knitted together, and he kept his eyes on Madara-sama's expectant stare at Danzou.

Hiruzen leans close to Danzou, "Do you want me to go get Tobirama-sensei?" He asks with wide eyes. "Uchiha-sama can't make you stay. Let me go get sensei. I'll be quick."

There's a distrust  _ there _ . In his face. The same hesitance and distrust in the Danzou's face and Homura's and Koharu's in his visions. Where Madara-sama attacks the village with that...that  _ monster.  _ But Madara-sama hasn't done anything to warrant such fears. 

Danzou nods firmly, "No, don't. It's just tea. I asked to speak to him privately about tutoring in Ninjutsu." He lies, easy as a shinobi should be able to. He waves his friends off. "I'll catch up with you later. I won't miss the festival. It lasts all the way until after dark."

"Alright." Hiruzen says slowly. "We'll see you there. I'm not buying the yakitori if you don't hurry up though, Dan."

Danzou scoffed, "You were going to make me and Kagami pay anyway." 

And with that, he crossed the threshold of the Uchiha Clan's gates and followed Madara inside. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love madara with all my heart. sue me


	4. extra attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than usual, but it's fine OKAY

* * *

Going into Madara-sama's home is nothing less than absolutely, unimaginably  _ stressful.  _

Because he's the leader of his clan, and Danzou is technically a clan heir, and there's a million rules about what to do in this situation. 

All of which he  _ promptly  _ forgets. Immediately. His head is empty and fleeting as the wind. Which is why he's staring at the man's house with a lot more interest than he really should to avoid staring at the man himself. 

And to be honest, Danzou isn't exactly impressed by the house.

It isn't the sort of place that befits a man that was revered as a power shinobi, a true warrior, and a noble clan leader Nothing made sense about the place. 

It was large, open, but empty. There aren't enough windows, and the paper was made of a thicker material in the doors. The blinds were closed. It was mostly barren, just the absolute essentials and small cupboards. 

In Danzou's house, everything was extravagant. Everything was light and airy like  _ here _ , but the rooms weren't minimalist like the Uchiha's home was. There were always scrolls hung on his uncle's walls, with fine bits of calligraphy or expensive drawings of legends or military campaigns. 

This house had no scrolls. 

Danzou kneels down across from a low table, bowing his head politely to Madara-sama, and his stomach twisted painfully. What the hell could this be about? Him bullying Kagami? Or was it the stolen hat with the Uchiha sigil on it? No, no, it couldn't be that simple. 

He's going to throw up. It's going to happen. He's going to screw up and ruin clan relations between the Shimura and Uchiha, which have always been tolerable at best and lethal at worst. Danzou is so  _ screwed _ . 

He should've just ran for it and hoped for the best. 

Madara-sama appears from a door down the short hallway to the left, a tray in his arms. He sets a cup down in front of Danzou, pouring the tea from an older looking kettle, made of painted clay. 

It smells sweet and floral, stronger than anything that they have at his own home. The fragrance lingers in the air. 

"Thank you for inviting me into your home, Madara-sama." Danzou says immediately, pinching himself for the way it rushed out of his mouth, unpracticed. This felt so different than visiting the other clan houses. Hiruzen's house was large, but welcoming. His father, Sasuke, acted a fool often and was so  _ war _ m that it was impossible to not be at ease. 

The Akimichi were always welcoming. They had always been like that. The Akimichi clan were too kind to choose a side in the former clan wars (except for the Yamanaka and Nara clan involvements), instead opted to stay out of the feuding and encouraged everyone to forgive one another. So he'd never been nervous about going to Torifu's family home. 

But this is going to kill him. He can feel his hair going white as they spoke. Is he sweating? Yes, definately sweating. Oh Kami.

The Uchiha sits across from him now, clutching into his cup with both hands. "Are you nervous?"

"I…" Danzou doesn't know what to say. Was 'yes' offensive? Was 'no' an obvious lie? "I don't know."

"You don't know if you're nervous." Madara repeats back to him, raising an eyebrow. He took another sip of his tea. 

(I should be. I really should, but I'm not. I'm not my visions. You aren't my visions. It's okay. It's safe.)

"I don't know." Danzou repeats. 

Madara-sama's lips quirk into a smile, "And here I thought you were thoughtful. I see I was mistaken."

"I'm thoughtful." Danzou protests, huffing into his cup. He takes a sip of the tea and  _ blinks _ . It tastes so good, like nothing else he's ever had. Sweet and fresh and strong, and he loves it. So much. "This is very good, Madara-sama." 

"It's my brother's favorite." His eyes darken, going misty for a moment before it was blinked away. " _ Was _ his favorite. I have more than I need, only being one person."

_ Was? Past tense?  _ Danzou doesn't know what to say about that. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters. His father died long ago and he doesn't really miss him. Sure his Cousin Kin's death saddened him, but not enough to really  _ hurt _ . But there was an unimaginable grief in Madara's eyes over his brother's mention, like he had almost forgotten he was gone for a moment. 

And now he understands. Maybe.

"I'm sorry about your loss…" Danzou doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want to upset the man. He doesn't even know why he's here. "I don't mean to be rude, Madara-sama, but is there a reason I'm here? Not that I mind!"

"I...spoke to Hashirama. And he said it would be best to formally thank you. For the lunches." Madara-sama says, a hair's width away from being too awkward, and he sips his tea again. "So thank you."

Danzou fidgets under his dark stare, "You're welcome." He plays with the rim of his cup, frowning at it like it personally offended him. He really didn't know what to say, but this man…

He doesn't remind him of someone who would attack the village. Especially not with the Kyuubi, the fiery  _ demon _ , and that's something, isn't it? 

Madara-sama's eyes soften almost apologetically, but there's something angry there too. Angry and then gone. Blank. "You're afraid." He said bluntly. His voice is resigned and tired. 

"I'm not afraid."

"You're fidgeting. You won't meet my eyes for more than a passing glance. You're afraid of me. It isn't--" His voice cuts off violently, strangled. His eyes narrowed into a hard stare. "I wasn't thinking when I invited you here. I've said my thanks. Run off to your friends, Shimura."

"I'm not afraid!" Danzou bursts out, dragging the words out of his chest. He clenched his fists, shaking his head. He wasn't afraid, not of Madada. "I'm trying not to offend you. I'm trying to remember clan etiquette and manners, Madara-sama. I'm not afraid of you. Why would I be afraid of you?"

Madara-sama blinked, head jerking as if struck. "I--" He looked lost, like he wasn't sure what to say. It made them the same. "I'm sure you've heard some  _ unkind  _ things about me. I know this whole village whispers behind my back. I can hear them. I'm neither deaf nor blind." He spits the words out like poison on his tongue. 

And that's true. Some whisper of Madara's glory, of his prowess on the battlefield. Some (more loudly) whisper of his horrible temper and are weary of him.  _ He can't even be trusted amongst his clan _ , he's heard before. And for the first time, it hits him hard why Madara-sama's so paranoid. The whole village seemed to hold him to a distance, seemed to want to keep him at an arm's length away from them. Everyone seemed to have an opinion about him, but nobody really  _ knew  _ him to have any right to their whispers. 

Danzou stuck his chin out, "This village talks behind everyone's back. It doesn't matter, it's just talk. I don't think it matters what they have to say if it isn't true." He looks around dramatically, feeling like an actor. Like Kagami. "I don't see anything wrong with you."

"I…"

Madara-sama swallowed hard, shaking his head. 

"They shouldn't talk about you." Danzou continues on, spearheading the whole conversation. Because if nobody else could see what was happening, if he was the only one with the knowledge of what could happen (of Madara-sama leaving and attacking and) due to their treatment of him, then he would be the one to say what needs to be said. "I don't know you very well, but you seem...not alright. And they aren't helping. But if you lost your brother, then it's okay that you aren't alright. You lost someone. My Uncle still isn't over the loss of my father. Sometimes….sometimes pain lingers, I think. It doesn't give them the right to judge you."

"I…" Madara-sama has his head turned down, so Danzou can't see his expression. "Maybe you are more thoughtful than I assumed for someone so young." His hands are tight against the cup, so tight his knuckles are turning  _ white _ . And Danzou thinks maybe he said the wrong thing. It wouldn't be the first time.

"I'm sorry." Danzou says. "I didn't mean to say all of that." He moves to stand up, to flee the whole situation. He shouldn't have said all of that. He doesn't understand the situation. He doesn't know why Madara-sama chose to leave in his vision. 

He doesn't even really know Madara. Maybe he's shoving himself into situations and places he doesn't belong. Maybe he should have just left the Uchiha alone. But then he remembers the first time he saw the Uchiha on that stupid bench with his burned food, and he'd looked so downcast. Like he was stuck in time, like the whole world was moving on without him. His eyes had been so sad and broken and alone. 

(And Danzou knew so much about sad, broken, and alone, didn't he? Or would know.)

And Danzou couldn't just leave him to his own misery. That would make him the same as the thing in his head that he wanted to prevent. That cruel, ugly, twisted version of himself that had caused so much pain and misery. If he could remake himself, what would it hurt to try and do the same for Madara-sama? If he could prevent future aches and pains, then maybe everything would be okay. Maybe it only took a little more trust and a little more kindness to make the dark go away. 

"No." Madara-sama said firmly. "Finish your drink. It's cold outside. You need the warmth." His voice gave no room for refusal so Danzou plopped back down. Sighed softly. His nose scrunched up in annoyance. "And perhaps you need the sugar too. You're much too thin."

"Thin?" He repeats.

Madara huffs, "I didn't create this village for our children to starve while at peace. Look at you. I've seen corpses with more build." He bristles, like Danzou's weight was a personal offence to him. "Do you never eat? You bring me lunches, but you obviously need them more."

He leans across the table. Pinches his cheek harshly. 

"Nothing. Just bone." Madara-sama shakes his head, muttering under his breath. "Well then? Finish your tea, brat. You need it." He glances at one of the few windows in the house. "You'll have to catch up to Kagami and that Sarutobi boy. They've made it to the festival by now, I'm sure."

And suddenly the air seems breathable. Every stills and relaxes, and everything is  _ okay _ . He's never been called brat before by anyone but his uncle, but it doesn't offend him any. It's almost affectionate.

Madara's mood seems significantly better, too. 

Danzou wants to make sure it stays that way.

"Madara-sama." He says formally. "I lied to my friends, partly."

"Hm, about the ninjutsu training? Yes, I heard. I'm sure they've caught on, they're shinobi. And if not, they'll need to learn to catch lies."

Danzou is going to do it. He's doing it. This is happening. 

"I'd like to ask that of you." He blurts out, suddenly. "If you have time, Madara-sama. Touka-sensei tells me I'm best at nature transformation. And you're the best in the entire village. It would be an honor to train under you." 

Madara-sama stares at him with a strange expression, "You want  _ me  _ to teach you?"

"Yes. I'd wanted to ask you before...but this is the best opportunity to ask." 

Which was another lie. He hadn't ever thought of it. But for all of the Uchiha's thoughts on shinobi and recognizing lies, he doesn't show any indication that Madara knows that. He would like to train under him, but that hadn't ever really been a thought he had.

"Alright then, brat." Madara-sama agrees, much to his shock. "I suppose I can. But I won't be gentle with you, not like that Senju woman. You want to learn, I'll teach, but I won't baby you along. Understood?"

"Yes, Madara-sama."

"Hmph." He grunts, and motions for him to go. "Off you are then. Go to the festival with your friends."

**_____ **

"WHAT?"

Kagami nearly explodes out of his skin at the news. He bounces by Danzou's side, leaving his snacks on the counter of the game they were playing. He tugs at his sleeve. 

"That's so  _ cool _ !" Kagami exclaims, grinning. "We'll get to see each other so much more! Madara-shishou acts so tough, but he's really a softie. He wears  _ all _ of Mom's sweaters that she makes. This is going to be cool. Oh! Maybe you'll get to learn the Fireball Jutsu. Like me!"

Hiruzen eyes them both warily, "That's a clan technique. So probably not." He tells them both, but then a smile spreads onto his cheeks. "You'll be so strong, Dan. Madara-sama is a very strong shinobi. My dad said he saw him in battle once, and it was the  _ one  _ time he was ever afraid."

Danzou grins too. 

It would be cool, he thought, to learn Fire Style Jutsu. 

**_____ **

Madara-sama does  _ not _ , in fact, teach him the Fireball Jutsu. 

He does, however,  _ blow  _ one at him. 

Which does not end well. At all, even a little bit. He has burnt hair afterwards and a nasty bruise on the left side of his face, and he pouts all the way back from the Training Grounds. 

"Oh stop with the face." Madara demands, although he looks nervous. Well looked nervous, the moment's gone now. "I didn't mean to hit you that hard."

"But you did mean to burn me alive." 

"I knew you would  _ dodge _ ." Madara-sama retorts, but Danzou narrows his eyes at him. 

"And if I didn't?"

"Stop, Drop, and Roll. Doesn't that female Senju teach you anything?" 

"More than you! She hasn't tried to burn me alive yet."

"I did  _ not  _ try to burn you alive. I was teaching you the basic ninja arts of  _ survival  _ and  _ evasion _ ." He argued back, crossing his arms. His hair seemed to raise on its own, gravity defiant and far too similiar to a cat's fur raising. "You simply need to be better at dodging. I could have moved away without getting my hair singed. There was plenty you could have done to avoid that fate."

Danzou pursued his lips, crossing his arms. "You didn't say we were going all out. You said we were going to do some 'basic exercises' and then shot a ball of  _ fire _ at me." He argued back, kicking a rock bitterly across the ground. 

"In  _ my _ day, that was a basic exercise. It was a fight to the death each training exercise! Your generation is just soft."

"That is not true. Let's go ask Hokage-sama."

"Do  _ not  _ involve that over-sized tree man in this, Shimura. It is  _ not  _ my fault you can't dodge--"

"-- a  _ ball of actual fire at a genin _ ."

**_____ **

The next training session, Danzou surprises them both when he uses a Wind Jutsu that Touka-sensei showed him to blow Madara's fire right back at him. 

He doesn't even really mean to do it! It's like muscle memory, except it isn't something he should know to do or react to so quickly. But he does it.

Which surprises them  _ both  _ so much that Madara-sama forgets to move away until the last possible moment. Which promptly sets the man's hair on fire. 

"Maybe you should have been better at dodging." Danzou says with a wicked smile. 

He runs all around the entire village to avoid getting smacked with the Uchiha Clan Head's gunbai. 

**_____ **

Touka-sensei approaches him one day after a particularly boring C-Rank Mission. It was a simple background investigation of a few nomads around Konoha's borders.

Most of it was spent interrogating the leaders of the traveling party, and then observing them from a distance. Eventually, Danzou almost fell asleep, Torifu ran out of snacks, and Kagami wandered off after a squirrel he saw so Touka-sensei decided they were finished. As far as observations, interrogations, and asking the new civilians that came from outside the Land of Fire, they were just traveling performers. So it wasn't worthwhile to stay and continue observations. 

So, of course, he's kept behind. For as much as Danzou's improved in keeping the visions away and concentrating more, he never seems to  _ not  _ find a way to get in trouble or draw attention to himself. 

"Ooh." Kagami grins. "Someone's in trouble. Shouldn't have fallen asleep during a mission."

Torifu snatched him up by his high collar, "You're the one that got distracted by a rat."

"A squirrel! I thought it was a fox. At least I didn't complain about rice all--"

"Well--!" 

Neither say a word until their teammates are out of sight.

"I've heard about your...extra training session." Touka-sensei keeps her face neutral. "You're improving dramatically. I'm impressed."

Danzou, always the eager shinobi, soaks up the praise. "Thank you, sensei." 

She raises a hand to quiet him. "However, I'm concerned about your choice of teacher. If you wanted private sessions with Ninjutsu, I would have found the time. Why didn't you ask me?" Touka-sensei had never struck him as the type of woman to be swayed by the opinions of others, but she's got that distrusting glint in her eyes. 

The same as everyone else. The same stare he saw in the faces of the others when he and Madara-sama walked through the village towards the Training Grounds. 

_ He knew that look. The look of distrust, the look of horrified pity. Hiruzen looked at him like that enough. And perhaps he deserved it.  _

_ They were weary of him. A decorated war hero, someone who lost everything to serve his village. They hate him because he did what he had to do. To protect Konoha, to protect his dark legacy, to uphold Hiruzen who was much too kind. Let them stare, they don't understand. They don't know how dirty he had to become for their benefit.  _

_ How dare they hate him for his sacrifices and advancements? How dare they distrust what they don't understand? How can the Village trust in the false niceities of their Hokage, of Hiruzen, when it has done nothing but weaken them.  _

_ They're afraid of strength. Afraid of what they deem too much, even when what they have isn't enough. Even-- _

"--zou?"

He blinks out of his newest vision, cursing himself for falling out of concentration. He can't press on his fresh scratches, can't make the pain will the new memories away, not in front of Sensei. That will lead to questions he can't answer. Or doesn't want to answer. 

"I'm sorry, Sensei." He grits out, offering a polite smile. "I stopped listening."

" _ Danzou _ ."

He bows deeply, "Thank you for bringing up your concerns, Touka-sensei." He begins, but she cuts him off. 

"I once fought against him on the battlefield, Danzou. I'm just concerned--"

"We're at peace." He interrupts  _ her _ . "Right, sensei? So I'm just doing what the village was made for. We aren't ever going to fight each other again. I'm asking my superior for help in learning. I apologize for not asking you beforehand as my genin teacher, but I won't let it interrupt my missions or my regular training, I promise."

Danzou doesn't really understand the old grudges or old fears. He was too young to be on the battlefield before the village was founded, and the Shimura didn't really have any major rivals to fight off so they lived relatively peaceful lives. He knows that some grudges and some things need time to smooth over and forgive, but he had expected better of Touka-sensei. She was nothing but kind to Kagami, despite him being an Uchiha. 

Maybe it was just Madara-sama that everyone was wary of. But why? Hokage-sama always emphasized that the village was one big family. They were all comrades, all connected by loyalty. But to single out a certain shinobi…

Maybe he was missing important details. Or maybe the whole village was misjudging Madara-sama. 

Surprise crossed her sharp features. Her eyes widen, and she let a strange emotion drift over her features.

"You're right." Touka-sensei finally says. "We are at peace. It's good for inter-clan relations." Her arms hang uselessly at her side, and she sighs softly. "You're something else, aren't you?"

"I don't know."

She extends an arm in front of her, so he starts walking. "Come, I'll treat you to a meal since I've kept you for so long." 

Free food? 

Danzou's in. 

**_____ **

He misses his next training session with Madara-sama. It's for a good reason, however, because they're called into the Hokage's office for a mission. 

"It's a B-Rank Mission." The Shodai explains patiently. But then he sort of squints and looks down at the scroll in front of him. "I think? Tobi's whole system is really confusing. Okay, so basically, you'll be traveling to the Land of Rice Paddies with a scroll to deliver to the Daimyo from the Daimyo of the Land of Fire." 

His usually playful demeanor turns serious. "What the scroll says is confidential, but it's important it gets there quickly. I'd usually send a more experienced squad, but we're running a little thin on shinobi right now. We've had a very large number of mission submissions and we don't have enough squads to accomodate them all." His big dark eyes look at them all in a mixture of pride and concern. "I want you all to be  _ careful _ . Even you Touka."

She scoffed, "It's a simple mission. We did far more dangerous ones when we were children." But her face tightens up, and she presses a hand against Torifu's shoulder. "We'll be careful and successful. I wanted them to have more experience outside of the village anyway." Her lips are tight and she glances at the Shodai's face. 

"Alright." Hashirama-sama nods his head. "You three are dismissed then. I'll give the important details to your sensei! You go pack! Don't forget hats and scarves! It's colder to the North where you're going. I don't want you to catch a cold!"

"Bye, Shodai-sama." Kagami said cheerfully, dragging his teammates out by the sleeves. 

"It's about time we got a real mission." Danzou mutters, stretching his arms. "Hiruzen's team has been doing B-Rank missions since they graduated. We're falling behind." 

"Agreed." Torifu added. "We'll have to prove ourselves."

Kagami nods eagerly, "We'll be quicker  _ and  _ more efficient than Team Tobirama. It can't be hard. Homura's on their team, so that must be weighing them down."

As excited as he is to be going, Danzou can't shake this feeling that something  _ bad _ is going to happen. It's like an itch he can't scratch. A hard feeling in his stomach that sours the excitement. 

But he puts it out of his mind. 

A B-Rank mission all the way to the Land of Rice Paddies? He's already thinking of which of Kagami's scarves he's going to steal for it. 

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to rewrite the end of this because I forgot the land of sound was originally the land of rice paddies but don't worry, I fixed the names
> 
> I was thinking about writing the next one in Madara's pov? Would that fit into the story? Hmmmm.....


	5. a new dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *loudly and with passion* 
> 
> I wrote this at 3:42am out of a bout of insomnia so this is what it is. 
> 
> Also, can we talk about how literally the whole village of Konoha glossed over Madara's obvious depression and blamed it on a Curse of Hatred? It's not a curse, it's called a terrible life. Bc I think of that a LOT.

* * *

Somehow, it becomes a lot easier to retreat into himself. Or at least easier _now_ that it had been before, when it was only Hikaku that attempted to wrangle him out his futon and ultimately gave up. 

Most people gave up. It wasn't so much that he didn't expect that, but it was more painful considering how easily and quickly they decided it was easier to leave him be than to try and fight for him. It stings at Madara to think that perhaps he wasn't worth the trouble of fighting _for_ , of trying to drag out of bed or into meetings, but then again he didn't blame them. 

He'd given up on himself too. It had happened quickly and without notice, hadn't it? One moment he'd been content with his only little brother, perhaps too hard-headed and hot-tempered but talented enough to make up for those flaws in order to protect Izuna. And then the next moment passed in a haze that Madara still couldn't completely comprehend. 

One moment dragged together like a story read so many times that details fade together and the main plot becomes the only driving detail left in something so worn. He had a brother. He didn't have a brother. He was going blind, and then he wasn't anymore. He was going to avenge his brother, and then he…

He didn't. Madara hadn't managed to find the strength, the talent, hadn't found the will to somehow kill his former friend; it just didn't happen. (And then he didn't die either. Because Hashirama has always been painful optimistic and horrifically _kind_ , and Madara should have known he would never have killed him, not without more reason than an attempt on _his life_. Madara should've killed Tobirama. Then Hashirama would have struck him down.)

And then there came a ceasefire agreement. And a village and more and more clans joining in. Plans for an orphanage, plans for more compounds, plans for a shopping district, an Academy, and plans and plans and plans. Which was wonderful, sure, but who was it even for?

For a dead little brother? What did he have left to keep safe? Izuna's ashes? Sometimes, he felt so lost and gone from the situation that he would _blink_ and the world had moved on without him. A whole village, a piece of his dream for the future, and it had somehow happened without him. 

Other times, other times, it felt like the world wasn't enough anymore. Food tasted of ash in his mouth, though it was probably his poor cooking. Izuna had taken care of making the meals, just as their mother had who had doted on him so greatly. Madara burned, he didn't create, and it showed in everything he did. But no matter his attempts, it tasted of ash and dust, and the sky seemed so much more faded than before, and he thinks so _painfully_ that it isn't _fair_. 

It isn't fair. Wasn't ironic? To have achieved his greatest dream, a place to protect his brother, without that brother? Was it even his dream anymore, or was it just Hashirama's now? 

He didn't know. He didn't have the energy to try to dwell on these feelings so heavy in his chest. Rage and sadness and _tiredness_ . Madara doesn't know anymore, between the emptiness that leaves him numb to his surroundings, and the absolute _rage_ at the situation he was in with his own clan and the village that despised him. 

He raged against the village he named, the place he was half-responsible for, the people he _fought for_ . The people Izuna _died_ for. They were wary of him, his own clan. He understood to a point, because he lacked Izuna's social skills and charisma, but he'd _tried_. He'd tried so hard to preserve their clan, to avenge their dead, to make himself the ideal leader. He'd tried. 

And even they'd abandoned him too. _Betrayed him_. Again and again, just like Hashirama. His first friend, his closest companion, the man he had once thought he could learn to love like a brother. 

_I want you to be Hokage_ , he'd smiled in Madara's face as he plotted behind his back. An election, just as Tobirama wanted, a choice just as the Senju knew would ruin him. It had _hurt_ to be betrayed by Hashirama, to be lied to in his face, to have the _one_ good thing left in his dream snatched away. 

But to know his own clan had elected the Senju? The clan he'd bled and broke and dragged himself up through the agony of losing his brother for? The clan he'd protected and cared for? He ate one meal per day, once, when rations were low as to not take away from his people, and they still chose _Hashirama._ Because he'd offered peace first? Because Madara had wanted to fight.

 _Insane, insane, insane_. 

It isn't insanity. It's rage. That was his _BROTHER._ His little brother, his youngest brother, the one that had reached adulthood, the one he had wanted this stupid village _for_. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. 

They hated him for wanting revenge. For not being able to gloss over the loss of his brother, but who could? Do they think Hashirama would be any different if that battle had gone differently?

(Would he be as angry as Madara if Tobirama had been the one to die? Or would perfect, wonderful, kind Hashirama have been able to overcome his grief?)

And everyday, he wakes up with that heaviness of knowing his brother is gone. Of knowing he will walk through a village afraid of his strength and wary of his grief. And he can't…

Can't function with this constant turmoil between grief and anger. It numbs him, it destroys _him_ . He isn't necessary anymore, so it doesn't matter. The Clan functions just as well without him, because his cousin Hikaku somewhat understands and he leads and he's _good_ at mediating, and he takes over when Madara can't bear to get out of his futon. 

Because what's the point anymore? Does it matter whether or not Madara's truly involved? The Village was somehow formed without his full attention, his clan didn't particularly need him for more than a figurehead, and it didn't feel like he was necessary anymore to anyone really.

Hashirama kept him informed, at least. Dragged him here and there, gave him an office and tried to give the title of advisor to mediate his loss at becoming Hokage, but what did Madara know about advising a leader? He wasn't even a proper leader to the Uchiha, despite all he sacrificed for them. He had role, a pretend one, a friendship with Hashirama that left him more exhausted than before, because he looks at him and _gets so angry_. 

(Why did Hashirama always win? At skipping rocks, at spars, at war, at achieving peace, at keeping his little brother alive? What made him so lucky, why did he deserve such _happiness_?)

Madara goes through the motions. He plays his role and signs the paperwork and goes along with Hashirama. Numbs himself enough to handle smiling at Mito-san, thanking her for the invitation to a dinner that tastes of ash, wanders around the village that loves his friend and despises him, and forcing himself to involve himself back into the world that doesn't want him, and he hates it. He hates it. 

(He might hate himself too. He does.)

He's angry. 

He's tired. 

Numb. 

Grieving.

  
  


Utterly alone. 

**_____ **

And then he isn't alone. For less than a minute a day, he isn't alone. 

Because a child keeps bringing him boxed lunches from the small shop down the road that Hashirama favors so greatly. The first time, an accident, the second a kindness. And the rest? 

Madara doesn't know. He suspects it's Hashirama's doing, because he's been desperately lately to drag Madara out of his home and force him into socializing with the villagers.

_They don't hate you! They just don't know you yet! You can be intimidating, sometimes, Dara!_

And he tries. But the children cry when he tries to help them, the Senju sneer, the civilians whisper their not-quiet-enough fears and rumors, and Madara just…

Had enough. 

But the boy's face is much too earnest and conflicted to have been ordered to be kind to him, and Madara doubts that Hashirama has the depth to him to think so far down to a rookie giving him a boxed lunch. 

So he accepts them. It's a small gesture, but it surprises him. Most of the time, he can't bear to eat them, but he doesn't say that to the genin. He isn't much to look at, not really, scrawny and scarred and he doesn't recognize him. 

But which of the genin can he recognize? Kagami? Maybe he could try and remember that Hyūga boy's name? Wait, weren't there twins? He doesn't know. Madara hadn't been truly well and involved, and this wouldn't change anything. 

So for less than a minute a day, he wasn't alone. 

Which was fine. 

It didn't matter.

**_____ **

It didn't matter until it did. Until he began looking forward to the boy's presence. 

Madara didn't have much to look forward to, spending most his time with a headache in his bed or holed up in the private shrine setup with the Uchiha's prized tablet crafted by the Sage himself. He tries to decipher it. 

_Seeking stability, one god was divided into yin and yang, these opposing two acting together obtain all things in creation…_

That's as far as he manages to figure out. And it doesn't quite make sense, not to his grief-riddled mind that finds like of interest anymore. But it's a tedious task, which often gives him the headaches that cripple him into laying back down, which would have once meant disaster for his clan, but they no longer depended on him. Which sends back into a spiral of _needing_ some sort of stimulation, a consolation. 

Something in his whispers to try and decipher it again and again. He's missing something. He should be able to see. 

He has _his eyes_ . Why can't he see the _meaning_?

So yes, he looks forward to those brief meetings with the boy. They drive him out of that shrine and back to that bench, and it's something, isn't it?

It's something.

**_____ **

It isn't right. 

It isn't right. The Senju have won, haven't they? 

They turned his own clan against him, even before Konohagakure. Convinced them to petition against him, offered his warriors food and medical care if they surrendered as prisoners, forced Madara into a corner in order to achieve _Hashirama's dream_. 

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It didn't--

Madara's headache worsened, the throbbing like whisperings in his ears, he knew this would happen, didn't he? A Senju in power, his brother surely to follow, beloved throughout the world as the _change_. 

Like Madara wasn't involved. Like Madara didn't have to sacrifice his love and vengeance for Izuna for this to happen. 

Like he didn't have his dream ripped away. It wasn't _right._

And Madara was going to fix it. 

**_____ **

His headaches go away when he doesn't spend as much time in the Shrine, studying away at the tablet. He spends more time with Hashirama, his friend and pretends he doesn't feel the prickle of goosebumps on his skin from the _looks_. 

Kagami's a happy distraction too. He's utterly cheerful with a sharp-tongue, and he's a delight to be around. His mother apologizes often for his behavior, but Madara doesn't mind. He likes the familiarity of listening to mindless chatter.

Izuna did it often, too. Spoke of his missions, his drawing lessons with Lady Hibana, birds he saw and leaves in the shape of circles, flowers and jutsu. 

It makes him feel a little less lonely. Kagami speaks of his missions and his teammates (one name strikes him as familiar), and Madara listens and it reminds him who all of _this_ was for. 

Because Kagami is twelve and just became a genin, and Madara remembers crawling through brush to plant explosive tags at _four_ as children were smaller and easier to slip through. He's twelve and he's safe and he's supported by a team with a Senju leader and out of clan teammates, and it makes him feel so much more secure with what's been created. 

**_____ **

(Nothing ever helps him at night.)

He's figured a little more of the tablet out. With a shaky hand, he scrawls out his findings with cold ink and an old brush. It's been night after night, all week. 

Without this, Madara feels ultimately restless. Restless and tired, a mixture of emotions, and then he misses his brother more, and the headaches come back. 

(And something tells him to do this. He's the only one that can. What else does he have to do? This Village doesn't need him. If he just left--)

 _When someone who possesses the power of Saṃsāra approaches the moon, an eye will open that is reflected on the moon to grant the eternal dream_.

Madara doesn't understand it. Not completely, but he'll study it further until he does understand. He has the time, the mind for it. 

An eye will be opened? 

_Eternal dream_ …

He'll study it until it makes sense. He needs a new dream. His original dream died with Izuna. 

**_____ **

In the end, that Shimura boy surprises him more and more. He doesn't think much about him, becoming more and more distracted with studying the meaning of an eternal dream. 

But it happens in the market district. He's picking up the groceries his idiot friend had _begged_ him to go get as he was too busy, and was promised compensation in the form of Mito's sealing scrolls. 

It was a decent trade. He has the packages beneath his arms, walking back towards the Hokage Tower, very pointedly _not_ looking at the newly carved head of his friend. 

He hears the voices before he sees them, young. Children? Madara pays them no mind until he hears _his_ name, and he stops. Listens in on what's being said and spies on the situation. 

A boy with glasses, a dark-haired girl, Shimura, and the Akimichi boy from Kagami's genin team. Glasses and Girl are repeating things they've been told about Madara, not so much out of hatefulness, but out of repetition. 

(Were they Tobirama's students? Did they take after his hatred? Why did the man despise him so much?)

Madara prepares to leave, used to the words by now. 

"Enough." Shimura demands, fists clenching at his sides. He looks embarrased, and Madara thinks he must feel unimaginably _exposed_ under their gaze, his own insecurities suddenly on display. The kids turned to him, surprised. 

"Danzou?" 

"I've heard enough of your rumors and your whisperings. I won't hear another _word_ about Madara-sama. He's a founder of our village. We don't know why so many talk about him, but we shouldn't be a part of the rumors." Shimura crossed his arms over his chest, and Madara doesn't know how to feel about the situation. 

One of the kids blinks, "What's the problem, _Dan_?"

His shoulders square up, and the boy bites his lip like he's holding back a yell. Madara knows that pose. He did it enough when he was younger. 

"If you have an issue, any of you have an issue, you should take it up with Madara-sama rather than hide behind a coward's whispers. We don't have any room to talk." Shimura explains, though he looks uncomfortable. "Don't let Kagami hear you say anything about him. He worships Madara-sama." 

He _did_? Madara loses the air in his chest, floundering. Why the hell was this kid defending him? Why did Kagami bother respecting him? Why did Shimura Danzou? Nobody else did.

Madara leaves, confused. 

He needs to find out. 

**_____ **

He doesn't entirely find out. The tea invitation reveals so much and so little about that strange genin and his interest in Madara.

He doesn't get answers. 

But he gains a student. Madara disregards the studies of the tablet to a later date, instead focusing on his paperwork at the office, motivated to finish it on time. He forces himself out of bed more, slowly gaining back more motivation. He needs to have _time_ to train that Shimura boy, which requires more effort and precision into his planning than he had been giving before. 

Danzou's a talented student. He's excellent at hand signs, Ninjutsu and chakra control, but his Taijutsu needs more work. Patience and attention. Does he have the right to correct that if the boy only asked for Ninjutsu help?

It doesn't matter. Madara's going to improve upon it anyway. He warned the boy he wasn't going to baby him anyway, and he refuses to let the new shinobi of the village be soft. He'll have to start making plans ahead of time to figure out a pacing for techniques that he'll teach him, that brat. 

(And suddenly leaving the village doesn't seem as viable an option anymore, though Madara doesn't remember when he began to fall so deeply into depression that it was once a thought at all.)

There are some in the village that don't despise him or distrust him, a comfort he didn't know he needed. Hashirama encourages the teaching when he tells his friend about the situation, and he feels so much better about everything. 

He has something to look forward to _now_. 

**_____ **

He's in his office doing paperwork, going through trade negotiations with the newly built Iwagakure to see what they can afford to import and export at a fair cost to both countries. 

It's tedious, but he has enough motivation to get it finished. Madara isn't a sensor, but he's an experienced shinobi, and any shinobi of any worth should be sensitive to a ripple of exceedingly strong chakra. Which is why he feels the _distress_ in Hashirama's. Not the usual dramatic depression that so often dampened his chakra in his theatrics, but something…

Painfully panicked. Actual distress. 

Madara takes off to his office, stretching his senses over the village. An attack? No, he doesn't feel anything, but he can't really sense very far. He isn't a natural sensor, like that White Demon of a brother of Hashirama. 

He bursts in the door right as Hashirama rushes out. There's a gate chunin by his side, red-faced and panting. 

"What's happening?" He demands. Hashirama's eyes are hard and _serious_. Fearfully serious. Madara prepares for the worst, and he has a sword kept hidden in his office for emergencies. It isn't his gunbai, but it'll have to work for immediate offence if need be. 

"I need you to take over my duties for today as Hokage." Hashirama tells him firmly, glancing back and forth at him and the chunin running down the hallway. "I'm needed at the hospital. Team Touka had difficulties on their mission--" 

Team Touka? That female shinobi? Oh, yes. Kagami and Danzou's team. He faintly remembers Kagami mentioning where they were going on a relatively easy mission. But difficulties?

"One of the members is seriously injured. I need to go." 

That's the most alarming thing that he could have heard. Between all of the clans, the hospital was well-equipped with medicines and healers, each skilled and with various differing techniques for healing. It was acknowledged that Hashirama was the greatest of these healers, however, and for Hashirama to be necessary…

It has to be a dire situation. His stomach twists painfully. Ice beats through his heart, through veins, and he feels utterly stuck. 

"I'll handle things." Madara tells him, mind reeling. Hashirama gives him a grateful look and firm nod. "Which member was injured?"

Kagami? Danzou? No, _no_. Absolutely not. 

Hashirama's voice comes out strained, "I don't know." He says quietly, and then he's gone. 

Madara stares at where he had been and his headache returned, throbbing like whispers in his ears. And he wonders, just what exactly he'll do if one of the boys dies. 

(He doesn't really think he can take the loss.)

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is very short but the next chapter is going to be very long so 
> 
> that's that


	6. just try to make it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, thank everyone soooo much for the comments! I really apprciate them, even if I don't respond to each one. 
> 
> second, this isn't as long as I thought it would be, but I'm happy with how it turned out

* * *

"Are we there yet?” Kagami complained, although he was smart enough to be  _ quiet _ about it. He shoved his arms behind his head. Danzou gave him a funny stare, and Kagami kicked the dirt with a leisure swing of his leg, watching the cold autumn wind blow it away. “Sensei?” 

“If we’re  _ still walking _ , do you think we’re there?” Touka-sensei sighed. 

Kagami frowns for a moment. His face darkens and his mouth twists as if he’s tasted something sour. “Don’t talk to me like I’m dumb or something,  _ Sensei _ .” He replied, crossing his arms. “It’s just my friend over there isn’t taking point anymore, so I assumed we were close.”

Touka-sensei’s eyes soften for a long moment.

“I’ll let you know when we’re close, Kagami, I promise. Just stay alert, alright? I don’t imagine anything will happen, but there are clans to the North of us in The Land of Rice Paddies. Not to mention, Takigakure to the East." 

Torifu blinked, staring at the bag strapped across Touka-sensei's waist that held the scroll from the Daimyo of the Land of Fire. "Is that message so important that it might cause enemy shinobi to attack?" He questioned. Touka-sensei nodded curtly. 

"Every mission has the potential to cause us harm." Touka-sensei informed them, keep a critical eye on their surroundings. Although, none of them were particularly worried about being spotted by another other than high class shinobi. Touka-sensei had placed a Genjutsu around them before they'd left so it would have to be experienced ninja to spot them. 

"But this one's important."

"Yes, this one is particularly important. This Daimyo doesn't have an organized shinobi village in his nation, just rogue clans. Therefore it's a competition between fellow Daimyo to offer our country's shinobi services as their main resource."

Danzou's eyebrows furrowed. "Why would it matter to our Daimyo who the other uses? He's still going to be paying us for our services." He asked. 

"Ah, good question, Shimura." She patted his head condescendingly, still bitter over him taking up another teacher. "We have a situation with the Land of Fire. We pay a percentage of our money to keep our village on the Daimyo's lands, just as each clan did when they were seperate. The more wealth we get from gaining more missions, the more wealth the Daimyo gets in his share. Therefore, he wants to promote us to the lands without shinobi." 

Kagami bobs his head, "Which means we have the potential to be attacked by enemies trying to get the Land of Rice Paddies as clients for  _ their  _ village." He realized, and it made sense then. Danzou frowned, trying to calm himself down. What were the chances of them meeting resistance going  _ this  _ way? There were no major villages past Konoha, which meant unless someone was sent from Takigakure, it would be an easy mission. 

It would be an easy mission. Deliver the scroll, get home and get paid. Perhaps he could train with Madara-sama before going home. 

But his stomach twisted uncomfortably, and he was dragging his feet the whole way. They couldn't afford to travel by tree because it would expose them too much, and the Genjutsu wouldn't cover them at extended distance. But all it did was encourage his feet to shuffle through the dirt and grass lazily. 

Something didn't feel  _ right _ . 

(His sensei's screaming in his ears.  _ Just run! Go!  _ Her hair's wild around her, flung across her shoulders. Her eyes are wide, hysterical. Blood-stained teeth and smeared lipstick.)

It didn't feel alright. It didn't feel anything close to alright. But Danzou didn't know exactly what was wrong, because this was a relatively safe mission. 

_ Blood-stained teeth and smeared lipstick… _

"Let's stop for today." Sensei squinted up at the sky, shielding her face from the afternoon sum. "It's still a pretty long journey, but it'll be safer to travel at night. We'll camp until dark." 

Danzou barely misses having Kagami throw his travel bag at his head, and he forgot his vile feeling for now. 

He throws his canteen at Kagami's knees and has the Uchiha chasing after him.

**_____ **

Torifu takes first watch. 

Kagami the second. 

Danzou takes the last one. They aren't ever technically alone because Touka-sensei has taken a high position in the shade of a tree while the others forced themselves to nap. It's practice for when they  _ actually  _ take watch without her sharp eyes to really watch for threats. They're too inexperienced. He sits at the base of a tree on a weather-worn, soft stone, his fingers pressed to his shuriken pouch, and he didn't feel rested at all. 

That sinking dread filled his chest again, like he'd taken a large gulp of ice water that didn't settle well in his mind. Touka-sensei jumped down from the tree, her worn, grey armor clinking softly. She pressed a hand against his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly, glancing at his lounging teammates. "Nervous?"

"No."

"Yes." Touka-sensei twisted his skin into a sharp pinch. She let go. "Don't lie to your teacher. I shouldn't have emphasised the chance of attack. Even Kagami seems tense. It's important for you all to be prepared for battle at all times."

"To expect the unexpected." Danzou quotes, making her give him her signature dark maroon smile. 

Touka-sensei stretches her arms, "But I doubt the chances of us really being attacked. All the villages are too new to have any elite squads meant for battle." 

"I understand." 

"I don't think you do. It's natural for rookies to be nervous, but you have something I didn't have when I was your age on a mission." Touka-sensei's eyes close as she smiles and she points at herself. "You have me. A sensei. And as long as I'm here, nothing bad will happen to you three. I'll gladly lay down my life for my students. So don't worry."

Her smile makes him feel so much better, but he can't shake the icy dread filling his veins. 

**_____ **

_ Touka-sensei is shrieking.  _

_ "Run, just go! Back to Konoha!" _

_ Her armor's busted, splintering into dozens of jagged pieces, two stuck into her stomach. She's screaming herself hoarse, throwing herself backwards, barely managing to escape an onslaught of kunai in her direction.  _

_ Everything's hazy. The air's unnaturally thick, heavy with a mixture of chakra and tension, and he has a handful of shuriken in one hand. Kagami cries out, but Touka-sensei doesn't bother looking in his direction.  _

_ She's still screaming. A kunai skims her head, and she barely dodged it. It goes straight through her top knot, sending pieces of hair flying lazily to the ground. The rest pools across her shoulders wildly, rising with the desperate, thick chakra she's wielding around her like a warning. Torifu's got his sleeve, pulling him forward.  _

_ Her teeth are blood-stained. Her lipstick is smeared.  _

_ Her last kunai is clutched tightly in her hand.  _

_ "Go! Now!" _

_ And they do, with Torifu pulling urgently on his sleeve. Kagami's Sharingan spins, he's shouting too, but he stops abruptly. It happens too quickly.  _

_ Does Kagami see it first? Does he know from the trajectory? Can he see it? A whistle of air.  _

_ Touka-sensei's not shouting anymore.  _

_ There's a kunai going through her throat.  _

_ They turn and run. Don't look back.  _

_ It's too late anyway. _

**_____ **

Dawn comes. Light pink and oranges flood a black sky. Birds are chirping soft and sweet, almost like they aren't all the way awake yet. They've still got a long way left to go, but the morning air is peaceful. It's chill and damp, and the dirt is soft under their feet from the morning dew. 

Slowly, and then all at once, a hazy white mist floods the forest around them. It's gradual, but then it's there, and Touka-sensei turns her head to look back at them. Her mouth opens and

  
  


_explosions_ flood his senses, the power and fury of them sending them each of them flying. His ears ring loudly, and his chest hurts, and he can't  _ breath _ . And for the first time, Danzou thinks he's going to die. Heat blazes against his cheeks, burning and welting the skin, and he rolls onto his hands and knees. Breathes through his nose. Touka-sensei's shouting turns into a blur of _ white static and blurred sound,  _ and he can't hear it. He can't hear, but he sees the  _ spark, glint  _ of metal against metal, but he can't see where anything's coming from. Hands are one his back, his arms, he struggles and gasps, but it's Torifu. Only Torifu. 

His temple's bleeding, thick and sluggish, and he's talking. He's talking, but Danzou can't hear him over the ringing. He blinks away the blurriness of his vision, stumbling to his feet. 

_...get the enemies. In the trees… _ He understands, reading the Akimichi's lips. Torifu turns suddenly, throwing a shuriken. Metal against metal. The world a haze of smoke  _ and burning and wood splinters in his shoulder and ring ring ring. Buzz. Static.  _

There's a man in front of them, sneering, a glint of a blade. He's swinging, and he doesn't need to think. Danzo  _ shoves  _ Torifu away from him, sends him sprawling into the safety of the grass.

Something shatters, like a wall of glass inside his head. Air hits his lungs fast, the world comes back to him in one, cruel, sharp  _ slap _ . He can hear again, the ringing gone, but the confusion settling under his skin. It's too loud. Metal against metal, armor clinking, screaming and barking of orders. 

A tantō meets his kunai, and he struggles to keep his arm steady against the blade. Sparks fly with each jab and thrust, adrenaline rushes through his veins, and he meets each strike with his own. It's like a dance he's done before, though it makes it no less terrifiyingly slow, and he feels the  _ warm-heat-deadly-MOVE _ of Kagami's chakra formung and splitting and 

flinging himself away, he misses the onslaught of Kagami's Fireball Jutsu. It rips through the thick, chakra-heavy mist around them, and he's shouting his name.

"Danzou! Torifu! Where are you?" He cries out, and Danzou needs to move the mist. It's choking, blinding, he can't see Kagami and the Uchiha can't see him. Another smoke screen and another flame, in the opposite direction, and he knows where he is, but can't move forward. 

He gasps in a breath, searching through fields of white on white on white. Thick and heavy. Metal against metal. Torifu back by his side, bloody staining his hair and cheeks, smeared. He can't breath. It's too thick. The fog has to go. He can't find Kagami or Sensei. Trembling fingers pressed together into sloppy hand signs, and he's praying he has the time because he can't find Masked Enemy in the mist anymore. The fire jutsu had distracted him, but if the man's tantō wasn't pointed at Danzou, it was on one of his teammate's which wasn't okay. 

It wasn't okay. This entire ambush was so  _ sudden _ . And his hands aren't moving fast enough. He's drawing at chakra that's moving too slow and sluggish and he's grasping at it like cupping water in his hands. Forces it into his lungs, thick and heavy and  _ breathless _ , holds the liquid-chakra in his chest and turns into  _ something  _ and spits it back out with all the concentration he can manage. 

It rips out of him like a tornado, a hurricane of  _ wind  _ like he'd never managed to get right with Madara-sama, and it meets against the heavy, wet chakra of the fog and they clash against each other, both unmovable, unbreakable forces and they press and press 

and Danzou floods his own senses and his own oxygen with more  _ and more and more  _ chakra until he feels a crack in the foundation of the foreign jutsu and with a final  _ whoosh _ , he dismisses the thick mist into a light, airy fog. And they can  _ see _ , oh Kami, now they can see. Okay, okay, there's Kagami to his left, burning and seething, flames covering the entire twenty feet around him, and he's holding his small, Uchiha-crafted sword in his hand, his mouth open. His Sharingan whirls and he meets eyes with Danzou. Kagami bounds over, leaving behind a smoking, screaming man that slowly crumbles to the ground in a roar of bright red, blue tinted flames, blackening into motionless,  _ burnt _ corpse. 

Torifu picks himself up off the ground, and there's a soft gasp. He's holding onto Danzou's shoulders suddenly, clutching onto him tightly. 

"Your leg!" He shouts. Danzou looks down, a piece of splintered trees from the original explosions sunk deep into thigh, and it hurts. It  _ hurts _ , but it doesn't because he's still moving. More kunai come flying down upon them from the trees, and Kagami's screaming as he meets blade to blade, and Danzou stumbles forward. 

Everything's thick and heavy and he can see his sensei fighting off two Masked Shinobi, swirls of color against the white masks, and she's a hurricane of blood and blades. 

Corpses litter the ground, blood on blood, all over his teacher, all of the bodies, more and more, and there's one hidden in the trees, moving limb to limb. 

It's still going on. Still happening. Every nightmare mixing together, a fury if color and sound and smoke that burns his eyes and wildfire and broken wood, and Danzou stumbles forward. 

_ Her armor's busted, splintering into dozens of jagged pieces, two stuck into her abdomen. She's screaming herself hoarse, throwing herself backwards, barely managing to escape an onslaught of chakra-infused blades comimg in her direction.  _

"Go!" She shouts at them, sharp and biting and so  _ so afraid.  _ "Go back to Konoha! Run!"

Danzou shoves his hand into the pouch on his back, pulls out four shuriken tucked beneath his fingers. A kunai in his left hand, his dominant hand, and moves towards them. 

_ She's still screaming. A kunai skims her head, and she barely dodged it. It goes straight through her top knot, sending pieces of hair flying lazily to the ground. The rest pools across her shoulders wildly, rising with the desperate, thick chakra she's wielding around her like a warning. Torifu's got his sleeve, _ no, no he doesn't because Danzou goes faster than he can manage to pull. 

He's sprinting across broken, seared earth. Touka-sensei grits her teeth, yelling loud and harsh and  _ worried. _

"No! Danzou, go! Shimura! Just go, I'll hold them! Don't throw your life away here!" 

And doesn't he want to? But his heart pound in his ears and his hands tremble, and  _ yes _ , he wants to run as far and as fast as he can away, but he doesn't. He doesn't because he knows how this goes. Danzou knows how this ends, he's skipped the story and gone straight to the end, and he knows what happens and he doesn't like it. 

He wants a better ending. Afraid or not, terrified and ready to curl into a ball and cry or  _ not _ , he's here. He can't run.  _ Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward. No wonder Hiruzen became Hokage instead of you. Coward-- _

He pulls his arm back. 

_ Sensei's teeth are blood-stained. Her lipstick is smeared.  _

_ Her last kunai is clutched tightly in her fist.  _

_ "Go! Now!" _

Kagami's shouting, but Danzou doesn't look back at his Sharingan or wait for Torifu to pull him away like the coward he can't afford to be. 

A whistle of air. 

Touka-sensei's not shouting anymore. She's too shocked. There  _ was _ a kunai going after her throat, but it bounces off uselessly when it clashes with the one that Danzou's thrown. Two masks turned towards him, like he was a mouse and they were cats, attention drawn. Her eyes widen like saucers, and his sensei stumbles forward, clutching the kunai with both hands, jumping after one of the masks. Her chakra flares like a wild flame,  _ hot and angry and scared and hurt, _ but she's alive. 

She's alive, and he fixed it and it's okay now. Torifu shoves him into Kagami, his arms and hands expanding into huge, monsterous limbs and he  _ roars _ in fury, running towards the men that come after Danzou. Touka-sensei roars too, a battle cry of an exhausted warrior, fear and vengeance in narrowed eyes, and everything

just ends. Blood splatters the ground. Someone in the trees yells for retreat. A masked figure, one still alive follows after the rustling of leaves and it all  _ stops  _ at once. 

His heart doesn't stop pounding. Kagami's heaving on the ground, dry retching into crumpled, cracked earth, and there's blood weeping across his back. Right through his clan symbol. Thickened, slow blood trickles down Torifu's chin from his temple, and Danzou can't…

He can't…

He falls, his knees giving out, his leg aching and there's wood sticking out of his skin. A huge chunk of jagged wood. Touka-sensei's on the ground, and she isn't moving, and how much of that blood on her was hera and how much was the enemy's? 

They need to...to....

"We need to go home." Kagami whimpers out, wiping his cheeks. But nobody moves. Nobody moves, everyone's too high on fear and adrenaline and Torifu is  _ trembling  _ horribly. "We need...we need  _ help _ ."

"Is Touka-sensei…?" 

Because maybe he didn't save her. Maybe his future visions, the horrible things that he saw were true, but what if he can't change anything. Maybe he's lost her anyway, despite everything, and that wasn't fair and--

Torifu breaks out of his trance, rolling her over, and checking for a pulse with fingers that won't stop trembling. 

"Alive." He whispers. "Oh Kami. Oh Kami, she's bleeding badly. I think...I think from a sword wound? No, maybe the pieces of her armor-" Torifu pales, shaking his head. Shoves his own jacket onto her wounds and presses tightly, using the sleeves to tie it against her. "Let's go home. We have to go. We have to go. We have to--"

Danzou blinked back tears, grunting in pain. Tries to stand back up, but fails. His leg won't work. "What about the mission?" And he squints, sees the pouch with the scroll still tied to his teacher's body. 

Kagami laughs, high and broken. 

"Everyone else can  _ have  _ the Land of Rice Paddies."

**_____ **

Halfway back to the Village, Danzou leap from one tree to the next. One branch, another branch, and then--

The last thing he remembers is Kagami's Sharingan and warm arms around him before the adrenaline finally fades and he's blacking

**_____ **

Out. 

Except he comes back to the painful stitching of flesh as a healer uses chakra to shove the flesh together and forces it to mend itself into scarred tissue. 

He blinks away the blurriness of his vision, eyes searching around. Kagami's in a bed beside him, laying on his belly as a Hyūga healer presses her hands into a warm, light green glow. There's an ugly gash across his back to mends together slowly (and probably painfully). 

He looks at the Uchiha in question.

"I carried you back." Kagami adjusts himself on the hospital bed, a pillow beneath his belly. He points as best he can backwards, and Danzou's gaze follows it to Torifu. He's passed out on a bed across from them, his head wrapped in thick bandages, and he's pale. Too pale. "Torifu carried Touka-sensei. The doctor said he had a con...concussion? Or something like that."

"Is Touka-sensei...?"

Kagami's expression saddens, "She's in surgery with Hokage-sama." He says very softly. "But Shodai said he thought she'd be alright. He promised to keep her alive. He  _ promised _ ." He lets his head drop, burying his face in the mattress. His muscles tense and then relax. He must have passed out. Danzou lets his head drop too, onto a pillow as the dark-haired medic finished her healing. 

"The doctor will check on you all later. I imagine you won't be released today, not a single one of you has chakra levels  _ near _ what you need to heal." She patted Danzou's shoulder fondly and firmly. "Rest now. I'll have a trainee come wrap your leg in a bit. You're lucky it didn't go through your bone." 

The way it  _ hurts _ , he doesn't feel lucky. But he knows he is. Kagami and Torifu are alive. Touka-sensei has a fighting chance. 

So he lets himself relax and falls right back to sleep.

**_____ **

When he wakes again, Touka-sensei has been put into their shared, large hospital room. It's not a very big hospital, not yet, but it will be. They'll need it to be. 

Her hair isn't wild anymore, but lies flat against the pillow. The blood's washed off a split lip, and there's  _ so many bandages _ . But her chest rises and falls, and Kagami's sleeping and Torifu's sleeping. Everyone's breathing and resting and healing. Outside the window, everything's dark and the stars glitter and he can see the lights from homes nearby, and they're  _ home _ . They're home, and they all made it back. 

They  _ all made it back.  _ He'd fixed it, that moment, he'd been brave and he'd tried and he'd saved his teacher. And--

And--

And that's enough for Danzou. 

It has to be. 

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as much as I love Madara, just couldn't fit my beloved boi into this chapter. Perhaps the next :^)


	7. the new normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda just filler, but it's FINE
> 
> this is probably the last update for a few days. my tiny vacation from work and school is over. but i'm also trash for writing instead of being responsible so who knowsssss

* * *

Touka-sensei is, even sitting up in a hospital bed with her entire chest and right arm wrapped and bandaged, the most terrifying person to have ever existed.

"I gave you  _ direct  _ orders. I told you to  _ retreat _ . To run." She fumes, her eyes narrowed. She waves her one good arm around, swatting at the air like she could manage to hit one of them across the forehead, but the genin stood at the end of the bed.  _ Safely  _ away from her. "I am your genin squad  _ leader _ . When I give orders, I expect them to be obeyed." 

Danzou offers a thin smile, biting his inner cheek. "Respectfully, Sensei." He says quietly. "When you give a stupid order, you should expect to be disobeyed."

Her face twists into a grimace. Kagami makes a point to step back, wincing in preparation for her inevitable shouting, while Torifu moves away from the window like Touka-sensei will somehow find the strength to throw Danzou out of it. 

And Danzou? He prepares for both of those situations. 

Instead, Touka-sensei's face smoothes out into a tired sigh. Her lips pressed together, and she looks like the weight of the world has pressed down against her in one foul swoop.

"You could have died. All of you could have died." She said softly, but gasped. Almost surprised by her own words, but the genin staring back at her looked just as surprised. 

Like it had finally hit them all. 

"But, sensei…." Torifu licked his lips, staring down at the floor with sudden interest. " _ You  _ could have died."

"And nobody gets left behind." Kagami added fiercely. "We're a team. We'll either all leave together, or die fighting together."

Touka-sensei  _ laughs.  _ Loud and bold and echoing throughout the room. 

"Fuck, you three are something else." She says through her bouts of laughter, smiling widely. Touka clutches her sides to ease the pain from her injuries, shaking her head. 

"But if you  _ ever  _ put yourselves into that kind of danger again, I'll kill you myself. Understood?"

"Understood!"

And they really did believe her. 

**_____ **

Things slow down. Torifu needs a few weeks' recovery time for his head injury, Kagami has to let his back finish healing naturally, and Danzou's confined to resting at his home because of the injury to his leg.

While  _ no _ , the shard of thick wood hadn't shattered a bone, it  _ had  _ torn through the muscle and all the connective tissue that was cushioned there and walking  _ hurt _ . So did sitting and lying down and moving, so it didn't bother him much to be told to give it a while to heal. The medics said to give it time and rest, but it left him feeling….

Bored. Even his Uncle couldn't argue against the direct wishes of the Shodaime when the very hysterical and overly emotional man very very  _ loudly  _ begged the genin to recover and rest. Right before he profusely thanked them for  _ bringing my cute little baby cousin Touka home to me! _ Which would have been fine because he knew Hiruzen would visit him regularly except that he couldn't because Team Tobirama left. 

On Danzou's mission. To complete it. 

Which really  _ really  _ shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did. He had done what was necessary, saved his friends and his teacher, managed to come back with his life and all his limbs (mostly). But it didn't seem  _ fair _ . 

That they technically failed their mission. Because the pride blooming in his chest was the feeling of victory.  _ I did something. I saved a life _ . But at the expense of their mission, so now Team Tobirama took the scroll and left on Team Touka's failed mission. 

And to be honest, it had Danzou  _ sulking _ . (Well, pouting, but he was almost thirteen and almost adults did not  _ pout _ .) Because what if Team Tobirama met no resistance? Or what if they  _ did  _ and managed to get away unscathed? Did that make them better than Danzou's team? And…

Did Danzou really  _ want  _ them to get hurt? Hiruzen was his closest friend, his best friend, no matter how annoying the Monkey boy was sometimes, and the idea of him  _ hurting  _ at all was… less than pleasant. 

He really didn't  _ want  _ Hiruzen to get hurt. That's just the bitterness welling up in his chest talking, all the rage at his failed mission. Which he understood why it failed, but it still didn't seem right that Hiruzen would just  _ steal _ it. Where was the sense in that? One genin team got hurt so hmmm, let's try sending another. 

Well, maybe he did want Hiruzen to get hurt. (Okay no.) But did it make him a bad person if he hoped Homura or Koharu got just a  _ little  _ stabbed? Or if maybe Tobirama was just a little exploded? Just a bit? Just enough to maybe not fail their mission, but definately have something to gripe about later. 

It probably did make him a bad person, actually. Fine,  _ whatever _ . 

Danzou would just lay in his room on this futon and wither away out of  _ boredom _ . It's fine. Let Team Tobirama have their un-stabbed, un-exploded  _ glory _ .

**_____ **

Being alone and in pain doesn't bode well. It gives him two options: thinking or sleeping. And someone can only sleep for so long before it becomes physically impossible. 

Which gives Danzou far  _ too _ long to think. Which is kind of scary, actually, because it was  _ one  _ thing when he could dismiss his visions as...mental illness. A slip into insanity, a far too active imagination, something  _ else _ . 

But everything that he had seen...had come true? Every vision he'd ever had about Touka-sensei, even moments before it happened, was accurate. The kunai going towards her throat, her screaming, every second of it was real and it happened at some point. It was the future. 

Which… 

Which, putting aside the confusion as to what was happening, about  _ why _ it was happening and his million  _ other questions,  _ meant that Danzou was a horrible, vile, disgusting human being. 

Because that meant all those  _ things _ he could look past, pretend weren't true, would happen. He would order slaughter of dozen (maybe hundreds) of people, botch missions, gouge out eyes, and experiment on actual human beings. Gruesome, skin-crawling experiments. 

(And torture. Flaying, ordering  _ rapes _ , beatings, psychological terror and conditioning--)

And Danzou did it  _ all _ . He took every dark, miserable thing he could and did it in the name of "the betterment of Konoha", but that wasn't  _ okay _ . That wasn't right. Even if it was for Konoha, it wasn't worth his soul. There was no way a man like Danzou was getting into the Purelands, even if he hadn't committed the crimes yet, he would. 

Wouldn't he? He'd defile every moral there was to go after, every piece of being a decent human being would be scrambled, he wouldn't be a person anymore. Was it fair? For him to feel so  _ prideful _ about saving his teacher's life when in reality, in reality, one good thing was outweighed by the numerous horrible things he would do.

He doesn't  _ want  _ to be that person. He isn't  _ that person _ . That person deserved to be dead, just a rotting, forgotten corpse left out for the buzzards. Nobody should remember him. But Danzou isn't him, not yet. He isn't always the nicest or the kindest. He's got a temper and doesn't make friends easily, but he would never…

Never stoop so low. Most shinobi would cringe and be sick if they saw what  _ he  _ could see. There wasn't any...any moral left untouched, any sanctity or respect in torturing children and stealing bloodlines. Purposely  _ hurt  _ other nations for little to no gain for Konoha, hurt people because they  _ might  _ become threats. He was a shinobi, he would do as ordered and what was required of him to protect family and home, but not like that. Never like  _ that.  _

With shaky hands, Danzou forces himself  _ up  _ onto shaky legs, standing with the wooden crutch he's supposed to be using to support his recovery. He stumbles his way towards his desk, swaying and landing  _ hard _ onto the small stool there. 

He needs to write it down. 

Has to write down every miserable thing he can remember so far. A list of things to avoid or fix, to mend whatever cracks he would cause in both his village and the world. He would do his best to protect his friends, if he could prevent Touka-sensei's death, perhaps he could prevent misfortune and tragedy from striking  _ any  _ of his important people. He could never create this secret organization, ROOT, and never steal any children. 

He could fix everything, couldn't he?

(And if all else fails, if he can't stop whatever tragedy and corruption comes, at least he can take himself from this world. He owed it to those he would come to hurt to end it before it happened.)

**_____ **

Danzou is sitting outside, even if the sky had darkened significantly and the air was chilled to the point that no one else in his clan could stand to be out there. It gave him something to do. Which wasn't much, but pouting on engawa with his arms crossed tightly and his fingers turning a light shade of blue from the cold, was a  _ lot  _ better than pouting in his room. There were many things he expected to happen outside, either it would snow or he'd freeze to death, both were fine. Instead, he recieves his first visitor. (He had hoped it would be Kagami or Hiruzen, but he's never had much luck.)

To his absolute  _ surprise _ , it's Madara-sama. He walks across the courtyard as if he owns it, head held high and hands tucked in sleeves. 

"It was  _ far _ too easy to get into your home. Does your clan not patrol at all?"

"No?" Danzou blinked. "We're at peace?"

The man raised an eyebrow, settling down beside his student on the engawa, letting his legs hang down, whereas Danzou was forced to keep his straight. The bandages felt  _ too tight _ , too constricting, and he was so cold. But the cold was better than feeling like a burden when around his Uncle and cousins, being treated like an issue due to his limited mobility. 

(Or being left to think over his new problems involving his... _ vision. _ Which was close to driving him mad.)

Madara regards his injury with a disinterested stare, "I see you were desperate to get out of our training sessions. Too intense?" But the joke fell short, his voice a touch too devoid of feeling and his shoulders too tense. 

Oh. 

_ Oh.  _

_ Madara-sama had been worried about him.  _

He bows his head, "It'll be a little while before I can continue. I'm sorry, Madara-sama" 

"Don't be sorry, brat. I heard about what you did. That tree-hugger won't stop crying about it. And Kagami's mother has fussed at me a million times for daring to say that perhaps he should be allowed to leave the compound to visit his teammates." Madara-sama prattles off, not usually a man of so many words. And that's when it really hits him that he had been upset for him, upset about his injuries and his mission. "She's sworn revenge against-- oi, brat, are you listening?"

Danzou offered him a reserved smile, "Of course, Madara-sama." 

The Uchiha  _ huffed _ loudly. He pulled a pipe out of his sleeve, regarding his student for a moment. Danzou  _ blinked _ at it, surprised. He didn't know Madara smoked. 

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all." 

With a press of chakra into his fingers, the pipe lit up a lovely red. He took a short drag of it, blowing the smoke  _ away _ from Danzou. 

"We'll work on your Ninjutsu later." Madara-sama tells him slowly, staring up at the wispy smoke. His face turns dark for barely a moment, angry and  _ hurt _ . "I read the mission report. You need more experience in situations where you can't see your opponent. One moment in the smoke, and you'll end up--" His face twists into a pained grimace. "You'll end up struck down. You need to be prepared."

"Do you have a lot of experience in ambush?"

Madara scoffed, "Not particularly. Nobody was ever brave enough to  _ try _ and ambush me. And I was never weak enough to need to." He puffs out another mouthful of smoke, and Danzou watches him in a mixture of awe and resentment. 

He looked so calm, so put together. Nothing like the mess that Danzou was feeling deep inside, nothing close to the same mental turmoil. Didn't he have any negative feelings? Wasn't  _ he  _ angry and conflicted and confused and hurt? Why didn't he seem a mess. If he was going to betray Konoha, if he was going to attack his  _ home _ , shouldn't he--

_ No. Shut up.  _

That wasn't fair to Madara-sama. If he was okay, that meant Danzou had been right about his feeling that the man had just needed a little kindness. He should be happy that the man seemed to be in a better mood than before! 

Right?

Madara-sama continued, "We'll work on tactics too. From what Kagami showed, you ran  _ blindly  _ at an opponent that outclassed you. Foolish. You could have easily been killed--" He stopped abruptly, his teeth clenching down sharply on the bamboo pipe. He took a deep breath, relaxing. "You need to be more careful. Stupid mistakes will be what kills you. A shinobi should be able to make a plan even in the heat of battle." 

"I'll do better next time."

"Oh, I know you will. I'll beat some sense into you, if I have to." Madara's dark eyes softened. He leaned backwards, thick hair falling down as he tilted his head up. "You're too young to die. I didn't create this village for you to die a boy."

"I'm not that young, Madara-sama."

Those dark eyes peer at him with a mixture of emotion.  _ Grief, anger, sadness, pride _ . "No." He said slowly. "No. You're foolishly young. You don't yet know much you should  _ want _ to live."

It hits him hard and suddenly, like ice water splashed on him. It coils around his heart, tight and knowing. How  _ scared _ Madara-sama had been for him, for Kagami. For two brave kids that really should've run, but chose not. Foolishly brave kids. 

He was a concerned, panicky man when it came to them, wasn't he?

Huh. 

"Madara-sama." He asks. "Why weren't you a genin teacher?"

"Hmm?"

"You'd have been a good teacher."

"Oh." Madara blows his smoke, head tilted thoughtfully. "Hmph. I was never asked."

**_____ **

Hiruzen tackles him when his team gets back. Actually  _ tackles _ him. Smashed their cheeks together and pressed him so close it  _ hurts.  _

"You were so  _ brave _ !" Monkey Boy tells him, eyes wide and so  _ so  _ earnestly impressed. Nobody has ever been impressed by Danzou before, especially not perfect Hiruzen. (Who was never particularly cruel, but also didn't really have to be amazed by Danzou's second best  _ everything _ .)

Hiruzen fusses over his injury, over his poor eating habits, over his ink-stained hands, over how much  _ air Danzou was breathing _ . He stayed the whole night, laying his head beside Danzou's on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling with him.

"You need to be more careful." Hiruzen says softly. "I really don't want to lose you. You're my best friend."

Danzou presses his hand into Hiruzen's. 

_ This is what I'm going to fix the future for. My friends _ .

"Only if you promise to be careful, too." 

"Deal."

**_____ **

By the time his leg is healed, Danzou has went stir crazy and he's decided that everything sucks and he wants  _ something to do.  _ Really, he'll do anything. 

Give him a D-rank shoveling manure. He'll  _ do it.  _ With a dopey smile like Kagami and some pep in his step.

Anything is better than Hiruzen's fussing, Kagami's mother threatening him if he comes within two feet if her house to disturb his 'rest', or being left alone to figure out  _ how _ he can sort of see the future. Or potential future. 

It's a real headache. One that's constant and neverending and he has to compartmentalize his thoughts and shove it away for a while. He won't turn away a gift, so he'll figure it out a little later. His brain will  _ explode _ if he goes over it again. Look to the future and the list and deal with the rest later. 

But the moral is: Danzou is beyond bored. Which is why he limps his way to the Senju Compound as fast as he can manage when a messenger bird comes to retrieve him. Torifu meets him at the Akimichi gates, grinning ear to ear. 

Crushes him in a bone-breaking hug. 

"You're better!" He said cheerfully, his cheeks a bright red and he looks so  _ well _ . So healthy and full-figured and there's no blood trickling down his temple. 

A voice startles them. 

"So am I!" 

Kagami's smiling, bundled up in a thick jacket with his clan sigil stitched into the sleeves. He has mittens on, though it still hasn't snowed. He opens his arms, and Danzou's by him first. Leans in close and squeezes him. Kagami presses their foreheads together fondly, a Uchiha tradition. 

"Mom says that she's going to kick Shodai-sama's ass for sending us on that mission," He says with a cheeky smile. "But she used to do assasination missions, so you never know  _ when _ . Element of surprise." His voice lowered significantly, and he cupped his hands around his mouth. "So watch out." His dark eyes are bright and cheerful. 

Torifu grabs them both by their collars swinging them around. "Let's go to the compound. Maybe it's Touka-sensei and she's better and we'll get a mission. Koharu won't stop bragging about her team's success rate compared to ours."

Kagami's smile is sharp. 

"So you've been hanging out with  _ Ko-ha-ru _ ?" Kagami purrs out, nudging him with his elbow. He jumps forward, balancing from leg to leg. "How's that song go, Danzou? About the Merry Kunoichi?"

Danzou copies his friend's wicked smile. Darts forward, winking at Torifu. The Akimichi sputtered and blushed. Waved his arms at them. 

"Shut up!"

"Well, Kagami, it goes just like this. She met a young man, so handsome was he! And the Merry Kunoichi had a naughty thought in her head! Why, I've got to get that man into my bed!"

Torifu covered his face, pulling his hat as far down as he could on a bright red face. "SHUT UP!" He moaned out, shaking his head.

"--and after that third round, that handsome shinobi said--"

**_____ **

Hashirama-sama is practically vibrating. He's drumming his fingers against the desk when they all shuffle in. 

Budding flowers curl around the doorframe. Vines warp the tatami mats, twisting in between the woven fibers, and it smelled of mint leaves. More and more flora seemed to ingrain into the room as Hashirama-sama straightened up.

"Thank you for coming." He motioned them for them to sit across from him. All three dropped to their knees on the cushions, and he nodded to himself. "Sorry you had to come all this way. My beautiful wife  _ UNFAIRLY GROUNDED ME _ ."

There was a flutter of a fan snapping shut and the slide of a shoji door from somewhere else in the house. Hashirama pouted at the noises, shaking his head. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, shifting.

"I spilled her seal ink. Wasn't my fault."

"It's fine." Torifu waved it off, although all three felt shell-shocked by the reaction. Nobody had ever Mito-sama, but apparently she had the power to ground the fully-grown, adult  _ Hokage.  _

Danzou respected and feared her all at once. 

Hokage-sama seemed to get back on track. Grain stopped forming off the roof, hanging downwards.

"My cute baby cousin still hasn't recovered." Hashirama gave a soft, tense smile. "So she'll be out a few more weeks. I don't want you three to fall behind. Thankfully, Tobirama has offered to take on your team until she's well again. My little brother is so  _ sweet!" _ He cooed, as if the man himself were in the room and needed coddling like a little child. 

Kagami's eyes lit up. "Tobirama-sama?" He whispered, breathlessly. 

Torifu beamed, puffing out his chest in excitement. Like the greatest honor in the world had been bestowed upon him. 

But, despite how desperately he had once wished to be on Tobirama-sama's team, how desperately he clawed and trained and bled for the chance, he doesn't feel excited. It doesn't seem as important now. Like a second place prize. A fluke. Almost a let down.

He should feel honored. 

(He doesn't.)

Danzou straightens his back, "Hokage-sama?"

"Yes, Danzou-kun?"

"Respectfully, no thank you."

Hashirama fell down dramatically, choked. He threw himself back up, gaping. 

"No thank you!? To Tobi?"

Torifu gasped. "But it's  _ Tobirama-sama!" _

"But he already has a team, right, Hokage-sama?" Danzou has this. It's like Madara-sama told him about preparing a proper ambush. Lead your enemy into it and then  _ strike _ all at once. "We would be hindering their progress. I'd hate to hurt Hiruzen's training. He's my friend."

"But...but…it's alright, Danzou-kun. He volunteered!"

Danzou offers an innocent smile, "I was just thinking. Madara-sama doesn't have a genin team. And since he's my teacher anyway…."

_ And then strike them down.  _

Hashirama gasped, delighted.

"A  _ wonderful  _ idea."

* * *


	8. black and white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/Perelka_L/status/1235150911443435521?s=19
> 
> GUYS DID YOU SEE THIS??? GO SEE THIS. I'm so honored, and this doodle is so cute. Thank you sooo much :^)

* * *

Kagami's grumbling the _entire time_ , "This actually sucks."

Danzou gives him a _scathing_ look. He did a hand signal for the Uchiha to _shut the heck up_ because he knows that Kagami knows that Danzou _knows_ that Madara-sensei can and will hear them. 

He stays crouched, signing. 

_Stop. Quiet._

Kagami's eyes narrowed. _It's been six hours. It isn't worth it_. 

_Yes, it is. Stop. Go away. Find new hiding spot._

_No_ . Kagami flexed his fingers, and stretched his shoulders. He leaned closer to his tree, running his fingers down the bark until the soft _crunch crunch_ noise happened. Not very loud, but more than for Madara-sensei to find them. With gusto.

He's there in actual seconds. 

"Only six hours?" Madara scoffed, crossing his arms. "I expected more out of _my_ students."

Without hesitating, Danzou swings around to glare at Kagami. The boy meets his stare with a challenging one of his own. 

"I would have been fine! Except Kagami blew our cover."

Kagami glowered, "You _know_ what you did! You deserved it!" He steps closer. Danzou gives him the same scathing glare. 

"I did not deserve _this_ ...this _betrayal_."

Madara-sensei blinked twice. Looked between the two like he was trying to solve a puzzle without any of the pieces. 

"Kagami, Danzou, it isn't--"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!"

Their teacher shrunk back, stunned. His hair bristled like an angry cat, and he crossed his arms offendedly.

Kagami's lips twisted into a sneer. Danzou stepped ever closer, almost knocking him off the branch.

"You wanna make something of this?" He asked. 

Kagami answered by punching him. Hard. Right out of the tree. Danzou went flying, landing in the hard, frozen dirt and bouncing left. Giving Kagami plenty of time to land on top of him, but Danzou's faster. Knees him in the stomach and lands on top of _him_. And off they go, a mess of tangled limbs and shouting. 

Madara-sensei stands ten feet away, head in his hands, rubbing out a new headache. He looks up, reminded.

"Torifu, you can come out! It's over! You won." 

The Akimichi appears out of nowhere, abnormally quiet despite his hefty body type, and he came to stand by his teacher. The Uchiha waved at them vaguely. 

"Why are they fighting?" His voice was the same as the men marching out to the gallows. Stressed, tight, and clinging to hope. Torifu offered a bold smile. 

"Danzou bought the last anko dango at the vendor down the street yesterday a few minutes before Kagami got there to buy one."

Madara-sensei did _not_ look impressed, "So they're going to fist fight-- no, no, it doesn't matter. This counts as Taijutsu training. I'm still a decent teacher." Because honestly, if he tried to get between them, it seemed like he'd get mauled. 

Torifu nods quietly. 

"At least I have one decent student out of this mess."

Torifu's smile is quiet, reserved, _serene_. He pats Madara-sensei's shoulder for attention. Leans really close to him. 

"I'll let you know a little secret. They do this every few weeks over the same thing. Sometimes Kagami buys the last one. It's a game for them. Touka-sensei made them run laps every time they fought. Although they forgive each other as soon as they get tired."

Madara raised an eyebrow. "That's a secret?"

"Oh no," Torifu's expression is wicked. "The secret is, I go to the cart before both of them and buy them all out except for one. Sometimes I like one-on-one time with my teacher." 

Madara-sensei stares with wide, dark eyes. He ruffles his hair. Absolutely preening with pride. 

"It seems I have a new favorite student."

**_____ **

Winter comes and coats everything in gleaming, white snow. It's the prettiest thing that Danzou has ever seen, despite the fact he's seen it year after year, it feels so much _better_ this time around. 

A clean slate. Almost a new year. The last time he saw snow like this, he was an Academy student practising his hand signs and mourning his chances of success when compared to Hiruzen. 

(He hasn't compared himself to his friend in _weeks._ It feels like a victory.)

His spirits are high, his head doesn't hurt, he's advancing because Madara-sensei is a wonderful (although strict) teacher. His hair has stopped smelling like old kindling. Really, everything is going okay. 

Which is why Tobirama-sensei approaches him. Because good things never seem to last for him, and grown men seem to get a kick out of approaching him for private meetings at their houses. They're really lucky Danzou's a little less skeptical than the others, and a lot more willing to appease because anyone else probably would have steered clear of being alone with these people. 

He arrives right after the snow has stopped, and he knocks on the door firmly. Almost immediately, it opens and Danzou remembers that Tobirama-sensei is a skilled sensor. He knew he was coming from miles away. Danzou shuffles forward, slipping off his shoes, and draping his wet jacket and Kagami's stolen hat on a post. 

Tobirama-sensei leads him inside, lets him sit close to the fire and warm up, and just _stares_ at him. Which isn't new, because this man had observed plenty of Academy classes to watch the students and it was always the same analyzing, _tear-your-skin-off-and-study-your-bones_ kind of look. 

"Thank you for coming." He says formally, although his muscles relax when he...finishes looking at Danzou? Like he expected the genin to have some weapon hidden up his sleeve? 

(Was he supposed to? Did shinobi do that around their superiors? He'd ask Madara-sensei later.)

"Thank you for inviting me." Danzou says automatically. This feels like having he's in a flashback, this has the same for formal and analyzing feeling as first talking to Madara-sensei.

He doesn't feel ready to throw up this time, however. 

Tobirama-sensei's bright red eyes gleam against the flickering of the flames. The light twists and turns as it crackled, shadows dancing over his pale face. It's a little intimidating. Okay, maybe Danzou _might_ throw up. 

"I heard your team has been placed under a new sensei." He says formally. He hasn't offered tea. There's no tea to sip at, and Danzou is _not_ living for it. He feels exposed. Maybe Tobirama wants it like that. "How is that going?"

Oh. _Oh_. Now, he gets it. 

(Flashes of distrust. Barking orders. _Stay here and guard the civilians._ Madara's attack.)

He hadn't considered this angle before. Sure, he knew about the distrust between the Village and Madara, but it had always come to his mind as a shared rumor kind of thing. It had never really occurred to him to consider Tobirama-sensei as part of the problem. 

No wonder Hiruzen always seemed hesitant around Madara. 

"Tobirama-sensei," Danzou offers back, immediately defensive. His sensei was doing better. Smiling and everything. He wasn't going to ruin it. "Respectfully, let's drop the manners, and just tell me exactly _why_ you want to know about Madara-sensei."

Tobirama looked struck for a moment, taken back. His eyes narrow into another calculating stare. Danzou swears he can see the gears turning in his head. 

"I'm just a little concerned, is all. I was under the impression I would be taking over as your temporary teacher until my cousin was well enough to return to her duties. I just want to make sure your squad is well off as Madara has no teaching experience. At all."

_Oh. Oh._

_Ohhhhhh._

_Caught you._

"Tobirama-sensei," Danzou whispers, delighted. "You're upset. You're upset that he was chosen as our teacher instead of _you_."

The man immediately flustered, "That is _not_ what I--" He began defensively too, and his cheeks turned a light shade of blooming pink. 

"Our squad is fine. Our teacher is fine. Madara-sensei didn't steal us, we picked him." Danzou prattles off, his chest getting lighter and lighter with each word. "I'm not sure _why_ you hate Madara-sensei, but please leave me and my team out of it."

Tobirama-sensei has the nerve to look genuinely flabbergasted. He blinks a few times, caught off guard, and Danzou is absolutely thrilled by it. Really, his sensei would be so proud of him right now. 

"I do _not_ hate Uchiha Madara." 

Danzou scoffs, "So you aren't actively working against him?" And if his new memories are anything to go by (which they are), he's actively working against the Uchiha in _general_. But he isn't going to say that, not yet. The Uchiha Clan is on his list of things to fix, but he hasn't remembered enough details to fix it. Only that it had something to do with Tobirama-sensei's policies as Hokage? 

He needs more time to think it over. 

"I am not going against Madara." Tobirama grits out, crossing his arms across his chest like a shield. "You sound like my brother."

Danzou sighed _very loudly._ His headache is back. The snow doesn't seem so pretty anymore. The world has returned in full force. 

"Tobirama-sensei, _respectfully_ , maybe you should listen to your brother instead of trying to goad a genin into information for _whatever_ you're trying to prove."

And the look that the man gives him as he gets up and marches out is _wonderful_ and Danzou's going to keep that memory _forever_. 

**_____ **

Torifu whispers into his ear, "Is there a reason Tobirama-sama might be spying on us?"

Danzou continues his stretches. 

"Just ignore him." 

Kagami gives them both a confused, annoyed stare.

"This is the third time he's watched us. Maybe we should say something?"

Danzou sighs _very very_ loudly. "Just _ignore_ him." 

**_____ **

He approaches him in the street. While he's enjoying his nice, warm cup of tea and doing his best to _ignore_ everyone because even Danzou deserves a break. 

Tobirama sits down beside him, orders himself a drink too. Stares at him. 

Oh _Kami._

"Tobirama-sensei." Danzou says very softly. "Could you please just say what you want to say."

Tobirama-sensei stiffens, his lips twisting into a grimace. "I don't hate Uchiha Madara. I don't know what he's told you, but--"

"He hasn't told me anything. It's obvious in Hiruzen's distrust for him and _your_ distrust in him."

Tobirama-sensei blinks. "Saru doesn't…?" He sighs deeply, pressing two fingers against his temples. "Distrust is _not_ hatred. And if my students have mirrored any of my behaviors, I can correct that."

"Good." Danzou very pointedly sips at his tea, smiling when the waitress sets a cup down beside Tobirama-sensei. The waitress blushed and waved. "Is there a reason it bothers you so much that I think you hated my teacher?"

Tobirama-sensei huffs quietly. 

"He hates _me_ . The feeling is not mutual, and I don't want it said that it is. He hates me, and there's something negative in his chakra. Something... _wrong_ ." He explains patiently, fiddling with the rim of his cup. "I will correct my students' behavior. But I will not allow Madara to play the victim when it's him that actively tries to persuade my brother against _me_."

And there's a lot to unpack there, really there is. But Danzou is twelve and he has a headache again, and his tea is going cold in the frigid winter air, and he can only fix so much. 

He thinks back to every mention of the Senju clan. To every moment where Madara-sensei might have mentioned Tobirama. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. And he didn't hear much against Tobirama-sama in the village. 

Danzou offers up the best explanation he can think of, which really isn't much to go on. "Sensei, I really don't think he hates you. I don't know about the...negative feeling in his chakra. I'm not a sensor, but maybe that's because of the fact the village doesn't seem to trust him? I'd be a little negative too. Maybe you just distrust each other?"

"I...did not think of that." Tobirama-sensei twists his fingers over the rim of the cup, sighing softly. 

"Did you try talking to him? Like privately to discuss your issues with each other?"

Tobirama-sensei sounded _almost_ embarrased, "I also did _not_ think of that." 

**_____ **

Danzou was not present for the first talk between Tobirama and Madara. But from the gossip between the villagers and the chuunin that work in the same office space as Tobirama-sensei, it ended in a screaming match. A very loud, very emotional, very fire meets water kind of screaming match. 

(There are repairs that have to be made.)

Which

doesn't _really_ feel like progress. 

But he holds out his hopes that maybe he doesn't really need to be involved in whatever hatred-not hatred thing they have going on. Because he has enough issues with himself and his own doings to meddle in theirs.

So really, he just hopes for the best. 

**_____ **

Tobirama-sensei comes to observe their practice _formally_ one day. He sits by a tree, shielded from the light snow by an umbrella. 

His arms are crossed. He doesn't show any actual emotions on a stern face, but Madara-sensei is having a _delightful_ time having his students show off all of their skills. He leans close to Danzou, pats his head. 

"Show him your Fireball jutsu."

Danzou hesitates, "But I'm not supposed to show anyone that I can do a interclan technique…"

"No." Madara-sensei is far too proud of himself. "Go ahead, show him." 

His fingers shift into the practised hand signs, _Serpent, ram, monkey, boar, horse, tiger._

(This had taken two weeks to learn, even with Kagami's help. Danzou's chakra nature was wind, but he could shift between other chakras if he tried hard enough.)

The chakra inside of him fumbles and sparks, like lighting a fire with a flint, _spark spark spark_. He isn't great at sensing, but he can always somehow feel his own. 

Danzou sucks in a breath and spits out a fire as hot as he can manage. Pours his energy into forcing the technique into keeping its shape, into making it hot and big and _it burns at his cheeks_ , but he's trying to impress both of the teachers watching him. 

As soon as he's finished, he twists around to watch their faces. He looks to his team leader first. Madara-sensei gives him a curt nod, his eyes soft and prideful, and he moves forward. Pats him on the head again. 

"We've made him jealous. His team can't compete with mine." Madara-sensei looks at the other two (who showed off in a sparring match against each other first). "Come on. We're going out to eat."

(And if Danzou had really thought about it, if he'd taken a moment to really think about the significance of Madara teaching an outsider his clan's famous technique, maybe he would have thought to look at Tobirama's shocked-amazed face first instead of turning to Madara.)

Kagami bounced to his feet. Torifu stumbled after him, their exhaustion forgotten. The Uchiha bounds over, slings his arm over Danzou's neck, grinning. 

"You should've seen Tobirama-sama's face when you blew fire." Kagami tells him, bumping their foreheads together. Which hits Danzou _hard_. Reminded of the other man, so he turns, but finds that the Senju is gone now. 

Huh. 

"Hurry up. All of your hard work has made me hungry." Madara-sensei tells them, shuffling through the snow in long strides. His students race after him. 

**_____ **

He wakes up screaming. 

Not out of a nightmare, or a vision, but because when he jolts out of sleep in the middle of the night, he finds something _else_ there.

 _Something_ standing above his bed. It's a figure, a person, a monster, a ghost. A demon, like in the scary stories he liked when he was little. He doesn't know. It's black, black as the night, like a shadow made flesh. 

It's limbs twist and curve and it's right _there_ above him, staring down at him with gleaming, bright eyes that don't blink or move or…

Or… look like eyes. They don't look like eyes. It morphs, shadowy hand twisting into something sharp. No, no, maybe it drew a kunai. He doesn't know. He...he...

Danzou _screams_. He's too afraid to move, his limbs don't comply with him, and his heart's beating too fast. He's paralyzed and it's leaning so close and it isn't…

It isn't…

(It feels so familiar. Why does it feel so familiar?)

He closes his eyes as tight as he can, refuses to look, can't bare to. He hears footsteps, loud and thundering. His door bursts open, and he jolts and his limb move _finally._ Finally. 

His heart doesn't slow, not even when Cousin Gatou grabs him up by his shirt, checks him for injuries. He can't _breath_. Doesn't even really move, even as Gatou searches for the danger. Danger that isn't there, that was never there. A faceless monster.

It wasn't there anymore. It wasn't there. It was...

"A fuckin' night terror." He spat down, dropping Danzou down like a rag doll. "Don't scream like a fuckin' little girl over a _dream_."

And then he's alone and he's scared and he…

He…

It hits him suddenly that the chakra coming off that _thing_. It was Madara-sensei's. It was…

He doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

**_____ **

During a simple D-Rank, he really can't bring himself to involve himself in the conversation. He stays to himself, tired and unsure. Apparently his hour of silence is enough to concern his teacher. Madara-sensei asks him what's wrong. It's an easy question, isn't it?

Doesn't feel like an easy answer.

"I'm fine, Madara-sensei."

Madara-sensei gives him a hard look. "You will not lie to me. You're not yourself." He said slowly. He leans down, looks him in the eyes. But he can't keep it. Danzou breaks the gaze, looks away. 

He thinks of the _thing_. His nightmare. Can't bear to meet his teacher's eyes, not when he can't get that thing out of his head. He can't…

"Danzou?"

He offers a weak smile. "I'm fine, sensei."

Danzou hurries away, leaving him standing there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danzou's done with everyone's shit and Zetsu's here to fuck some stuff up :^)
> 
> Also as you can tell, my irresponsible ass could be studying, but no no I prefer doing this


	9. so did you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uchiha Madara deserves all the love in the world, that's just the law. Sorry I don't make the rules 🤷
> 
> (Zetsu deserves none of that love, also the law 🤷)

* * *

Hiruzen crouched down _low._ He was hidden behind a vendor's cart, and Danzou blinked down at him stupidly.

Hiruzen very dramatically _whispered_ , "Is that what I think it is?"

"Why are you hiding?" Danzou asked at a normal volume, crouching down next to him, pulling his thick hair down so nobody could see it poking out over the cart.

Hiruzen did hand motions, like he was trying to _mime_ what was happening. His friend gave him a _very_ unimpressed look. 

"That's Tobirama-sensei!" Hiruzen whisper-yelled. 

"Uh huh."

"And Madara-sama."

"Yes, that's right."

" _Together_."

Danzou peeked over the cart again, and watched the two interact. It wasn't exactly friendly, but it wasn't entirely hostile. Madara-sensei and Tobirama-sensei were...arguing? No, no, he's seen them arguing before and that usually ends in actual screaming matches. Bickering. 

They were walking side by side, _bickering_. 

"Maybe they talked out their issues." Danzou suggested softly, standing back up and brushing the snow off his shins. "Or they're plotting our combined deaths."

"Danzou, get down!"

"No."

Hiruzen cocked his head to the side, still trying to keep out of sight like Tobirama-sensei probably didn't already sense them a mile away. 

"Tobi-sensei said we weren't supposed to be weird around Madara-sensei anymore." Hiruzen notes softly, patting his own face. It reminded Danzou of the dancing monkey Genjutsu that Kagami favors so greatly. "And he lets him watch our practices too. I think they've got some kind of competition going on." 

"Competition?" Danzou questioned. "Huh, that'd be kind of fun. Maybe we'll start doing combined practices?"

Hiruzen _lit_ up, distracted by their teachers' spending an afternoon together. He threw an arm around his neck, grinning. He was missing a tooth in the back of his smile. 

"Just like at the Academy." He breathed out, and nudged their faces together to _smoosh_ their cheeks. He holds a hand out, chatting. 

Danzou, very skillfully, manages to redirect them _away_ from their teachers. Even he wasn't entirely _sure_ what was happening over there, but it was better to let it run its course and see what happens. 

Danzou could only do _so much_ . Right? _Right._

He had laid the foundation, planted the seeds, all that philosophical knowledge he never quite understood, and it was up to them to figure their issues out. Which, he thought they were doing better? 

Madara-sensei seemed in a better mood, more fond than tired, more willing to go out and spend time with his team outside of just training. Tobirama-sensei observed a few more of their training sessions (although he always seemed to focus more on Madara, which was a negative sign, right?). Everything seemed to be okay. 

There weren't any signs of Madara-sensei's intentions to leave the village. Nothing he said or did showed Danzou that he was having any bad thoughts, that he wanted to hurt his village. If anything, it seemed like Madara-sensei was finally a _part of the village._ It was just...better. 

So Danzou was leaving it alone, and taking himself out of the equation. They would get along or they wouldn't. He couldn't force _anything_ more than he already had. 

"Dumb Monkey." Danzou said slowly, the name slipping off his tongue as easily as spitting fire. "Let's go get some hijiki. I'm hungry, and I _know_ you always are." 

Hiruzen's smile was blinding. " _This_ is why you're my absolute best friend." 

**_____ **

New Plan: 

If Danzou pretend there isn't problem long enough, it'll go away. Or at _least_ stop bothering him as much. Which is why he manages to go to practices and on missions without missing a single beat after he saw _It._ It hasn't been back since the first time, which made him think it was _just a bad dream._

Which isn't new for Danzou. He's used to bad dreams, horrible nightmares he can't escape from. So it felt better, that if one disappeared, maybe they'd all disappear. 

(They didn't. Some of them were repetitives. He's dreamed of Kagami's funeral more times than he can count. He can still hear his mother, Uchiha Mio, screaming. He can still see the _disappointment and fear_ in Hiruzen's eyes. Homura doesn't meet his gaze ever. Torifu never even bothers speaking to him after that.)

So he just sort of glosses over his former fear, forcing himself past that ugly, nasty _terror_ he felt whenever he felt Madara-sensei's chakra. He was able to move past it. If he pretended it didn't still scare him to think of that _thing_ , then he wasn't scared. 

Not to brag, but Danzou was an _expert_ at avoiding his problems. He used to sit outside in the cold for hours during the winter until he was sure his Uncle and the elders were retired to bed before he'd go home. He was perfectly capable of pretending that nothing bothers him, and avoiding any kind of confrontation over it. 

It was absolutely going to work. 

**_____ **

Torifu nudges Kagami, "You have it, right?" He whispers urgently, and Danzou shadows him. He glances back at sensei, who was preoccupied glaring at the offending tree that Kagami had set on fire. 

For distraction. (Although he got way too much satisfaction out of it.)

"Yeah, I have it." Kagami set a sealing scroll on the ground, a basic one that the Academy had required all of them to have to attend. Danzou and Torifu crowded around him, concealing it from view as their friend did two handsigns and unsealed it.

"You brats, you know I have to hear about this from Hashirama every time you set--" Madara-sensei began, and Danzou looked up urgently. He extended his shoulders, trying to block everything from view as Kagami finished tying the box back up and putting his scroll away. 

Madara-sensei huffed, "What are you brats planning? If you try to cut my hair one more time, I won't pull my punches." He warned them, stalking forward. Torifu frantically grabbed the box and shoved it behind his back. Kagami hides a smile, nodding quickly.

"We aren't going after your rat nest again, sensei!" He chimed, trying to be charming and just falling short. That must have signalled to sensei that something was wrong because Kagami only ever lost his cool when he was scared or excited. 

" _Brats_ ." But his muscles loosen up and he stands in front of them, scrutinizing their faces. Hands behind their backs, the genin _tried_ to look as innocent as humanly possible, but even Kagami can't manage it. He's basically vibrating in place, visable even through his two sweaters. "What's going on? What are you three plotting?"

Torifu takes a deep breath. "We had a meeting with Hashirama-sama a few days ago." He begins, glancing back at his fellow students. Danzou gives him a confident nod. "About you, Madara-sensei."

Their sensei's face tenses up, like he was preparing for a strike. He straightens up, adjusting his hanken, and flexes his white fingers. 

"I see." Madara-sensei's voice gets deeper, like he was nervous? Danzou and Torifu share a look. What was he nervous about? "And what did Hashirama say?"

"Well, he said it was really important. And that it affected the team and--"

Madara-sensei raises a hand to silence them, "I should've guessed. I assume Senju-san has recovered and I'm being... _removed_ as your teacher. I expected it would be coming." He kept his face twisted into a pained grimace, and Danzou's brain stopped functioning. 

Oh Kami, why did their teacher _always_ assume the worst? Everyone seemed to expect the worst, especially Madara and Tobirama. He has to backtrack. Torifu seemed to get what he was thinking and moved forward.

"No! No. Sensei, no!" He shouts, shaking his head frantically. "It was about your birthday!"

Madara-sensei flinched back, blinking. "My birthday…?" Despite his confusion, he seemed to be _relieved_. "What the hell are you on about, brats?"

Torifu stuck his arms out, offering him the box. It was neatly wrapped in brown paper and a woven string, which Kagami had begged his mother to do. Madara-sensei blinked down at it again, as if he wasn't exactly sure what it was or what to do with it. 

"We all chipped in all of our money from those D-Ranks and got you a gift. Mom wrapped it for us." Kagami chirped, bouncing on his heels. He swung his body front to back, on the balls of his feet. "Danzou and I picked it out, but Torifu gave us the idea."

Madara-sensei still does not take the box. "You three got me a birthday gift..?"

"Are you going to open it?" Danzou asks quietly, because now he isn't so confident. What if Madara hates gifts? What if he specifically hates _their_ gift? What if the date was wrong? What if--

He takes the gift, peering at it like he was cradling an explosive tag or a poisoned blade, careful and deliberate. Sensei very _slowly_ pulls the twine until it gave, falling to the snowy ground, and then he peels back the paper. 

It was a dark brown falconry gauntlet, made of thick, buttery leather. Torifu had been the one to point out their teacher's interest in falcons as they struggled over gift ideas, and Kagami had asked his mother about what went with the hobby. Danzou had asked the few falcon-summoners in his clan about it, and they recommended the shop for them. It had been a great bout of teamwork. 

Madara-sensei stares at it like it's foreign. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe he hated it. The Uchiha swallows hard, taking a deep breath, running his hand over the glove. 

"This is a…" He begins, but chokes off halfway through. He looks at them for a moment with an unreadable expression. "This is a very fine glove. I know this leather. One of my favorite crafters."

Kagami's bursting at the seams. "So you like it?" He asked excitedly. "We didn't want to disappoint you on your birthday." 

"You didn't disappoint." Madara-sensei blinks quickly, chewing on his lower lip. His eyes aren't wet, but he looks like he's about to either shout or cry, and Danzou doesn't know what to make of that. I-- thank you, boys." 

(He doesn't say brats.)

Kagami repeats. "So you like it?"

"I like it." Madara-sensei confirms, and he has a small smile gracing his face. He holds the glove close to him, carefully wrapping it back up in the paper wrapping.

Torifu puffs out his chest, "My ma's making special birthday treats for your! She said to _'drag that prickly Uchiha back here_ ' after practice, if I had to. So you need to come. Danzou brought that woven maiden-whatever rope his clan likes so much and Kagami's has his puppy dog eyes." He put a hand against his flexed muscle. "And I'm the strongest in my whole generation."

Madara-sensei _snorted_ , somehow broken out of whatever trance was caught up in. "Ah, so you think you could make me come with you?"

"Oh." Danzou said easily. "I think we can." 

"Is that a challenge, brat?" Madara-sensei peered down at him with those dark eyes, amused. "And how exactly will you drag me all the way to the Akimichi compound?"

Danzou _smiles_ , "It's either you come with us, or go home where Hashirama-sama is there to surprise you for your birthday." 

Madara-sensei comes with them. 

**_____ **

Kagami comes to his house, _shouting_. 

Torifu follows after, grinning ear to ear. 

"My older cousin Sana takes care of the birds, and she said Madara-sensei was showing off his new glove to _all_ the other falconers." 

Danzou gasps. "He was?"

Kagami nodded eagerly, "Yeah, in that whole _I'm-better-than-you_ way he does. The whole nine yards."

Danzou grins too. 

**_____ **

So, it absolutely does _not_ work. 

In fact, it gets worse. 

Because _it_ comes back. With a passion, It starts to appear to him at night when he wakes up paralyzed and unable to fight back, and it stares down at him with waves of Madara-sensei's chakra pooling through the room in a sickening way. 

It's his teacher's, he can recognize the fiery _hot-windy-sizzling_ chakra anywhere (especially since it's been aimed at him enough), but it was rotten. Decaying, like an apple left out to rot, slowly and surely molding and being to shrink apart into rotten _black_. 

It scares the shit out of him almost every single night. No matter what time he goes to sleep, no matter if he drinks chamomile or jasmine tea, even if he tries meditations or...or...praying before he goes to sleep, the night terror comes back again and again. 

A nightmare he can't shake. A bad case of sleep paralysis. 

Danzou doesn't know what he is going to do, but he can't keep up with waking up in the middle of the night and being half-strangled by an invisible weight on his chest. He's tired constantly, fumbling through kata and unable to miss being _hit_ by stray kunai from Torifu or the end if Madara-sensei's gunbai. 

He's exhausted, sloppy, and lying to all of his friends. This was way easier to ignore when it had stopped happening, but now that it's been going on for a while…

He can't keep it up. Danzou puts on a brave face, shoves his nightmares aside, and determines to do his best. 

That's really his only option.

**_____ **

By the end of the second week of the New Year, Danzou is beyond exhausted. The nightmares won't stop, and every time he dreams, he swears it gets closer and closer to him, leaning over with a body that looks seamless. Like it didn't have any bones, just skin twisted over it. (Like a solidified shadow.)

Hiruzen takes it upon himself to point it out, "Dan, you look like shit." He says very bluntly, but in that also very kind way that makes a person _not_ want to hit him. "Your bags have bags-- like someone punched you so hard that they gave you _two_ black eyes on the same eye."

"Thanks, dumb monkey." Danzou spits back, irritated and exhausted. He wasn't a morning person. Or afternoon person. Or...whatever time it was person. Kagami peeked over at him from beside Hiruzen, moving aside. He grasped him by the arm.

Kagami examined him with sharp, red eyes. As playful as the Uchiha was, he was (unfortunately) fiercely protective and unimaginably observant. "What's going on? Is it your uncle? Is he doing night practices again-- I'll light that bastard on fire. No! No, I'll tell Madara-sensei and he'll--"

Danzou shrugged his hand away, "It isn't Uncle. It's…" He doesn't want to worry either one of them. "I've been having bad dreams lately."

"Oh." Hiruzen said softly. "Oh, I get it. Nightmares are the worst. I get them a lot." 

Kagami nodded, "I dream a lot about that mission with Touka-sensei sometimes." He looks at the ground, drags his feet through the slush of snow and wet dirt. "It's better now."

Danzou hesitates, "How do you guys make them go away?" He doesn't want to seem weak or childish. It sounds silly, asking for bad dream advice. 

"Oh, I go to my mom." Kagami says. 

Hiruzen nods eagerly. "My dad will lay with me when I--" He stops dead, guilt plastered all over his face. "Dan, Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--- I just forgot. I'm sorry." 

Kagami looks down in obvious guilt. 

"Hey, it's okay." Danzou waves them off, even if it stings a little. So he doesn't have a family, it hasn't bothered him in almost thirteen years, why would it bother him now? "It's fine. So what else?"

Hiruzen lights up, "I summon my monkey!" He exclaims loudly. "His name is Enma. He's almost an adult, but that's okay because he gives me the best hugs."

"Ooh. I summon crows. Usually after a nightmare, I'll summon one of the ones that talk. Especially Kuro-kun. He's a sweetie. Mom summons them too."

Danzou bobs his head. "Maybe I should get a summon." 

It sounds like a good idea. It would stave off some of his loneliness on days that Uncle doesn't want him to leave. He'll pick something nice and warm and safe, and he'll have a friend in his summon. Nightmares wouldn't be so bad if he could have a summon there, right?

Hiruzen and Kagami share a _look_. 

"You can't just _get_ a summon." Kagami protests, but he shuts up when Danzou slung his arm around his shoulders. 

"You haven't met my clan." He tells them firmly. 

**_____ **

So he searches through his clan's storage space. The thing about his family is that the Shimura clan make talented, obedient shinobi, but they aren't particularly _skilled_ at one thing. 

In fact, they don't even really have clan techniques that are all their own. They've adopted a few wind style techniques that they use frequently, but even those were adopted into the clan ages ago by the women married in from other clans. So the Shimura are all uniquely talented, and uniquely set in a skill. 

For Danzou, it was his natural skill at Nature Transformation. His father was best at Genjutsu techniques, and so on. Although, it was better for them to be well-rounded in all aspects of shinobi technique. 

Which means that their clan doesn't have a particular summon either. Most of them were taken from other shinobi in battle during the warring period, going back all the way to the stories of the Sage. And when a shinobi died and his children didn't want to sign a contract with their summon, most of the time, it just went into storage. 

Which is why Danzou carries a lantern with him, hanging it in the storage building. There's plenty of reliques in here, old, out-dated sets of armour. Old kimono and yukata, hundreds of scrolls and books about agriculture, politics, and jutsu formula. Plenty of weaponry (albeit some of it was older and some less cared for), clan documents that are outdated but preserved for history's sake, and of course, old summoning contract scrolls. Even in the few years since they moved to this new compound, there's gathered a good amount of dust and grime, and Danzou _sneezed_ loudly. 

He rubbed his red, watery eyes and sniffled. 

It would be worth it when he found a summon. 

So far, he'd found nine different scrolls. They each held different kanji on them. 

Weasels don't look promising. Neither did _birds_ . Was it a specific bird or just _birds_ in general? Or...antelopes? That's a summon. Danzou sighed. Beggars can't be choosers, but he wanted…

He wanted something that could protect him. Something big and terrifying and strong, that would be able to help in battle and in nightmares. 

It sounded sort of childish, but he wanted a bear. A lion. He'd even take a type of monkey like Hiruzen.

He sets aside the scrolls he didn't care for when one caught his eye. It was tattered, old and worn. Yellowing and with a faded red outside. The kanji was painted thinly, and Danzou stared it. 

" _Baku_." He whispered, holding it. "Like...like a dream eater?"

If he was thinking of the right story, he absolutely found the right summon. A baku was supposed to eat dreams and nightmares. Danzou hurriedly unrolled the scroll. There were two other names and handprints. 

_Tsutsui Kame_

_Kanna_

Those were the only two names. 

He thinks it over. Danzou really wants a summon. And a Baku can eat bad dreams. It's _perfect_ . He slashes his upper arm with a kunai, _wincing_ at it. He dips his fingers in the steady flow of blood. 

_Shimura Danzou_

Puts his finger prints and rolls the scroll back. He isn't just going to leave it here, rotting. It's _his_ now. He's going to take care of it. 

**_____ **

"He's cute, isn't he?" Danzou bragged. _Loudly._ To anyone that would listen. Torifu gives him a serene look, nodding. But Hiruzen gives him a wide-eyed stare and a shaky smile. 

"He's...certainly a summon." Hiruzen offers, but Kagami has no such filters. 

"Danzou, my best friend in the whole world." Kagami says so _so_ kindly. "He's ugly."

Danzou gasped, offended, picking up his adorable little summon. He didn't use much chakra summoning him, so he came to the human plane much smaller than he really was. 

Baku gave Kagami an offended stare, scoffing. Turned his head away. He was the cutest thing Danzou had ever seen. A regal orange fur, an elephant's trunk, a rhinoceros' eyes, an ox's tail, and a tiger's paws! The best of _all_ the animals. And little tusks too. 

"They're just hateful, Baku." Danzou apologizes to his summon, glaring at his friends. He patted it's head. "Let's go find you your own headband and let you try dango like I promised." 

Kagami sighed, "I didn't mean it to be mean!" He followed after them. "I want to see it in a headband!"

"His name is _Baku_!"

**_____ **

That night, Danzou summons his little friend. Baku stares up at him, waiting, and Danzou settles a hand on his head. 

"I get a lot of nightmares. You like those, right?"

Baku nods sagely, " _They taste best_ ." He rasps out. " _Don't worry, little master, I'll eat them all_."

Danzou bowed his head. "Thank you, Baku." He said, genuinely. He rubbed at his eyes, head throbbing with a new headache. He sets out a small bedding, an old one of his baby cousin's futons when she was a toddler, and he motions at it for his summon. The creature curled up, and Danzou pushed his futon beside him. 

" _It'll be alright, little human master_ ." Baku says softly, not a summon of many words. Danzou takes his small headband off, sets it beside them. _"I will awake when I sense your dreams and rid you of them. Sleep soundly, little thing."_

"Thank you." Danzou says again, blowing out his lantern. He slips under his warm covers, eyes heavy and he's _so so tired_. One blink. Two blinks. He's warm and safe, and he hears Baku's loud breathing, and...

He's fast asleep. 

**_____ **

Danzou wakes up to _It_ staring down at him. A grin stretches across that black face, and it lowers closer and closer to him. 

So close it could be touching. _It'll be gone soon. I have Baku. I have…_

Danzou manages to turn his head, just a little. Baku sleeps soundly beside him, undisturbed, and shouldn't he be awake by now? Shouldn't he sense this nightmare? 

It smiles down at him, wider and wider, white teeth _gleaming_ and so sharp. Sharp and smiling, black hands stretching towards him, and Danzou can't move. He can't move. He can't move. Can't scream. 

"You." It says slowly. Deep and terrifying. Oh Kami. No. _No. No._ _It's just a dream. Just a dream. Just--_ "You are ruining everything. But I'll find a new purpose for you." 

Black hands reach closer and closer, towards his neck. He can't move. No, no. 

Danzou feels them touch his throat, and he can't even scream for help. This isn't a dream. It isn't a dream or nightmare, and Baku isn't awake and he's alone. 

He's alone and he's going to die. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter isn't going to be from Danzou's pov so buckle up kids


	10. where do we go from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a bunch of drabbles and little ideas for this fic that just will never quite made it into a chapter, so i've been thinking about posting them seperately but idk yet
> 
> if you're confused by this chapter, i'll explain it at the end notes
> 
> (also i probably need to stop writing these chapters at like 3 in the morning but 😂🤷)

* * *

Madara-shishou is _so close_ to losing his temper that Kagami has to take a step back. Tobirama-sensei, at least, has a cool face and doesn't seem to mind that Danzou's running late. 

Madara-shishou takes a glance up at the sky, frowning at the sun as it rose. He crossed his arms and _huffed_ in that special way that meant he was going to chase them with his gunbai or smash a tree to make Shodai-sama cry. But Shodai-sama isn't here, so it'll probably be Danzou that cries. 

When he gets here. 

He's only half an hour late.

Which is _really_ weird, except Danzou was a sort of weird person (because he _liked_ that weird summon thing he had), and he hadn't been sleeping much. Kagami shifts on his feet, buzzing with excitement at getting to work with Hiruzen's team, and looks down the path that Danzou would come down. 

Nothing. 

That's really _really_ weird. 

"Hey, Saru?" Kagami calls over to the other team. Hiruzen looks up, stretches, and jogs over. He smiles at Kagami, bumping their foreheads together, and glances down the trail too. 

Still a whole lot of _nothing_. 

"Think we should tell Sensei about his nightmares?" Hiruzen asks quietly. He glanced at the stoic Tobirama-sensei and tempermental Madara-shishou. "Maybe he finally got a good rest with his little summon, and then he overslept."

That made a whole lot of sense. Kagami nodded eagerly. 

"I'll tell Madara-shishou. You go ask Tobirama-sensei if we can go get him. At least, we can prepare him for his trip around Konoha when our teacher chases him with that heavy fan." Kagami winced in sympathy, rubbing at the back of his head in phantom pain. When Madara-shishou got to swinging that thing, it didn't matter what he hit as long as he _hit_ something. 

It always hurt, but not anymore than when Mom swatted him with her wooden spoon. (And she wielded that with _deadly_ precision.)

They broke apart, each going to their respective sensei. Hiruzen had that goofy smile, where he thought he was being cute, but Kagami? Oh he had his face _mastered_ . Tested and perfected. Madara-shishou couldn't _resist_. 

He bounces over, going all the way up on his toes and down onto his heel. "Madara-shishou."

"Hn?"

Kagami throws out his deadliest weapon. Big black eyes, pouty lip, _happy-kind-sunshine_ chakra, and pinching himself hard to force a little tear to make his eyes glisten. 

"Me and Hiruzen want to go get Danzou. He hasn't been sleeping very well lately, shishou. We think he might have just overslept due to exhaustion. Please, let me go get him." 

Madara-shishou gives him a very _unimpressed_ look, but also doesn't show any resistance. It's hard to resist Kagami. He's got the art of manipulation _down pat_. He's a master. He's the sage, an expert, the best. 

"Make it quick." He demanded. "And tell the brat he's doing laps."

Kagami bowed deeply. 

"Thank you, Shishou!" He chirped, spinning around to face Hiruzen. He gave a thumbs up, and the two took off towards the path down towards the Shimura compound. Hiruzen bumped arms against his, and Kagami bumped him back. 

Hiruzen's laughing the entire way, shifting up to go through the trees. "Tobirama-sensei won't say it, but he's actually _happy_ Danzou's late. He gets more time to argue with Madara-sensei and then make bedroom eyes at him." 

"Bedroom eyes?" Kagami scrunched his nose, faking a gag. "Shut up, that's my shishou. Tell your sensei to keep his hands to himself. I miss when they hated each other."

Hiruzen shrugs, "I _don't._ It was way too many water dragons and fireballs. At least now they only have the occasional shouting match. And usually that's about which team is better." He lands beside Kagami, in front of the Shimura compound. He glances over. "Should we go through the main house and talk to the Shimuras or just--"

Kagami would have listened, but he was too busy climbing through Danzou's open window to really pay attention. He shimmied through, frowning because it was way too cold. Danzou was almost as bad as THE ENTIRE UCHIHA CLAN when it came to winter weather. Mom was getting so irritated with his best friend stealing Kagami's hats that she passive aggressively started putting Shimura clan symbols into them. 

Why'd Danzou leave his window open?

"Okay, princess, rise and--" 

His words died out before he could finish. 

Hiruzen dives in after him, blinking dumbly. There was an empty, unmade futon in the middle of the room. An empty smaller bedding next to it, probably for Baku, and---

Kagami feels his entire body _stop_ doing anything for a whole minute. He freezes, not daring to move a single muscle at all, and he just can't even think about moving a single muscle. This is _not_ happening. 

"We need to go get our teachers." Hiruzen whispers, stumbling backwards. He jumps up in fear when he steps into Danzou's desk, and he holds onto it to steady himself. 

Kagami can't move. He's a statue. An actual statue, like the ones Dad used to collect that were made of fine carved stone. He isn't able to do anything but stare. 

That's a _really_ big puddle of blood in the middle of Danzou's room. 

**_____ **

The Hokage has to tear Madara-shishou _off_ of Shinura Mitsu. 

"How do you _not notice_ your nephew is gone?" He shouts, furious, his Sharingan spinning in his eyes. The Shimura Clan head says _nothing_ , nursing his bruised face, curses silently slipping across his face. 

"Calm _down_ , Dara." Hashirama-sama demands, his face serious and without the usual playfulness. "All that matters right now is that Danzou-kun is gone. We've got the Inuzuka on the way to catch a trail. Tobi's already at the gates interviewing the guards. We're going to handle it." 

Madara-shishou shoves his hand off of him. "Don't tell me to calm down. These _incompetant_ idiots can't even be responsible for watching _one_ of their heirs. What kind of--" 

"Madara-shishou." Kagami interrupts, plastering on a smile so fake it made his mouth taste of plastic. "We're going to find Dan. It'll be okay. Tobirama-sensei is the best sensor in all of the Land of Fire. And the Inuzuka can smell a trail for that's had days to fade."

He watches the man tense up, but he crosses his arms and calms down. Traces the room with his eyes, like his Sharingan might reveal something, a clue to what happened. Kagami _blinks_ , and Tobirama-sensei is back. 

His face is hard. 

"We need to call a meeting with all the clan heads." He said urgently. Those bright red eyes reveal nothing of his emotions, but his lips are pursed and his shoulders are hunched. "For now, I want all of Team Madara at their respective clan houses."

The Hokage steps forward, frowning. "What's happened, Tobi?"

"Our guards reported a heavy mist last night. Like a jutsu. Which sounds eerily familiar to what both our teams experienced on the mission to the Land of Rice Paddies. Which we suspected to be shinobi from Kirigakure." Tobirama-sensei explained, glancing at the two teams of genin (minus Danzou, but Kagami tried to push his sad feelings aside). "It makes me come to the conclusion that...this might be retaliation."

Madara-sensei narrowed his eyes. Hashirama-sama put a hand against his shoulder, holding them both steady, and he took a deep breath. 

"Why against Danzou specifically?" The Hokage questions, moving closer. Kagami strained his ears to listen in. "Wouldn't it be more strategic to retaliate against Konoha as a whole? Or even against Touka?"

Tobirama-sensei nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, but Danzou was the one that initially ruined the mission and got two of the remaining shinobi killed when he charged after them. In the mission report, two shinobi escaped. They would have seen Danzou as the instigator." He glanced down at Kagami and Torifu. 

Hiruzen slipped his hand into Kagami's and they both squeezed. 

"We can't say for certain if this is what happened, and I don't know if this is as far as they'll go if it is, but I recommend we send the genin away. Keeping them together poses a risk. They're safer with their clans while we figure out what's happening--"

"No!" Kagami burst out, furious. Rage bubbled up in his chest and swirled around like a blanket. His fists clenched by his side. "I'm not going to cower and hide when Danzou's been taken! I'm staying and helping figure out what's going on."

"No," Madara-sensei tells him firmly. His eyes have changed, black twisting into circles and lines. Oh. _Oh._ Mom told him about the special Sharingan. "You're going to stay here. I'm going to Kirigakure, and I'm _burning_ it to the ground." 

"Enough." Tobirama-sensei snapped. "You can't just attack a village with no proof of what happened." But he stops when Madara turns on him, glaring and chakra flaring wildly. 

"We have enough evidence to tell me that they did it, and I'm not about to _wait_ while you take your precious time while they _slaughter_ my student!" Madara spits out, enraged. Tobirama-sensei doesn't shrink back, glaring back at him. 

"If we're wrong, we'll start a war. Don't be foolish and bull-headed."

Madara-sensei scoffs, "And if we're right, by the time we go, they'll send us back a _corpse_." He snaps. "Screw your fucking patience, I'm going to get my student and teach them a lesson they aren't ever going to forget." 

"You are being _rash_."

"And you are being heartless." Madara retorts cruelly, temper flaring. "Perhaps I'll take one of _your_ students, and see how you feel--"

The Hokage's voice _booms_. The genin all jumped, and Hiruzen tightens his grip on Kagami. 

" _Enough_ ! Both of you! We don't have time for fighting amongst ourselves." Hashirama _commanded_ , shaking his head. All the softness has melted away from him, and he kept his voice firm. "We'll see if the Inuzuka can find a scent. Madara, you will _wait_ until we know for certain it's Kiri. Tobirama, be more sympathetic. His student is gone, and there's blood."

Tobirama nodded. Madara's back stiffened, but he said nothing else. Looked away. 

Hashirama's strong brown gaze turned to the genin standing around the room, "I want you all to return home. You are forbidden from investigating _or_ leaving the village to go after any kidnappers. Understood?"

Homura and Koharu chime in, "Yes, Hokage-sama." 

But Torifu looks down, suddenly interested in the floor and his shoes. Hiruzen keeps squeezing Kagami's hand, and Kagami _refuses_ to just not do anything. 

Danzou is his best friend and he'll be damned if he doesn't help find him. How was he supposed to just _not_ do anything? Especially with their two sensei beginning to argue and disagree on what to do. Someone needed to make Danzou a priority. 

" _Boys_." Hashirama-sama warns.

"Yes, sir." Torifu grits out. Hiruzen nods his affirmation. But Kagami holds steady. Refuses to acknowledge his orders. Hokage or not, Kagami was going to find his friend and make sure nothing bad ever happened to him again.

Black eyes met brown ones. 

Kagami straightened his back, "He's my best friend."

"You won't be able to help if you're taken too. Go home, Kagami-kun. Or so help me, I'll have my wife bind you with a seal so you'll pass out if you try to leave your house." Hashirama crouches down in front of him, a hand on his shoulder. "I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to bring him home safely. But I can't be worrying about you all too, alright? Promise me you won't interfere. That you'll stay at home safely." 

Kagami doesn't meet his eyes. "I swear." 

"Alright." The Hokage stands up, glancing around the room. "Tobirama, start gathering the council. Madara, you and I will wait for the Inuzuka. The rest of you are dismissed. Go home, and let us handle this."

Homura and Koharu take off first, but Kagami hangs back, standing against a tree as he waits for Torifu to trudge out of the Shimura compound. The boy's head was hanging low, and Kagami felt rhe same sick feeling at knowing that Danzou was hurt or...or…

No, Kagami wouldn't think of it. That was his _best friend_. He would know if he was dead. 

Hiruzen looks at him with wide, teary eyes. 

"We aren't going to just _not do something_ , right?" Hiruzen says quietly. "Madara-sensei wants to dive in and fight, and Tobirama-sensei is being way too cautious. We need someone that'll look for Dan! We'll have to do it."

Kagami chews his lip, "We can't disobey direct orders. We'll have to go home, but…"

An idea hits him. _Hard._

"We don't have to go home right away. I know somebody who'll find Danzou." 

Torifu meets his eyes knowingly.

Offers the two a weak smile. 

**_____ **

Touka-sensei blinks at them with a strange expression. 

"Kagami? What're you doing here?"

Her dark hair is down around her shoulders. She's wearing a plain dark-brown hakama, and she squints at them in confusion. It's been awhile since Kagami's seen her, but she looks _so much better._ Kagami almost feels bad for ruining her nice, relaxed day. 

"Touka-sensei!" Hiruzen bursts out, panting for breath. They'd all run to the Senju compound as fast as they could manage. Torifu's huffing and puffing behind them. 

Touka-sensei looks over their expressions, and her face hardens immediately. She begins pulling up her hair, already getting out a hair tie from her sleeve. 

"What the _hell_ happened?" She demands. 

So the three scared genin tell her _everything_. 

**_____ **

"It's bullshit." Touka spits out. "They're lying. We have the proof it was them. The mist jutsu from the Land of Mist has the ability to hide chakra signatures _and_ scents. No wonder the dogs couldn't figure it out. We have a cause.

Tobirama shakes his head, "Kiri replied to our inquisition. They made it very clear. They're not claiming responsibility for it." His voice isn't particularly warm. It's analyzing. _Calculating_ . It does very _very_ little to ease any of the adults' minds. 

Madara _scoffed_ . "Why would they? Cowards. They want to take one of _our_ genin, but not participate in the war that follows." He was tense, on edge, already decked out in his armor. He looked five seconds away from exploding out the door and decimating Kirigakure. 

But he waited. Gloved hands clenched into fists. 

"We're in a delicate position." Tobirama explains, though he's most focused on the gathered clan heads than the others. "Kirigakure made it clear that didn't do it, but are willing to go to war if we slander their name. Which means it's up to chance as to whether they're truly responsible or not." 

The Hyūga head frowned deeply, "It's evident there is cause for _why_ they'd have taken the boy, but to start a war…" He hesitated for a long moment before continuing. "We agreed to this long lasting treaty to become a clan of Konoha under the agreement and hope for peace. If Kiri _did_ take and execute the boy, then they've had their vengeance. We must think of the greater good. One boy's life against an entire _war_? Dozens more dead."

Madara looked ready to _shout_ and spit fire, but the Nara Clan Head interrupted whatever rage he was about to voice. 

"Are you implying we should let the blood of a _child_ cement our new peace? To avoid war we should let them kill a twelve year old boy?" Nara Shikako asked venemously. "Our village was formed to protect our children, but now you say that if we must sacrifice them to save ourselves, that's justifiable?"

The Yamanka Clan Head nodded in agreement. 

Shimura Mitsu spoke up, though he truly had no room to. Touka felt a irkling of companionship with Uchiha Madara at the bruises littering the man, vicious _victory_ at the split lip. She'd never been fond of him before and less so _now_. 

"It's a matter of the greater good." Shimura said slowly, incling his head towards the Hyūga. He folded his hands. "If only to protect the village, we're willing to accept the loss of my only nephew. He was a loyal boy, and I know he would prefer to sacrifice himself for his village--"

Touka _sees_ red, "He'd prefer to live, you bastard!" She snarls at him, almost going across the long table to get at him. Hashirama's strong hands hold her away from him and in place. 

The Aburame Head hummed softly, "It's a small price to pay, isn't it? Just one genin. We have hundreds more children to replace him--"

"He's just a boy!" The Akimichi Clan Head argued back. But the Hyūga glared.

"Then you fight Kirigakure, but if war is declared, I won't send Hyūga off to die for one Shimura." 

Sarutobi Sasuke glared at all of them, shaking his head. He'd known the Shimura boy since his own son was a toddler, letting them meet during a clan alliance meeting. 

"It sends a message." He explains wisely. "We're weak-willed. If you hold a grudge against one of our own, we'll let you get away with it so long as you don't declare war. It was a bold move, infiltrating our village."

"Oh, even the Shimura don't want him, why should--"

"Enough!" Tobirama slammed his hands down against the table so hard it _shook_ all the way down. Thin waves of angry chakra enveloped him, and he silently _sneered_ at the whole congregation. "We will not go to war, but we _will_ retrieve Danzou. He is just a child, one of _our_ children. Regardless of clan, he is a child of Konoha. He's loyal and driven, and we will do _anything_ to bring him back. I won't hear another word about sacrificing a little boy. That isn't what this village was founded over." 

"And how exactly will we avoid war _and_ get the boy back?" The Inuzuka Head shouts. 

And with that, the room erupted into chaos. 

**_____ **

"This is _stupid_ !" Hiruzen shouts for the fifth time. Though he wasn't supposed to be _here_ , at Kagami's house, when he was supposed to be at his clan house, but then again it wasn't like his dad was there. "We should be chasing them. There's only one direct route to Kiri. We could catch up!"

Kagami was frowning, slumped against his bed frame, stabbing his kunai into the old practice dummy his father had made him years and years ago. 

"It isn't fair. He saved Touka-sensei so they decided to kill him?"

Hiruzen whirled around, frowning. "He isn't dead." The Sarutobi boy told him seriously. And Kagami nodded. 

"Of course not. I'd know if he was dead. But they want to kill him. And that isn't okay. That's my best friend and my future husband. He can't just _die_. I have our whole futures planned out." Kagami clenched his fists at the thought. There was no way that Madara-sensei would let them get far enough to kill Danzou, especially not with Touka-sensei helping.

Hiruzen gave him a wide-eyed stare. "Future husband?" He repeated, and the severity and fear of the moment breaks apart. If only briefly. "You can't marry Danzou. That's crazy."

Kagami _huffed_ , "Why not?" He demanded, going so far as to turn on his Sharingan, the familiar chakra flaring into his eyes. "He's my best friend, in the whole world."

"I'm going to marry him, don't be stupid." Hiruzen shrugged his shoulders, leaning back against the practice dummy. Kagami's careful not to stab him. "I'll fight you for him, if you want. I'm always ready to fight."

Kagami rolled his eyes, "I'm an _Uchiha_ ." He stressed. "We don't lose to _monkeys_." He shifted his knees to his chest, and pressed his chin down. "But none of this gets to happen if he...you know… there was blood."

"We don't know it was Danzou's blood." Hiruzen says softly, and the joking atmosphere is _gone_. He jumps up, landing on the bed beside Kagami, offering a smile. "He probably fought back. You know him, he's stubborn! No way did he just let them take him. And Tobirama-sensei won't admit it, but he has a soft spot for kids. He won't...won't let anything happen to Dan." 

"Yeah…" Kagami murmurs. "Yeah, Danzou's strong. And he has to survive, even if just to let us fight over him. And so I can kick his ass when he takes the last dango from my favorite cart." His face brightens up, and he smiles sweetly. 

"Although, either way..." Kagami continues, _smiling_ cheerfully. "When I get my hands on whoever took my best friend, I'm going to _rip them to shreds_ and burn the pieces! Not even the Pure Land is going to know what to do with what's left of them."

**_____ **

When the arguments reached an unbearable level and nothing productive was being achieved, Hashirama dismissed everyone and took his friend, cousin, and brother aside. 

"We need to make a decision." He tells them slowly, massaging his temples. Hashirama looks up at them with an _exhausted_ , pained expression. Guilt. 

It was guilt. 

Madara _glowered_ at his friend. "You think we should just let this go?" He snapped, shaking his head. "Just leave him to die?"

"No!" Hashirama exclaimed, but he didn't quite meet his friend's eyes. "But we can't just declare war if there is _any doubt_ that Danzou-kun has been taken by Kirigakure."

"We need more proof. All we have now is theory over motive and a night mist." Touka settles down in a chair, wringing her hands. She shakes her head again and again, unable to find any way to resolve the situation. "We're stuck between a rock and a hard place." 

But Tobirama? He's silent. His lips are pressed thin, and he's not quite there. Like he's retreated into himself. He blinks slowly, and he shifts his gaze from the window of Hashirama's office to the three staring at him. 

"I think," Tobirama tells them slowly. "I think we have the wrong idea about what happened _entirely_." 

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?" Madara demands. 

Tobirama frowns deeply, looking as if he's aged _years and years_ from the last few hours. "I don't believe Kirigakure took Danzou. Now that I've thought more about it, it makes no sense for them to have done so." He told them all. "As of right now, Kirigakure can't stand to attack us. They don't have a large enough population, their economy isn't strong enough yet. They aren't as developed as us. They could afford to attack our genin, Team Touka, but they lost several shinobi in the process. They aren't particularly strong, they're too new. They had to have though we would retaliate if they went after our own." 

Hashirama nodded slowly, "That makes sense, but if it wasn't them, then who would attack us? We've never had issues with the other countries besides competition over clients for missions. And only Kiri has attacked us over it. And what about the Mist Jutsu used last night, otouto?" He questioned. His eyebrows furrowed, and even Touka seemed lost as to the younger Senju's thinking. 

"What if...we're meant to be fighting?" Tobirama ponders. 

"Fighting?" Madara repeats. "What are you talking about?"

"If we think back, what exactly has been the resolve to our conflicts recently? The tension between Madara and the village? Between Madara and myself? Even between the genin?" 

Hashirama gasped softly, " _Danzou_. His intervention was what forced you and Madara to resolve your issues with each other. And by default, with all the problems resolved, the tension in the village eased too." 

Madara drummed his fingers against the Hokage's desk."But that doesn't explain why Danzou would have been targeted. Because he helped us talk out our problems?" But his eyes were narrowed and he was thoughtful, frowning. 

"Exactly why he was targeted. With him taken, we've turned back on our progress. You and I have been beginning to fight again. The village is devolving back into feuding clans, and we're borderline at war with Kirigakure." 

"Oh." Touka said in realization. "So whoever took Danzou wants _us_ to be fighting. With each other, with the other villages, just in chaos."

"So the real question is who would want us to be fighting." Madara sighed. "And _what_ they're going to do with my student." 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Zetsu (my absolute worst enemy) is cunning and underestimatedly smart. So if anyone's a little confused, when Danzou originally began to sway Madara away from leaving, he began to see Danzou as a threat. 
> 
> so by framing Kiri, he's trying to begin unrest between Konoha and the other hidden villages, and unrest in Konoha itself, forcing everyone into fighting. 
> 
> He's a smartie, but I hate him 🤷


	11. regroup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not my favorite chapter by far, and I thought about rewriting but it is what it is. but I'm super stoked about tomorrow's chapter so buckle up kids, it's gonna be wild
> 
> also i'm way behind on the naruto fandom and getting into the anime and all, but from what I've determined so far into my viewing is that B!Zetsu is a pos and everyone in the show needs a hug i swear

* * *

Hashirama puts a hand against his brother's shoulder, squeezing tightly. 

"Should I guess or do you just want to tell me?" He asks, leaning close to his brother's ear. "You know I'm _terrribllee_ at guessing, otouto." Hashirama's eyes flickered up, toward the closed door that his best friend and cousin had just left. 

Tobirama gives him a blank stare, "I don't know what you're talking about, Anija." But his arms cross, his shoulders tense, and Hashirama has been his big brother for far too long to not notice when his otouto is hiding something. He pats his brother's shoulder, doesn't move his hand away from his brother. 

"Tobi. You're brilliant. More than brilliant, the smartest of our entire generation. That mind doesn't _stop_ , but that's the issue isn't it? It doesn't stop, and you don't ever want to take a second to _pause_ and share what's happening in your head." Hashirama sighs softly, offering a tired smile to his only brother. If Tobirama leans more into his touch, neither say a word about it. 

The white-haired man frowns deeply. 

"I...had an idea, which stemmed from another idea, which formed the conclusion that perhaps Kiri wasn't involved."

Hashirama nodded along, " _Mhmm_?"

"I...just a few months ago, I felt a very _presence_ in Madara's chakra, which added to my wariness of him. Which sounds unreasonable _now_ , but at the time, given our history, it felt wise to avoid him."

"A presence?" Hashirama repeats slowly. He moves them towards the small ottoman Mito had specifically requested for her visits, and they sink down together. It was necessary, Hashirams determined because he was beyond exhausted by the council, the fighting, and the new fears creeping down into his bones. _A place to protect children, but a few years into it and I've already lost one of the kids_. The Village somehow didn't feel so new or shiny or exciting, it felt worn. Familiar in the worst ways, like a moment of miserable sentimentality from his childhood. 

His brother doesn't lower his eyes, not like he did when they were children and felt his explanations were too long and boring for anyone to bother to listen. Hashirama had been easily unamused then and had craved constant entertainment. It had taken a few months to learn to be attentive and interested in what interested his brother. 

Instead, Tobi looks just as mentally and emotionally worn down (like water eroding stone again and again, no breaks) as Hashirama felt. He let out a soft breath, calm and collected despite it all. He kept his shiny red eyes firm in his brother's gaze. 

"It was a decomposing feeling, like the deteriorating chakra inside of a recently deceased shinobi, strong and constantly fading, rotting away. But full of ill intentions. Negative. _Angry_ ." Tobirama snapped his mouth shut, pressing his lips into a straight line. He looked ultimately frustrated, like he couldn't formulate the exact thing he wished to say. He often had that problem, but Hashirama hummed and gave him time. "And at the time, it felt so natural to Madara, or so _attached_ . So _parasitic_ , I assumed it was connected to his emotional distress at Izuna's loss. Emotions can _attach_ to chakra sometimes. It gets hazy."

"But now you've come to the conclusion that it isn't? Or that it's somehow involved in Danzou-kun's disappearance." 

"It faded away, after Danzou began spending time with Madara. I never quite saw the connection, or perhaps didn't think to compare the two as more than coincidence. However, I always felt an..inkling of it again, on the boy. So faint that I assumed it was an envelope of chakra off his teacher that could have formed from the time spent with Madara, but if it was completely gone from him, there wouldn't be traces of it on the boy-- damnit, I should've noticed it sooner. Drawn more conclusions." 

"It wouldn't have made any more sense _then_ than it does now, Tobi."

He let out another frustrated noise, "It didn't make sense that it would be on the boy. But it also didn't make sense that a nation would kidnap a boy. But to weaken _us_ , to cause commotion…" 

Hashirama _nodded_ , "I understand. It led you to the earlier thought pattern than someone was after Danzou to disrupt us into chaos. If he managed to prevent Madara's descent into... _negativity_ , then perhaps the feeling itself was parasitic. It wasn't entirely Madara's own feelings. An outside influence. Who better to cause disruption than a grieving man with so much influence and strength?" He realized slowly, not as bright as his brother with his mind boggling realizations and reactive analysis, but he wasn't an idiot, not by far. 

"That doesn't explain who _that_ would benefit to cause that chaos or why they would go after Danzou. There are more opportunities for internal conflict than just Madara."

"Not with his prowess. He and I are equals. No one else has that kind of strength. No one else would stand a chance against me." Hashirama points out softly. "If you truly think that something was influencing him, could this be a focal point? Killing off his students? Perhaps it isn't just Danzou at risk." 

"This is all speculative." Tobirama replies, rubbing his temples. (And doesn't his ingenious little brother just hate not being a hundred percent sure of something.) "All guessing and grasping at straws, but if I truly had to rely _only_ on a guessing game, I would place my bet on that negative chakra as the culprit behind this. But I can't say that in front of those two. Blame would be put onto Madara, and Touka would feel it was a lead. To give them _hope_ would be…cruel."

Hashirama leaned his body into his brother's and just sat there for a long moment. He wraps an arm around his brother's shoulders and kisses the top of his head fondly like when they were children. 

"I have an idea." He says quietly, thoughtful in ways that would have Tobirama proud if it were about his much neglected petitions and paperwork. "So I need you to be in charge of things in the council for a little while, Tobi. Just an hour or so." 

His baby brother's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

**_____ **

Torifu huffed, grasping onto the edge of Kagami's window, pulling himself inside. He shouldn't have been surprised to find Hiruzen there, but he sort of was. He rolls inside, landing silently down on the floor. 

"Crap." He said quietly, trying not to alert Kagami's mother to their presence. (She probably already knows.) "This is _crap._ Why aren't we _doing anything_?" 

Kagami chews on his lower lip, a bad habit that he shared with Danzou. Torifu smacked him until he let go of his lip. Kagami scooted away licking at the thin, shallow teeth wounds. 

"They have to know something by now." Kagami reasoned, glancing out the window like a messenger would appear. But nope. A resounding nothing. "Either way, we should be...be getting ready. We should be preparing for a mission. We should be going after him!" 

Hiruzen glanced at them both tiredly. "They wouldn't send us out anyway. We're genin. Maybe they've sent out our teachers. Touka-sensei and Tobi-sensei and Madara-sama." But he doesn't sound very convincing, at all. Which isn't comforting Torifu even a little bit because out of all of them, Hiruzen was the most optimistic. 

(Everyone always assumed it was Kagami. It was _never_ Kagami. He always hoped for the best, but over-prepared for the worst, and generally he was far more willing to accept negatives before positives.)

"What if he's…?"

"Shut up, Torifu." Kagami _hissed_ , jumping up. Fists clenched at his sides, but now his eyes are big and watery and

and if Danzou were here right now, he would threaten to suck the air right out of Torifu's lungs and suffocate him for making Kagami cry. But he isn't here, although Torifu feels just as light-headed and afraid as he would be if Danzou were stealing his air with those fancy wind style jutsu. 

"I would know if he were dead. I would _feel_ it." Kagami insisted, probably _again_ because of the face that Hiruzen is making. A mixture between exhaustion and annoyance, and he rolls his eyes slightly. Still, the other boy nods shakily and waves Kagami back down beside him on the floor. 

"He'll get found." Hiruzen assures them both. "I bet they're sending out a squad of jonin. An elite unit designed to get our friend back."

"Exactly." 

**_____ **

"Takigakure." Madara repeats. "The trees told you he was in Takigakure." 

Which, after hearing Hashirama's explaination of the technique he used to find the chakra of his student, made him equally impressed and frightened by his friend. To be able to use the roots connecting trees, agriculture, all plants, to be able to trace those as a means of sensory, as a means of _tracking_ , was far beyond anything that Madara could have conceived as an idea. It was far beyond anything Madara could ever dream of being able to do himself, and once again he was both infuriated and amazed by Hashirama. It was brilliant, though Hashirama probably didn't think of it for that intended purpose. 

"Not exactly Taki. It's hard to…" Hashirama's face twisted into exhaustion, having stretched his own chakra _out_ , into the ground, the flora, wasn't something even his old friend could do lightly. It had been stretched out like a rubber band, as far as it took to find a trace of Danzou's chakra in the plants. "Hard to use _exact_ location. It's just reaching out blindly in the dark. It's difficult to pinpoint how far exactly I find something. But from what I can tell, it should be about here."

He motioned at the ink blotch on the map. It wasn't exactly Takigakure or The Land of Rice Paddies, just a unclaimed mountainous region that wasn't used for anything as far as Madara could remember. He couldn't think of any major clans in the area, or any connections from the newly formed villages to the land there. 

Tobirama frowned down at the piece of paper, his finger brushing over the map and the space that Hashirama had marked. "Are you _sure_ , Anija?" He asked quietly. His eyes are narrowed in that way he so often did when he was staring down at a particularly difficult or frustrating seal formula or paperwork. He was _thinking_ much too hard. "That land isn't a viable option for any major villages to operate out of. It's too mountainous for proper agriculture, and that land has too much dense forestry so it isn't used for mining. There's nothing there."

Hashirama nods. He looks light-headed from chakra exhaustion, swaying on his feet, and Madara moves closer. He grabs onto his friend, guiding him into sitting down in the thin layer of snow, away from the barren tree he had used as base for his sensing.

"That's as close of an estimate as I can make." Hashirama replied. Madara patted his shoulder, keeping it there to steady him. "As far as I can tell, there was traces of Danzou-kun's chakra going across the land there. I felt it through the grass. Along with something _else_ . It didn't feel. It felt organic, almost, but vile too. It was overwhelmingly _evil_."

Madara glanced between the two Senju. "Organic? Like a plant?"

"Almost. _Almost_. Not a plant, but not...not human." Hashirama doesn't elaborate. But Madara doesn't blame him. It was difficult, he imagined, to have to send chakra across that much area, across countries, had to be exhausting even for Hashirama. He squeezed his friend's shoulder again, wanting to comfort him, but everything felt far too overwhelming at the moment. 

Madara _wanted_ to do what he was best at, he wanted to protect and _destroy_ . He would've burned down all of Kirigakure for his student if it had been them, would've laid waste to a nation until he brought back the boy, or at least his corpse. The enemy had been clear, _certain_. It had been a foreign village, a grudge from a mission that had gone astray. It had been like that years ago, for Madara, when his biggest enemy had been the Senju clan, when he could focus singularly on what was ahead of him. It had easy, then, to compartmentalize. The enemy ahead of him. His brother beside him. 

There isn't a clear enemy here. There isn't a brother at his side anymore, just three students behind him that depended on him for guidance and safety. And how well had that gone? One of the three _children_ assigned to him was missing. (The one that Madara was fondest of. The one that prefered BBQ over udon, the one that didn't mind learning from the man that was less than reputable before he was redeemed, the one that somehow wrangled Madara back into a _life_. A child who had absolutely no business trying to fix everything when it should have been the adults doing the fixing.. His favorite.)

He's lost his student. And somehow _somehow_ it was also his fault. A side effect of something wretched and evil attached to his chakra, something wrong and cruel, something Madara didn't even realize was affecting him. 

Although, he did realize, didn't he? The dark thoughts, the _anger and hatred_ boiling inside his chest whenever the numbness faded, the headaches and the tablet. He should've realized something was wrong. Grief and hatred should've been easily differentiated between, right? It should've been obvious, the anger he was holding close to his chest because it was a toxic anger. Toxic, unending, enough to send him spiralling _down_. Enough to have made him think about

_about_ leaving his home. Madara should've realized sooner. But he didn't, did he? And his student was suffering for it. And wasn't Madara _good_ at that, passing the pain off on someone else he was supposed to love and protect? At making all the wrong decisions, refusing peace, refusing Hashirama's extended hand and healing capabilities, letting Izuna die a slow, agonized death by infection? 

"We need to mobilize quickly." Tobirama determines, scribbling something down on a scroll he was carrying, landing on his knees. He spread it across the cold ground, frowning, and then looked over at the map again. "The issue is everything we aren't aware of. We have a faceless enemy, tensions beginning with Kiri over our false accusation, and no units made specifically for this purpose." He begins writing again, muttering to himself. "After this, we'll need to begin plans for a Search-and-Rescue division."

"Who do we have that we can send? We've got three different chunin and jonin squads off on missions for the Daimyo." Hashirama pressed his face into his hands, groaning loudly. But he hadn't gone into an over-emotional bout of false depression yet, or hysterics, so his head was still on right. Good, Madara couldn't _handle_ Hashirama right now. 

(He can't handle himself either. What kind of lousy teacher _loses_ their student--)

"We have jonin that could potentially go, but I don't know if we can manage to send them off. They all have duties _here_ , and with Kirigakure offended by our inquiries about a missing shinobi, weakening our defenses isn't ideal." 

Hashirama's face hardens. He drops his face right back into his hands. 

Madara shoves aside his feelings of panic at the tightness in his carefree friend's shoulders.

"We don't know how many potential hostiles will be there, we don't know _what's there_. We need more than two people, and I can't leave." Hashirama mumbles past his hands. "I can send you both. I know Madara's going to go whether I send him or not. But that's not enough man power, it's not safe enough. I can send the genin squads."

"No." Madara argues _immediately._ "No, we've already lost one genin. We can't risk the others."

(He couldn't take it if he lost anymore of his squad. One was enough. If all three were killed, he would-- would _shatter_. Finally take his blade to his belly and rid the world of his failures.)

Tobirama nods his agreement. "We aren't sending rookies out into the field when we don't know who or _what_ we're facing. Absolutely not."

"Who else do we have? I can send you both and Touka, but what if you're outnumbered? What if you three need to fight and have nobody to retrieve Danzou? At the very least, the genin can come back to the village and alert us to send reinforcements. Or bring Danzou back while you're engaged in battle." Hashirama is making far too much sense, a lot more than Madara wants to admit. Tobirama _glares_ , not exactly at his brother, but in general. Over the past few weeks, there isn't much that the two of them have agreed on, but they've always agreed to try and protect their students. 

And they both hate when Hashirama makes too much sense. 

"You've trained your teams. I've watched them. They're prepared. I don't _want_ to send them out. They're too young, but I--" Hashirama chokes on his last few words. He looks at them with wide, tired eyes, and he rubs his forehead. Looks sick to his stomach and aged far beyond his years. "I'm out of options. We need to do this fast, but not leave our village unprotected." 

"So we have to send out the genin." Madara repeats slowly. 

Tobirama lets out a bitter laugh, "If they found out we were leaving, they would've followed us anyway." 

**_____ **

Neither Madara or Tobirama are very surprised to find out their students very blatantly disregarded their orders to stay at their _seperate_ homes. 

Madara would've been disappointed and surprised if his two students _hadn't_ gathered together. 

He gives all three boys their orders, greets Kagami's mother, and goes to ready himself to meet them by the gates.

**_____ **

Kagami gathers his own things first. Makes sure he has enough shuriken and kunai, grabs a medical pouch, two sealing scrolls full of supplies that his mother gets ready ahead of time. 

Saru gets two scrolls too. His mother lets him borrow her weapons and her own medical pouch so he doesn't have to waste time going home. Hiruzen's too shaky to leave to get his own supplies for such a short notice mission. He's putting on some of Kagami's socks under his sandals, for the snow, and he looks so _tired_ and grim. 

Torifu is waiting for them outside. He had gone home to get his things, as the Akimichi clan was close to the Uchiha district. 

So he hurries. He ties his headband across his forehead with as much pride as when he donned his family crest on the back of his shirts. (He tucks the headband he took from Danzou's house into his pouch. He'll give it to him later.) His mom gives him a kiss against his forehead as he leaves. 

"You'll give him this, won't you?" She asks quietly, ruffling his hair again. For the fifth time. Mom doesn't _like_ when he leaves on missions, and she'll do everything in her power to make him late, to delay his leaving. But not today, she isn't pulling out all the stops today. Her mouth is pressed together tightly, like she's holding back tears or a scream. 

Mom liked Danzou, even if he frustrated her sometimes. 

"Give him what?"

Mom settles a scarf around Kagami's shoulders, against his light chest armour, tucking it in around the leather straps. It has the Uchiha clan symbol stitched into it, and it's a dark purple, and it's absolutely Danzou's favorite one to steal from Kagami, except Kagami always gets it back. Because it's Mom's favorite one too. She worked the hardest on this one with some new kind of knitting. 

"It's colder up North than it is here. He'll be cold when you find him." 

It's Mom's special, assassin code or whatever. Where she never exactly says what she really means. What she's really saying. 

_The mission's going to be a success. You'll bring him back alive. Don't worry, I believe in you._

"I have to go now, Mom." 

"I know, Kaga."

"I'll see you when you get back." 

_You_ _will_ _be coming back._

**_____ **

Tobirama-sensei puts them into a strict formation. Madara-sensei takes lead, flanked by Homura, Kagami, and Tobirama-sensei. They're going directly towards the mountains, taking the trees as their main passage. It's the fastest route, and they need that quickness.

Hiruzen, Koharu, and Torifu are going with Touka-sensei. It isn't readily explained why they're separating them or which way they're going because they're on a time restraint. Nobody wants to say it, but Kagami isn't stupid. He knows if they waste too much time, Danzou could be potentially killed. 

(Nobody wants to say that he might already be dead. But Kagami saw Madara-sensei tucking a little red scroll into his pouch as they were gathering. Little red scrolls are for bringing home bodies.)

"When we regroup, you _both_ stay behind me." Touka-sensei tells Kagami and Torifu in a low voice. She glances at her own team as they prepare to depart, heading farther east instead of straight up north, most likely going around to approach from a different angle. It wasn't wise to send everyone in the same direction, Kagami remembered from a lesson in tactics at the Academy. You lost the element of surprise and risked one ambush destroying your team. 

"Yes, ma'am." Torifu answers. He seems just as surprised as Touka-sensei at his sudden obedience. 

"And if I tell you to run-- _Kagami_ ." Touka-sensei's eyes meet his. She's afraid, Kagami can always tell when she's afraid. She gets a jittery voice and shaky eyes that never stay in the same spot when they stare at his eyes."If I tell you to run, to _leave_ , you're going to run like the Shinigami is at your heels. You all were brave the last time, Uchiha, and so was Danzou, but I don't want bravery this time. I want you alive. Do _you understand me_?"

The words taste like ash on his tongue, "Yes, Sensei." 

He's lying. Because Kagami is so much more brave than almost a year ago when he graduated The Academy. He isn't afraid and he isn't willing to leave somebody behind, not Danzou, not his teachers, not even Koharu (and he really doesn't care for Koharu). He was taught by Touka _and_ Madara-shishou. He's going to fight. 

And he's going to die a shinobi. 

Touka-sensei must know he's lying by now, but the smile she offers is tight and knowing. 

"Good." She nods firmly at Madara-shishou and Tobirama-sensei. "Let's get moving then." 

**_____ **

Evening falls quickly. But they don't stop as the night sky darkens into a chilling black, with the heavy clouds covering the stars so only the moon remains. It's ominous, terrifying, and the moon is _so so_ big tonight. Like it was staring down at them, watching them close. They're nearly there, only a handful number of miles away if Kagami is right about their geography, but he isn't too sure. So far they haven't encountered anything. They're too far North for any of the rogue clans to bother them for trespassing into their territories. No acrivity from foreign villages, or even whoever took Danzou. Not even a single trace of anything, not even any wild life because even they are aware enough of the bitter cold to wisely stay nestled somewhere _safe_ and warm. 

But Kagami doesn't mind the cold at all. He's always had a one track mind, fixating on one task at a time when it came down to it _seriously_ . And nothing was more serious than finding Danzou. _Nothing._

He goes branch to branch, forcing his chakra to circulate through his limbs like Madara-shishou taught him to-- it was easier for an Uchiha to stay warm that way with their affinity for fire. It took some concentration and effort, but it was working because he wasn't shaking nearly as much as Homura. Glasses was trembling through his layers, unable to wear a thick coat because of his armor, and he didn't seem to have been taught about survival measures nearly as well as Kagami was by Madara-sensei. 

Tobirama-sensei raises a hand. Clenched it into a fist and let it go just as quickly. 

A signal. 

Everyone stops immediately. They dropped down to the forest floor, landing silently in the snow that was slick with ice, crunchy and frozen and so slipper. It took effort, but Kagami was as quiet as he could be. Slipped his hand into his pouch to ready a kunai. 

"There isn't anyone nearby." Tobirama-sensei says quietly. The stillness of the night breaks, the moonlight gleaming down and bouncing off their armor. Homura lets out a soft sigh, putting away his scrolls. "We're safe to speak." 

Madara-shishou frowns deeply, "We're wasting time. If there isn't anyone nearby, why're we slowing down?" But he has his guard up, and his gunbai handle seems so much closer to his hand now. It isn't that he doesn't trust Tobirama-sensei, but Madara-shishou always double checks everything and never fully relaxes. Except on some occassions like when Torifu guilts him into taking the team out for lunch. (Kagami vows mentally to make more time with Madara-sensei when they get Danzou back. They both smile more around each other.)

Tobirama blinks, glancing through the darkness of the forest, up towards the dark outlines of the mountains _so close_. He points there, at the one in the middle. It's blacker than the night's sky. 

"I'm close enough to expand my chakra sensing across the mountain range."

Madara-shishou offers a tight smile, "Is my student there?"

"I…"

" _Tobirama_."

Their white-haired sensei closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose. Shakes his head twice. 

"We're walking into a trap." He tells the squad slowly. "Because I can sense Danzou."

Homura blinked in confusion, "That's a good thing, isn't it, Sensei?" He asked, his eyes locking with Kagami's. Which, if Kagami could see himself, all that would be in his eyes was relief. _So much relief_. Danzou's alive. He's alive and they aren't too late. They can save him!

Tobirama-sensei doesn't meet their eyes, not even Madara-shishou's. He grimaced instead. 

"His chakra is relaxed, unafraid. Still. Like he's _waiting_ for us. Something isn't right. It's _him_ , but…it isn't right. _It_ isn't right." 

And Kagami doesn't really know what to make of that. 

But suddenly, he doesn't feel nearly as confident so he tucks his scarf closer to his neck and waits for their orders. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing tobirama and madara is the absolute bane of my existence, i'm trying soo hard not to make them ooc
> 
> (also i love hashirama)


	12. can we end this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate writing fights but I DO love writing Danzou so it's fine
> 
> :^)

* * *

" _They're here."_ It says, delighted. 

But Danzou can't react to that. He can't react to any of what was happening around him. His body is made of lead. No, _not_ of lead, but instead the heavy metal used by blacksmiths to forge armour. He's stiff, held taut by _something_ , by a force he couldn't fight off. It's hard to breath. He can't _breathe_ , and It chuckles through his vocal cords, laughs deep and heavy and _terrifying_. 

His body won't move with It on him. And it's _on_ him, like ink against the skin, slithering up and across his flesh, like hot wax seering against his skin and bones. It's thick and inky and _on him so tightly his chest aches and hurts and please--_

It laughs, vibrating through his body as it does. Takes a step forward using _Danzou's body_ , so fluid it was like his legs belonged to it instead of him. 

"Sensei!" The voice calls out, not It's voice, but _his_. Danzou's voice. "I'm here!"

And then they land in front of him. It's dawn now, the light shining down from the white sky. But Madara-sensei is staring at him with black eyes. Scared black eyes. 

_Oh no, no, no if Madara-sensei is scared, I'm going to die. I'm going to-- I don't want to. Don't want to die._

"What the _hell_ is that on him?" Madara-sensei asks. But doesn't move any closer to him. His arm reaches out, keeps Kagami and Homura behind him, away from Danzou. _Good_. Good, because Danzou can't use his body, and he knows the It can use his body and he doesn't know what It's going to do with it, but he's afraid. 

"It's evil." Tobirama-sensei breathes out, his eyes wide and thoughtless. He isn't analyzing. He's just staring. 

Danzou's would be crying if he could. But he can't. He can't do anything except go forward, closer and closer, and the _thing_ on him is tugging at him. Tugging at his mind and his head, and it makes him feel sluggish and tired. Like he was falling asleep, but fighting against it. 

"I'm not evil." Danzou says with words that aren't his and movements that aren't his, and heart beating so loudly in his ears that he can't think straight. Sluggish and slow and tired and _done_. "Sensei, what's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"

But his hand is moving. Moving towards the wakizashi at his side, which isn't his and he doesn't know how to use it, because Madara-sensei preferred them to practice with their kunai or tantō, but he grips the hilt. He can feel his own hands against the hilt, but he can't make his fingers _stop_ or let go. He can't make this stop. Burning, waxy black against his skin. It's thick and heavy and it isn't coming off. It's got him. 

"I'm going to give you _one_ chance to get the hell off my student before I tear you to pieces." Madara-sensei warns, stepping closer. He has a kunai in his hand, but he's holding it wrong. The blunt end, the round is pointed at Danzou, but the sharp part is _pointed_ away. That isn't good. Danzou wants to shout and scream, beg him to use the knife and hack away at this thing, to _get it off_. But his lips refuse to cooperate. 

It's voice oozes out, " _I'm afraid I don't take orders from you of all people. No, no, this little game has come to an end."_ It chuckles, tilting it's head, no Danzou's head. He doesn't know what that means. " _I can start over now, you'll be back just as you always come back."_

"What the hell are you on about?" 

Danzou can feel a smile stitching across his face. He fights against it, but nothing is working. And he's tired and he's 

_Moving._ Fast. Too fast, going straight for Madara-sensei's throat with his sword, faster than he ever thought his body could move. Madara-sensei blocks him, eyes wide as sparks flew off to the metal, too hard and too close. 

Madara-sensei is fast. He breaks away, swiping at Danzou's legs, but he's already out of the way. Gathers two knives with explosive tags out of his pouch, and _no. No!_

Throws them straight at Kagami and Homura. Tobirama-sensei grabs them, fleeing out of sight for a moment, but as the explosions rock the ground, Danzou moves away. He can't keep his eyes on his friends, can't do anything except watch as he matches blows with Madara-sensei. He's faster because he's younger and because whatever is on him knows how to fight and fight _well_. He dodges every punch, jumps easily over every sweep of his leg, matches his kicks with his own, faster and faster. 

And it doesn't hurt. That's the problem, isn't it? Madara isn't hitting him hard, not anymore than he does during training session. His blades aren't going after arteries or organs, doesn't aim for his soft neck. He isn't trying to hurt Danzou, he's not using his gunbai, he's using the round end of his kunai for strikes. 

" _If you aren't going to strike like you want to kill, this isn't going to take very long."_ It says with a sneer, and it stops suddenly. Throws them both back, the sword in his hand so _so_ sharp and it points at Tobirama-sensei. Towards his throat, aiming even from the distance. " _You're collateral, but I don't mind. I don't need more than one mistake ruining my plans_."

Tobirama-sensei does _not_ turn his blade. He points it right back at Danzou. Or well, _it._ His eyes narrow. "Give us back the boy, and go on to whatever _plans_ you have." He glances at Madara. 

" _I don't think I will."_ It drawled back at them, low and deep. Not quite human, too low in octave, but not using Danzou's voice anymore. " _I need him_." 

"Of course you do, parasite." Tobirama-sensei replies, keeping his gaze on Madara. He pulls something from his pouch, something Danzou can't see, but it makes the creature recoil slightly. He can feel the interest and curiousity pouring from the creature. Feel it shift on his body and tighten it's hold like Danzou was choking. 

It's cutting off his oxygen. He tries to hold his breath, tell himself he doesn't need air, but his lungs burn all the same, and he tries to _fight._ Danzou tries to kick and twist, desperate to _get it off_ , but it doesn't matter. It's got him. It's choking and he manages to let out a strangle gasp and a choke. 

"Stop!" Madara-sensei _demanded_. Eyes dart to Tobirama. "We need a plan." 

"I'm _thinking_."

Not fast enough. Not fast enough, he's going to--

His head spins. Black spots invade his vision, and he wants to fall down, but he's being kept up by force. Like he was caught in hot tar. 

It lets go. He breathes in as much as he can, the invading air stinging his lungs, and he coughs. Coughs again, chokes a little. Looks up.

"Sensei." He mutters, coughing, but the rest of his words are caught in his throat. He can't say another word as he takes over control again. Madara-sensei frowns, not moving closer, and Danzou couldn't keep his head straight. Couldn't think. 

Tobirama-sensei and Madara-sensei are talking, fast, quietly, discussing things he can't hear. 

**_Are you ready?_ ** It whispers into his head, slowly and knowing. **_I'm going to rid the world of those undeserving miserable creatures._ **

Danzou feels himself running forward. 

And he's absolutely powerless in his own body. 

**_____ **

"We need to pry it off of him!" Tobirama informs, glancing backwards towards the thick forestry he's placed the genin at, out of the way and safe. Madara ducks under his student's leg, easily falling backwards to avoid the sword coming towards his throat. Throws himself forward, kicks the boy in the stomach and sends him flying backwards but he catches himself.

Snow and mud _blow_ upwards from the force of the boy sliding backwards, but he's still on his feet. Still moving forward, hands sliding through hand signs so _familiar_ that it takes Madara far too long to adjust and fight back. 

His own hands are faster, even several beats behind. Fire meets fire, hot and burning and _bright_ . So powerful the mixture of flames turns into a _hot destroying_ blue, but it isn't normal. This doesn't feel like Danzou's technique, or his chakra. 

Tobirama appears beside him, frowning as always. "It's draining his chakra and using his techniques." He tells him, eyes not wavering from the flames. He prepares five shuriken, waiting for him. His student comes through the flames, half of his face blank of emotion, the other half of his body shrouded _by_ black malleable flesh, inching further and further onto his body as time passed. It wiggled and tightened around his student's flesh, and Madara didn't know what he was supposed to do. The shuriken bounced easily off of the boy's sword, and he landed beside Tobirama, going after him with deadly precision. 

That isn't Danzou's skill either. He's many things, but a swordsman isn't one of them. Madara couldn't pound Kenjutsu into the boy's head if he tried. Tobirama meets his blade with his arm guard, holding him still and shaking from the effort. That _thing_ smiles, long black tendrils opening into the shape of a wide grin, twisting its features, and it infuriates Madara more than he thought it ever would. 

Once it was off his student, he was going to burn it to ash. 

Smoke, stinging thick smoke clouds around them, the air hot and heavy, and Madara springs forward, blade in hand, going after _it_ from behind. He shoves a knife deep into the monsterous black flesh while it was distracted by Tobirama, trying desperately to make it recoil _off_ of his student, trying to kill it and peel it off. 

But all he gets in response is a pained cry. Not from the creature, but from the kid beneath it. The black inky body wiggles into a small opening around his blade. The black was unscathed easily stretched and remade, but the human wasn't so lucky. Bright, _bright_ red blood soaks into the cloth that he could see of the kid's shirt. It was going down Danzou's shoulder. 

Out of the shoulder that Madara just shoved a kunai through. He stares at the blood in shock, in absolute _horror_ , just _staring_ because he just stabbed the boy. He just stabbed his own student. Madara completely freezes, disgust and nauseous overwhelming his senses, but Tobirama pulls him out of the way. 

Just in time for him to avoid nearly being beheaded by the waves of wind coming at him, the strength of the waves being _visible._ Chakra somehow being visible was a sign of strength, and Madara felt a surge of pride beneath all of the panic and rage. He's seen Danzou do this before, not at this level, but it's been visible before. He counters with a blast of wind chakra, the bursts of air turning a vacuum that goes _boom_ when it twists out of air against each other, but Madara steadies himself with chakra. Tobirama is caught up in the onslaught of another burst of wind jutsu, faster and harder, like the outside of a tornado, sending them both tumbling. 

Danzou's fighting through it, throwing shuriken into the mixture, the wind sending them out randomly and at them far harder than what he could throw. Madara squints against the wind, his hair blowing wildly, like an extra layer of gravity, his air being sucked right from his lungs, everything heavy. His feet dig into the dirt, clinging, but the ground is mushy and soft, just mud and slush, and it sends him flying back. 

Tobirama shouts something lost to the wind. Madara hits a tree, _wham_ , his head cracking against the wood, and he blinks away the blurs in his vision. Waves and waves of thick, rotting chakra overtake the field as it twists into Danzou's techniques, and he's got far too many of them. Madara's taught him far too many techniques, and that thing has far too much chakra without siphoning off of Danzou. 

Water _rushes_ past his face. So fast and hars the water sounds like the roar of a dragon, and it goes _boom_ against the water, and it breaks apart in the wild winds. It broke both techniques apart, actually, so heavy with Tobirama's chakra, like a thickened cement thrown forward. It _throws_ Danzou back and he rolled across the field. Tobirama's huffing, soaked by the backlash of his own water technique. 

"Careful. That's still my student." Madara sputters out, dropped down onto his feet, back aching from the pain of hitting the tree. He takes a deep breath, watching as the boy rises, blood trickling down from a broken nose not protected by inky black flesh. The creature twists across the boy thicker and thicker, going further across his chest. 

"I'm trying to be careful." Tobirama sighed, dropping to one knee, a bleeding cut across his upper arm. "He's talented. Is that him or _it_?"

"Him." Madara scoffed. "You think I let my students be any less than prepared? I train them to survive." But for all his efforts, for all the talent he tried to instill, they were still _here_ doing this. Still lost Danzou, and now they were fighting that boy. 

Frustration and embarrasment floods Tobirama's face, "When we're done…" The white haired man looked away, kept his eyes on the rising genin. "I may need you to show my students a few of these techniques."

Despite everything, Madara manages a smirk. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and activates his Sharingan. Not Susanoo, he can't risk it, he can't risk doing more harm than good, can't risk hurting Danzou anymore that he already did. 

"Finally accept my students are better than yours?"

Tobirama has the nerve to roll his eyes. Crosses his arms over his chest to _pout_ , though his face stays stoic. Madara doesn't know when he realized he could read the younger man's expressions, but he is. He can. 

"You've given them more Ninjutsu training, perhaps." Tobirama grits out, "But my team is superior, and if for any reason they aren't, it's because they were originally trained by _my_ cousin."

Madara scoffs, preparing himself for the next onslaught. 

"What's the plan, genius?" He asks, a new onslaught of blades coming at him, faster than he thought Danzou could throw. Too fast. That thing's adapting and changing, pushing the boy far past what he should be able to do, but that was worrisome too. 

Tobirama frowns deeply, "We need to seal it. I can't imagine it dying. We can _see_ it regenerating." He flips backwards, easily sending a wave of water in that direction with a single handsome. He's impressed, but he pushes the thought away. "The issue is getting it _off_ of Danzou to seal it. Anything we hit it with goes to him, not it." 

Madara's hands move fast, going for the offensive. He needs to be offensive, because he distinctly remembers teaching the kid as many offensive jutsu and tactics as he could to prepare him, but he isn't adept at defense, not yet. Madara had always believed defense was for the weaker of shinobi, hiding away and trying to fight dishonorably. Planning far more than those with the natural strength and talent necessary to win quickly and without hesitation. He feels foolish now, trying to plan with the white Senju, trying to dance around the boy. 

The man beside him easily creates two clones, and they take off towards his student. His bleeding, broken-nosed student that was possessed because Madara couldn't manage to keep him from being abducted.

It's a distraction. They need time. 

Tobirama's eyes are apologetic and distant. 

"I have a plan." He says slowly. "But there's a risk." 

Madara straightens up, sighing softly. 

"There's always a risk. Tell me quickly." 

**_____ **

Tobirama has his hands against his student's face, "I need you to do it, Homura. You _have_ to do it for this to work, do you understand." His voice comes out tight and rushed, _scared_. "Can you do this?"

Glasses bobs his head, yes. He has it on his hand, the ink pulling off the tag, onto his hand, staining it with chakra, preparing to use it. He has to use it at the right moment, at the right time. Madara is many things, so _many things_ (powerful, feared, hated, loved, a million things), but afraid isn't usually one of them. He's never needed to be afraid, unsure of his own abilities. He prided himself into being the best, trained to destroy and kill and protect. So sure of his abilities to protect Izuna, but how had that gone? 

Kagami swallows hard. 

"So I'm going to distract _it_ ?" He whispers, and a loud poof breaks the silence of the area. Down to one Tobirama clone. They're running out of time. They need to get the plan into motion. They need to be faster, so much faster, if that creature figures out what they're doing, he can easily _kill_ Danzou. He was _choking him._ And Madara can't take more loss, not like this, not because of _this_ faceless black bastard. 

"You have to get Glasses close enough to touch him." Madara pats his fluffy hair fondly, swallowing back his fears. Forcing his hand to steady. "It has be Danzou's skin, not that thing. You have to put it on Danzou."

Homura nods jerkily, and Madara isn't confident in someone he has trained and prepared. But they're out of options, out of plans, no way of winning this without hurting or killing his student. That thing has to be killed, it has to be removed, it has--

 _Wooosh_. 

Tobirama nods at his students, "Go." He breathes to them, and they both nod. They're gone in a flash of black and grey, off towards their friend and that thing. The _spark-hot-angry_ of Kagami's chakra overtakes his senses, hotter and hotter. Tobirama spreads a scroll across his lap, hand signs faster and faster, the ink shifting and rolling across the page, the formula shifting and adjusting as fast he can force it to. He wants to be impressed, wants to admire the talent and precision of the man, wants to make notice of so many things about the Senju, but his throat is closed. 

He's choked up by the thought of Tobirama's precision faltering when it matters most. Of having to rely solely on Tobirama's jutsu, the one that killed Izuna, as the means of saving one of his few remaining precious people. The irony, the cruel ugly irony of the situation and of this fucking world wasn't lost on Madara. He turns his attention to the fight. To Kagami with his wild flames and his thick chakra, hands and feet flying at Danzou and his parasite, waves and waves of chakra. Never backing down, but not enough of a threat to kill Danzou, and just _enough_ of a distraction to give Tobirama's student enough time to get close. To come close enough to touch. 

Madara has to be ready. He has time everything just as in sync as with Tobirama, it has to be _precise_ beyond any measure. It has to be--

The Senju is quiet and steady, "I'm ready to seal him." 

"Good." Madara winces as Kagami takes a blow to his chest, staggering backwards. His chakra whirls inside of him, hot and bubbling and _so so protective_. But he can't aid the young Uchiha, not yet, not when he has to be in time for their plans. 

But Glasses is quick. Maybe not particularly talented in... _anything_ , but he's proficient in seals. Good enough in being fast, getting in and out.

It's a decent plan. It's a decent plan, a ingenious plan, quickly designed and executed, but it's risky. It's so risky, he could kill Danzou. They could kill--

Madara sees it with Sharingan first, as if it were in slow motion. Just a flicker, just a _touch_ of flesh against flesh. A brush of Homura's hand against Danzou's neck, a smudge of ink. The marker is placed. A _tiger hand sign_. The signal. A signal before Homura is thrown twenty feet straight into a tree. He tumbles down, and Tobirama sucks in a breath, his eyes wide. His muscles tense and coil, but he doesn't move as much as he must have wanted to run to the boy's side. 

But he doesn't. 

He doesn't. He readies himself, and Madara readies himself. His eyes ache, burn and readjust to the familiar flow of chakra that bursts there. It's a hot, familiar mold, a painful tingle in his bones as the energy darkens and breakdown from fiery into catastrophic. Burning. Intense.

The creature's wide, yellow eye darts to him. It seems to realize something was happening, and suddenly they're out of time. They're out of time. 

Tobirama's eyes meet his. That isn't something that happens often, it's been trained out of both of them. He nods, and Madara does what he has always done when things were difficult:

He burns. 

He burns Danzou. 

Black flames, thin and precise, not the usual destruction of the Amaterasu that he had practiced and valued and used regularly. It was focused and strong, and so terrifying, and Madara's only prayed three times in his life. Once for his mother, once for Izuna, and now for this to end well. He burns the edge of the boy's shirt, setting the loose cotton aflame, and the black recoils immediately. 

_It has to move. It has to move. It has to move! It won't let itself burn just to keep clinging to Danzou, will it? No, no, fuck._

Tendrils pull loose, and it falls through against the ground like thick mud, pulling away, pulling so far, but the fire's spreading, and Danzou isn't moving to pull the shirt off, and Madara knew this would happen. Because of all the times for that Senju bastard to be too slow--

He blinks. Tobirama's gone from his side. And the shirt is thrown down, burning and smoking, black flames eating away at it. He's got his student clutched tightly in his arms, another blink and he's by their other students. Shoving the boy blindly into their arms. 

"Now!"

And Madara, pissed off, furious, ready to kill Madara is _ready for that_ . He roars more flames into existence, circling the monster, engulfing the monster in _black black black_ . Smoking it out, keeping it in place, furious. _So furious._ It screams, wails, angry and pained, and Madara makes the flames burn all the brighter. All the hotter, every fear, every anger, every emotion sizzling and _hotter better worse stronger._

"You tried to _kill my student_ ." He snarls, stalking closer. "You went after my other student. You tried to kill me, and I can handle that. That doesn't bother me, no, you aren't the first, but my STUDENT?" Madara doesn't mind the flames, doesn't feel the sting of ugly, _magma-hot_ chakra. 

Tobirama's shouting. "Hold him!" Appears beside him. Stops him mid-rage, calms him down with a raised hand, and Madara's temper has to cool. He knows he'll have time for guilt, self hatred, and anger later, but they need to handle this quickly. He keeps the flames around the creature, forces it still with his chakra, uses the ground as leverage and _forces it still_. 

Beside him, Tobirama has the scroll open. Large and black with all these ink seals that inch across the ground like snakes, formulas pulling long and staying in familiar shapes. Easily goes through his Amaterasu and wraps around the creatures. It yells and withers, dragged backwards, gagging out as they sink in like anchors.

Madara's never seen anything like it. 

It drags him like a leash. 

" _I was not-- I did NOT lose to you--"_ It shrieks, it snaps at them, pulling itself forward, twisting and singed. But it gets pulled all the same, dragged, and it's being _yanked_ into the scroll. Pulled into the scroll like a portal to another world from the stories that Izuna favored as a child. It screamed and cursed, and then it was

Just gone. 

It was gone, and Tobirama was on the ground. He was panting like he'd run across the Fire Country, wheezing, clawing at the frayed edges of the scroll, wiping a smear of his own blood across it. And it was over. It was over. 

And Madara feels like he can _finally_ breathe. His chest doesn't hurt so much anymore, it doesn't feel so heavy, and he leans down. Picks the chakra-exhausted man up and sets him on his feet. Licks his cracked lips, and stumbles forward. 

"Kagami?"

The Uchiha has his armour thrown off. Has his own jacket wrapped tightly around the other boy and his scarf tucked around his neck. He's grinning ear to ear, beaming. 

"He's a little burned. But he's okay. Homura went to go meet the others and tell them it's over." Kagami says, but he doesn't sound afraid anymore. He doesn't sound worried or scared, just so _happy_. 

Madara wants to keep that happiness. 

He goes over, leans down. Smoothes back Kagami's curls. Takes off his own cloak and swings it over his unconcious student like a blanket, and picks him up. 

"Let's go home." He says quietly. "All of us." 

Everything else can wait for a while. 

_**___** _

Danzou wakes up halfway back. He's being carried by Madara, and he's delirious. Eyes halfway open, entire body slumped down, and he blinks slowly. 

"Hey, sensei?"

"What, brat?"

Danzou's eyes flutter shut, "'m I in trouble for missing practice?" He asks quietly.

Madara actually barks out a laugh. Kagami stifles a giggle and Torifu snorts. 

"Of course you are, brat." Madara says softly. "But you can run your laps in a few months. Try not to get stolen next time, alright?"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *loudly and with passion* FUCK BLACK ZETSU
> 
> Only humanoid creature we semi-respect in this house is Guruguru


	13. the short way back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is ENTIRELY self indulgent of the happiness I want for my boys 🤷 I make no apologizes

* * *

He wakes up slowly to bickering. It's quiet, whispered, and far  _ far  _ too distinct for him to not know exactly who was arguing. 

And of course it was Tobirama-sensei and Madara-sensei. Wasn't it always those two? He keeps his eyes shut, steadies his breathing. His side hurts, his stomach hurts, his shoulder hurts. 

He just  _ hurts _ . But he's alive. He's alive, and his team came for him and they got him back home. (And though he will  _ never  _ admit it, not even under torture, apart of Danzou had thought that perhaps nobody would come for him.) 

"I did  _ not  _ say your team was better than mine." Tobirama-sensei  _ hisses _ quietly, obviously not trying to raise his voice, but still managing to go up an octave. "Do not put words in my mouth, Uchiha." 

Madara's  _ smirk  _ can be heard through his voice, "I'd like to mention it was  _ my  _ student that was giving you a hell of a fight. While possessed by a demon, too." 

"Most of his fighting capabilities was  _ from _ that creature." 

"Don't argue with me, Senju. My team outclasses yours in both talent, looks, and--"

"Looks are  _ not _ a factor in determining their worth as a team. Besides, have you  _ seen _ Hiruzen? Koharu? Homura and his cute little glasses?" Tobirama argues back, getting more and more irritated. But he's got a fondness in his voice, too, so Danzou has to interrupt it before it becomes another fight. 

He opens his eyes, blinking fast until his vision clears enough to make out the figures surronding him. Tobirama-sensei and Madara-sensei are standing at the end of the bed, glaring daggers at each other. He's lying on a very scratchy, uncomfortable hospital bed, and he's way too hot. He looks down, his chest bandaged, and…

Hiruzen was asleep on one of Danzou's arm, drooling all down his uninjured shoulder. Torifu was curled up on his otherside, snoring softly. And Kagami, for some reason, was  _ lying across  _ the end of the bed. Half upside down, arms and legs hanging opposite of each other. 

He really  _ really  _ couldn't fight the smile that basically sucker punched him into letting it slip onto his face. Danzou fought off a new round of tiredness, yawning until the two decided to give him some attention. Madara-sensei stopped mid-rant, turning to him. 

"It's about time you woke up, brat." Madara-sensei muttered, throwing himself down into the chair beside the bed. He leaned closer, brushing the hair out of Danzou's eyes, frowning. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I did something to piss off a monster?"

Madara snorts, "We all did something to piss that thing off." But he relaxes some, threading his fingers into Danzou's hair, ruffling it softly. "You were burned when we were getting that  _ thing  _ off of you, but the tree hugger managed to heal most of it. It's scarred, but a shinobi needs some war scars." 

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "I'm glad your awake, Danzou." He said fondly, smiling down at Hiruzen. "Everyone was worried."

"You too, Tobirama-sensei?" Danzou asks, despite himself, just for the thrill of watching the man nod. It was a whole new experience, knowing he had been missed, knowing that somebody cared if he were gone or not. To know that when he was missing, taken, they came to his aid, prepared to fight for him. 

That hadn't happened before, not in his future visions or at any point in his life. Nobody had ever cared for him like that before. And it made him feel warm and gooey on the inside, makes him soak in the attention and the love and the friendship. 

"I--" Danzou glances down, makes sure everyone's still asleep. They deserve it. He isn't sure how long he's been out, but either way, he knows they're probably exhausted from traveling for so long. A pang of guilt eats away at him. He should've fought harder, shouldn't of let himself get taken. "Did...did you kill it?"

"Sealed it away. And my sister-in-law is handling it, sealing it further away, privately so nobody will find it." Tobirama-sensei tells him reassuringly. "It isn't coming back." 

"Did you...figure out what it wanted?" Danzou asks softly. "Or why it came after me?" 

Because he still doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand much of what's happened in the past year or so, but he was tired and frustrated, and an actual _faceless_ , completely night black person somehow overtook his body, and he didn't remember much after the first time Tobirama-sensei kicked him across the clearing when they were fighting. 

(He remembers  _ it's  _ voice in his head. Remembers the way it choked him, overwhelmed him, their thoughts somehow coinciding.)

Tobirama-sensei shakes his head, "We would have to unseal it to interrogate it, and with it's parasitic nature, I don't believe that's wise." He explains, tucking a blanket around Hiruzen. 

Danzou thinks about the last years. Thinks about everything that's happened, thinks about everything he knows and everything he's fixed and the million things he might know later. 

"Maybe somethings are better not to know about." Danzou thinks aloud. 

Nobody disagrees. 

**_____ **

Touka-sensei boxes his ears when she visits. 

"I leave you with another sensei for a few weeks, and you let yourself slack off? Get kidnapped? I should make you run laps around the entire Land of Fire."

But her eyes are wet and she's smiling her familiar maroon smile, and then suddenly he's engulfed in a hug. 

"If you do that to me again," She whispers in his red ear. "I'll kick your ass, then bounce you off my stupid cousin's rock face like a ball."

"I know, Sensei." Danzou whispers back. 

**_____ **

He's discharged from the hospital a handful of days later. Medically, he's fine except for a few scars and Hashirama-sama basically  _ demands _ he take it easy for a few days, so he sends Madara-sensei to escort him back home (and apparently Tobirama-sensei volunteers for it too), which is fine because Danzou isn't sure how long he really wants to be alone, because the last time he was alone--

Well, he doesn't mind anyone taking him home. It's nice to have somebody to talk to on the way, especially since Hiruzen was sent on a few D-Rank during the day and Kagami's mom basically quarantined him to his house since he caught a chill from Danzou's retrieval mission. 

The issue about having these two taking him home is not only are they arguing like cats and dogs, they're passing the dirt road that leads to his house. And while  _ yes _ , he could just leave them and walk away all by himself, he's almost afraid of leaving the two, because the idea of black hands grabbing him while he's alone isn't ideal. 

"--which is why I don't understand why you would think such a thing!"

"You cannot just cut something open and call it science! Butchers do the same, but they aren't called scientists." Madara fumed, arguing back. From what Danzou understood, they were arguing about cadavers and the morals of cutting them up, or something similiar. 

"You just don't understand."

"Sensei, we passed my road--"

Madara huffed, bristling like an angry cat, "I don't understand? You want to dissect a faceless blob, and call it science. What exactly are you going to learn?" He asked, crossing his arms. 

"More than we know now."

"We passed my--  _ Sensei!" _ Danzou called out again, peering behind him as the turn off grew more and more distant. He finally had enough, tugging at their sleeves like a little child, finally gathering some attention from the feuding people. 

"Brat?" Madara asked, irritated. "What is it? I'm busy talking with the grave robber. 

"I am  _ not _ a grave robber. They were volunteered corpses." 

"Oh  _ yes _ because the corpses could argue with you about it."

"We passed my house!" Danzou burst out, shoulder throbbing. He adjusted his arm, trying to rub away the pain from the old stab wound. He huffed at the look of indifference on Madara-sensei's face and the apologies on Tobirama's. 

Tobirama-sensei stops, inclining his heads. "I apologize, Danzou. We were... _ preoccupied _ ." He gives Madara-sensei a very unimpressed stare, raising an eyebrow. "We'll take you home.  _ Now _ ."

"He doesn't live there anymore." Madara-sensei replies easily, but it makes Danzou's heart stop.  _ Oh. O _ h. 

That doesn't surprise him. If he thinks about it, it doesn't seem out of the ordinary for his uncle. There's been times he scored low at the Academy or embarrassed him in clan relations where his uncle deemed him 'unfit' to live at the clan house. It wasn't hard to go ask Sarutobi Sasuke to spend the night there, or to sleep in the garden until his uncle's temper tapered off enough to allow him back. 

It really doesn't surprise him that his uncle didn't want him coming back-- it was embarrassing, wasn't it? To lose one of your clan shinobi to kidnapping in their own home? Danzou wanted to lay down in his futon and sleep for  _ days _ , but apparently he'd have to ask Sarutobi Sasuke for another sleepover. 

Wonderful. Danzou sighed, kicking the mud and melting snow, muttering to himself. This  _ just  _ what he needed today on the day he finally got to go home.  _ Great _ .

Tobirama-sensei frowns. "What do you mean?"

"He'll be staying with me from now on."

_ Wait. _

_ What? _

" _ What _ ?" Tobirama-sensei sputters out, chasing after Madara-sensei as he continues his steady pace down the road. Danzou jogs after them, wide-eyed, in a state of shock and unsure of what to say. "You can't just  _ keep _ a child. It isn't like a stray animal. He's a member of a clan."

Madara-sensei rolled his eyes, "A clan that didn't notice he was missing. They're irrelevant. That clan, that  _ man _ , is inefficient and reckless with their children. What kind of man  _ loses _ track of his nephew? Or so willingly chose to sacrifice him? No, that idiot lost the privlege of having my student."

_ Wait what? _

"You-- you--" Tobirama-sensei buried his face in his hands, clutching at his temples, shaking his head rapidly. "You  _ cannot  _ keep a child. You cannot steal a child from a prominent clan. There are protocals and  _ rules _ in place." 

"And  _ who _ intends to stop me? Mitsu, that  _ idiot _ ?" Madara scoffed, flipping some of his hair across his shoulder. He shook his head, glancing at Danzou. "You'll be staying with me now. You should be honored, I don't generally like children." 

That was a lie, but Danzou wasn't about to call him on that. He'd seen him with Kagami's little cousins, humoring them and helping that one little girl with the gap in her teeth pick flowers. He blinks again, unsure of what to say about that. About  _ any  _ of this. He wants him. 

Madara-sensei wants him. 

Tobirama-sensei follows after him like he's lost, just  _ gaping _ . Staring at Madara-sensei with the same face that he imagined fish had when they're reeled out of water for the first time. 

"Did you talk to Shimura-san before you decided you were keeping his nephew?" 

"No."

" _ Madara _ ." Tobirama-sensei sighed, rubbing at his temples. He looked entirely  _ done  _ with the entire situation, and Danzou didn't blame him. "What do you think is going to happen when Shimura-san notices his nephew is gone?"

Madara-sensei blinks. 

"If he didn't notice the first time," He says slowly. "What makes you think he'll notice this time?"

Tobirama-sensei, wisely, says nothing else. 

**_____ **

"Anija, you have to make him give him back."

Hashirama offers him a blank stare, "Give  _ who _ back?"

"Danzou."

"Never heard of him in my life. You mean the dark-haired boy that lives with Dara now? I think they're long lost cousins." 

" _ Anija _ ."

**_____ **

"Danzo, what the  _ fuck _ is that?"

Danzou blinked, snuggling further into his summon. Baku purred against him, a mixture of animal noises that was music to his ears. 

"This is Baku."

Madara-sensei gives him a withering stare. "You have a very ugly cat." He grumbles, shaking his head, walking down the hall. "I'm not buying it litter."

**_____ **

Kagami is tied to his hip. Truly, now that he can see Danzou whenever he wants because all he has to do to see him is to walk six doors down in the Uchiha compound to Madara-sensei's house. Which, admittedly, isn't too much of a hassle because it's nice to have someone at the house that welcomes him. 

It makes him warm in his chest, so grateful and happy to have people to come home too. (Not that he leaves the house much. When the Hokage says bed rest, he means bed rest.)

"You should teach me that wind vacuum jutsu."

"Yeah." Danzou says, chewing on his last onigiri. Madara-sensei doesn't cook, but Uchiha Kaen's sweet wife with her grey hair always brings food by there on the weekends. He does  _ not  _ share with Kagami. "I'm not doing that." 

"Danzou!"

"Kid," Danzou begins, like he's some adult when (in reality) he's only a month older than Kagami . "You're only twelve, not even a teenager yet. Me and Hiruzen are adults now. I'm staring at a baby. An  _ infant _ . A baby I'm friends with and love very much, but still a baby."

"You are  _ 32 days  _ older than me, Danzou!" Kagami argued, flustered and  _ blushing _ . "You turned thirteen a week ago, you don't get to say that!" He exclaimed, pouting. He glanced sideways at the closed shoji doors across from the enigawa. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"Something about a new division for the village?" Danzou isn't usually included in Tobirama-sensei and Madara-sensei's usual tea times, which is wonderful progress, but it was weird. For Danzou, it was  _ weird _ . Strange, this new warmth in a village that had always seemed so cold and unwelcoming and tense. 

And the tension was fading. And the visions were fading, and they didn't appear as often, and he felt  _ okay _ . He felt fine. He felt  _ fine _ . And what was he supposed to do with that? Being fine? 

He'd survived. He'd lived. He was happy and safe. Kagami was happy and safe. Hiruzen and Torifu were happy and safe. Nobody was taking eyes out of children's skulls, nobody was screaming in pain, nobody was being flayed alive, and Madara-sensei (who was painfully and overly kind underneath all that sadness) wasn't leaving. He wasn't going anywhere. 

He scrolls on the walls now. They were birthday presents from a man named Hikaku, who was Kagami's and Madara-sensei's cousin from two different sides of the family or something, but they were on his walls. And people who leave don't decorate their houses. 

They don't decorate, they don't steal a kid, they don't...they don't invite people over for tea. They don't buy Manju from the Hyūga district, they don't set up a little clay house for the stray cats that live next door and wander over. 

So Madara-sensei isn't leaving. 

He  _ isn't leaving _ . And Danzou can breathe a little easier, because he lived through being possessed and he saved Madara-sensei and he's

He's so  _ happy _ . He could burst. Nobody had ever welcomed him home before. He'd never wanted to go home before. He remembers staying out as late as he could, crouched in udon shops with his last few ryo clutched in his fingers, enough for  _ one more  _ cup of tea before the owner grew angry and made him leave. But now he doesn't have to do that. He doesn't have to sit outside in the gardens and he doesn't have to pray to a portrait of a father he can't remember. But now when he arrives, he can smell burnt sardines and he eats overcooked, gooey rice, and he's so happy to do it. 

"You okay?" Kagami asks, poking his side. He's wearing that stupid purple scarf that Danzou's going to steal in a few minutes when he takes it off. "Are you tired?"

"No." He says quietly, fighting back a grin. "No, I'm not tired. You said you wanted to learn that wind thing I used to kick Tobirama-sensei's ass?"

"Yes!"

"Okay." Danzou stretched, glancing back at the closed door where their two sensei were talking and taking tea. He felt just as gooey as that rice, just as warm and soft and sort of messed up. 

"I knew I'd get what I wanted." Kagami brags, but he's got that little smile on his face that he gets when he makes dancing monkey genjutsu in front of important founders. 

"Yeah, you always do." Danzou replies fondly. "Idiot." 

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing!"

**_____ **

"It's a stupid idea." Madara-sensei fumes, crossing his arms. "A  _ stupid  _ idea. Where does he get the nerve to ask me to support a stupid idea?"

"Hmm." Danzou doesn't really acknowledge what he's talking about, instead he tries walking faster. Just have to make it to the training grounds, he tells himself, halfway sprinting, but Madara-sensei grabs him by his shirt and hauls him back. 

"I'm speaking, brat." He mutters, basically dragging the teen. "A  _ police force _ ? A police force? It's...it's silly. To just give it to the Uchiha without a vote? They voted on Hokage, but not this. Just...a foolish idea."

But he looks so hopeful about it. 

"Oh." Danzou says back, but he isn't actually talking to him at all. He's going through his head, trying to rethink everything on his list of things to fix. Police force wasn't on it, was it? No,  _ no _ , that was safe territory. That was safe. This is  _ safe _ . 

"Maybe it'll turn out okay?" Danzou offers quietly, unsure of what to say or what to do. "It sounds like a good idea?"

Madara-sensei isn't directly talking to him, not entirely, but nods his head. "We would benefit. We'd be given more quarters to house a prison and the new base. Katsuki-chan could draw up the plans-- she's a skilled architect. A judicial organisation to ensure the peace within our own walls, both civilian and shinobi alike. A patrol  _ inside  _ the village." He continues mumbling to himself, giving a sideways glance to Danzou. "You might not have been taken, if there was inside protection to notice something wrong." 

"It's a good idea." Danzou says again, although something in his stomach twists painfully. And it isn't the day old fish that Madara-sensei  _ insisted  _ smelled good enough. "To have inside protection. It's a good idea." 

**_____ **

It is  _ not  _ a good idea. 

But Danzou doesn't know how to address that. He doesn't know how to scream and shout and demand that everyone  _ stop _ . It isn't a good idea. It will never be a good idea to give it to just  _ one clan _ . 

(Why can't anyone ever see what  _ I  _ see? He wants to scream, but he doesn't. He never does.)

So he excuses himself from the dinner table early one night, pushing aside a bowl of crunchy rise and oily miso soup where there shouldn't be any oil. That's not even an ingredient, he thinks. 

But halfway up, Madara-sensei stops him. 

"I need to talk to you." He says, setting down his chopsticks. He had his hair pinned up so it sat high atop his head, and he was relaxed enough to remove the kunai that were usually tucked in his loose pants. Obediently, he sat back down. "I...you've lived here for a while now. But I never thought to  _ ask _ whether or not you wished to live here. While Hashirama encourages the behavior, Tobirama made it clear I should ask." He shifted, crossing his arms. "This is me asking. If you want to stay living here."

And they'd never really addressed it, had they? It had been easy, natural, to fall into step with his teacher. It was like living at home, he had a room. He ate breakfast, he trained, he went home and ate dinner. Bought already made lunches because neither of them could cook well, or Torifu brought them lunches his mother or older sister would make. Madara-sensei didn't do many things that struck him as odd. He wasn't much of a talker to begin with, never asked about his day because generally his day was spent with him so he already knew. Sometimes they went out to eat, like when Madara-sensei would treat them to lunch but then it was only the two of them. 

"Brat?" Madara-sensei shifts again, obviously uncomfortable with the entire situation. "You can say no, I won't--" He cuts himself off. His eyes harden. "I won't mind if you say no." 

"I like living here." He says, honestly. 

Madara-sensei's face twitches. His mouth trembles momentarily. 

"Okay." He says simply, staring down at his bowls. "I'll clean up. You're excused." 

Danzou fled quickly before either of them have to acknowledge or handle the warm, familiar emotions bleeding through the air. 

**_____ **

"It's just  _ not  _ fair." Hiruzen says, his head sat on top of Danzou's. He was nearly three inches taller, and it was  _ infuriating _ . But he offered a passive smile. "I want to join the police force!"

"Sorry, have to be an Uchiha." Kagami teases, pointing at his back where the Uchiha fan was proudly stitched. He gave a sideways glance to Danzou. "Do you count? Since you live with us?"

Danzou blinked, lost in his own head. There were bags beneath his eyes, and he hasn't touched his skewered chicken yet. 

"Hm?"

"You aren't even  _ listening _ ?" Kagami complained. "Ugh, I might just let Hiruzen  _ have you _ . I'll go talk to Glasses, I bet he listens to me..."

**_____ **

  
  


For the first time in his entire thirteen years of life, Shimura Danzou has to invite a grown man to  _ his  _ house. Which, in retrospect, sounds a lot better than the usual fully adult man inviting a twelve year old to their houses in private. But he does. 

He invites Tobirama-sensei over for tea on a Thursday afternoon when he's well-aware Madara-sensei will be too busy handling the sobbing Shodai. Apparently, Lady Mito was with child, which was the center of attention in the village, mostly because the Hokage was teetering dangerously close to dehydration due to emotional distress. How the other villages respected them at all is a mystery. 

He finishes pouring the tea, although he's sure he's burnt the leaves because he isn't very talented in the kitchen. Tobirama-sensei gives a wary look. 

( _ Which isn't new, is it? He always did. Always looked at him in a mixture of pity and wariness, like he was a faulty explosive tag, like he was one fuse away from blowing everyone away. All because he favored Hiruzen and Kagami. Like Danzou only became a member of the Escort Unit by default-- _ )

"Thank you for inviting me, Danzou." Sensei says formally. He shifts, straightening his back. Grimaces at the taste of the tea, setting it back down against the coaster. 

Madara-sensei would wring his neck if he knew Danzou was wasting his dead brother's favorite tea, though it wasn't like he could drink it. 

"I--" He hesitated, wondering if he knew how to phrase this without coming off as suspicious. But then again, how many things had Danzou disrupted or fixed before that might have raised suspision that a thirteen year old boy shouldn't be able to know or do these things? "Tobirama-sensei, I think the Uchiha's police force is a bad idea!" 

He thinks of bodies littering the ground. He thinks of a cold night, a cane in his hand, his back aching with old phantom pains made worse in the winter. He thinks of children with their eyes closed in terror, tears tracks going down their cheeks. Dead mothers crushing the very babes they were running to protect. Siblings clutching tightly onto siblings, hiding, slaughtered under beds and in closets. A blade through the throat, an arm extended to protect his female companion. Fear frozen in place. Dozens and dozens of dark haired bodies, stained with so much blood it gleamed like a river from the scary stories Kagami  _ liked _ so much.  _ Likes _ so much. 

"Excuse me?"

"It's a really  _ really _ bad idea, Sensei!" He bursts out again, then bites down on his tongue. Winced at his own rudeness and enthusiam. 

(It's really fear.)

"You'll explain yourself, won't you?" Tobirama-sensei gave him an unimpressed stare. Danzou's eyes lowered to his tea, but he had added this to his list a few days ago when the new memories appeared and he  _ had _ to fix it. Had to atone for his actions and repent. Save the Uchiha clan from his hounding and misdeeds, his own reinforcement of policies made by Tobirama, diluted and lethal.

"I thought it over. The plans, Madara-sensei has been telling me about them." Danzou replies shakily. It was true, he did tell him about them, though. "You want the Uchiha clan moved further towards the outskirts of the village." 

"For more space, more quarters. It's an improvement upon what they already have."

"And the main base of the Police Force will be in the old prison?"

Tobirama-sensei visabally hesitated, "It's already equip with holding cells and fortified."

"Uh huh." Danzou rubs his forehead, a headaching beginning beneath his skull. "We might to talk this out more."

"I can explain it, if you have questions." Sensei's entire demeanor morphed into something  _ tired _ , as if the entire argument is easily finished and isn't worth his complete attention. Danzou was amazed. Was Tobirama really that blind to the implications? What did he not understand? He places his hand against his teacher's shoulder, sighing.

"Tobirama-sensei, I had always respected your position and upheld your leadership as a founder. I really do respect you." Danzou hesitates for a long moment. "But you are  _ an idiot. _ "

Tobirama blinked in surprise. 

Danzou begins his long drawn out mental list of things to fix. "The main headquarters  _ will be  _ a prison. Which will be in the Uchiha compound. Do you think people, civilians and shinobi alike, will trust a clan that runs the  _ prison _ ? And having the military police forces them to be a neutral party so they can't be on the council."

His eyes close, "The Uchiha will still have a place on the council as an advisor, Danzou." Tobirama says steadily. But his voice breaks off. 

"But do they have a  _ vote _ ?"

The silence was answer enough. They both know it. 

"It was meant to be a show of trust," Tobirama says very softly, expression pinched. He stares down at his hands, his thumb against the rim of his cup. "It was meant with good intentions." 

"Yeah, I-- I think a lot of bad things start with good intentions." Danzou offers because he thinks of a different life with different memories. He thinks of clawing out Kagami's eye from a different person, thinks of sobbing against Torifu's grave in private and thinks of taking in his first Root recruit (an orphan, a lonely little girl with big grey eyes who had so  _ so _ much potential). He thinks of a million bad things clinging to the hope of doing a good thing. "I don't think you need a show of trust. The Village has never  _ not  _ trusted the Uchiha clan. Maybe you're overthinking it."

Tobirama-sensei says nothing.

"Open up the police force to everyone." Danzou advises, because that's his only solution. The police force was a  _ good _ idea, it really was! It was smart, strategic, and it made sense to have shinobi to keep both civilians and other shinobi in line and abide by the laws. "It'll help interclan relations, too! A lot of people want to help protect their home! Even Hiruzen! Maybe, maybe there are long term effects that you didn't think of!"

Silence.

Danzou's voice rose higher and higher, and he fought back tears, blinking rapidly. He swallowed down disgusting tea, and didn't say anything else. He could fix this. He could control the outcome of this. He couldn't control being kidnapped by a black  _ monster _ thing thateveryone was too afraid to let out and kill so Danzou could finally relax and feel safe. He couldn't control being forced to relive a future he doesn't want again and again, in excrutiating detail. But he can try to control this.

He needs to control  _ this _ . 

"That could work. I'll think on it." The man replies, his lips twisting a small smile. "Thank you for inviting me over for tea." 

Tobirama ruffles his hair fondly before he leaves. 

Danzou hurriedly wipes his face with the face of his hand, and he feels  _ victorious _ . 

**_____ **

Spring comes. 

And with spring comes a new building in the middle of Konoha, tall and shiny and new with barracks and a shuriken symbol etched onto the front in a shiny green. 

The Military Police Training and Work Base. It's new. It's open to all recruits with the rank of chūnin and above, civilian born or from a clan. Hiruzen is determined to join when he becomes a chūnin after they take the tests for next fall, which doesn't really surprise Danzou because Hiruzen's always up for a fight, but he's far too passive for a full blown war.

(The memories of the three shinobi wars are always in the back of his mind, but he'll prepare for that when it comes.)

Torifu has Danzou on his back, easily toting him around the training grounds, swinging him around and around. 

"Why do you think Madara-sensei pushed practice an hour back?" Torifu wondered, although he made a point of throwing Danzou up and catching him again.  _ Boasting his strength.  _ "This is so boring."

"Who knows?"

"You should, you live in the same house as him." Kagami notes, but he seems just as content doing his handstands and stretching his legs out. He yawned softly, and flipped back until he landed on his butt. 

Danzou shrugged. "Maybe Shodai-sama is making him run practice drills for when Mito-sama goes into labor again?" He offers, but he isn't actually sure. 

"Why are they doing that so early? Mito-sama isn't even that big yet."

A rush of wind and leaves. 

Ah, there--

Wait. Why was Touka-sensei standing beside Madara-sensei? They weren't friends. They didn't even really tolerate each other, other than the fact they both got a kick out of teasing Tobirama-sensei.

"Brats." Madara-sensei greeted, affectionate in the way he pressed a hand against Torifu's head. "Favorite brat." He said to the Akimichi. 

Kagami pouted. Torifu  _ beamed _ . 

"Hello, Touka-sensei." Danzou greeted cheerfully. He gave the man a sideways glance, trying to figure out what was happening by the look of his face. But Madara-sensei revealed nothing. 

Touka-sensei gave him an easy smile. "Danzou," She greeted back. "You look well. You all do. Apparently I could trust you with my squad, Madara-san." She said to the Uchiha, who huffed like she'd just slapped him. 

"Of course you could." He huffed, and then glanced at them. "Alright, brats, I've come to tell you the news. As of right now, my position as temp genin leader is dissolved. Touka-san is going to take over her squad once again." His eyes are sad, but accepting, and Danzou gapes at him. 

"No!" Kagami burst out, but then stopped. "I love Touka-sensei, but we want you, too!"

"Thanks, Kagami." Touka-sensei mutters. 

Torifu sniffled, "We'll talk to the Hokage! Maybe we can do on-and-off sessions with you both." He offers. Danzou nodded vigorously, and Madara-sensei let his crossed arms drop. 

His eyes softened. 

"Come on now, brats, you're shinobi." He said, rolling his eyes, but his smile is fond. Affectionate. "Wipe your faces and dry your eyes. I volunteered to give her back her squad. I have other duties to attend to now that require much of my attention. It isn't like I've died. You all know where I live. You're welcome to come to me when you need help. I imagine I'll see you more often than not since some of you--" He shot Kagami a glance. "Are foolish enough to believe I don't know you climb through my ward's window at night."

Kagami pouts  _ harder _ , "I know you know, I just don't care." He mutters. Torifu finally sets Danzou down, and they all huddle together. 

"It won't be the same." Torifu huffs, but he glances at Touka-sensei with glee. "It's nice to have you back, sensei."

"It's good to be back." She glanced at Madara. And  _ bowed _ . "Thank you for training them in my absence. I'm sure I'll be impressed by their improvements."

Madara  _ flushed _ . "Sure you will." He stammered out, like he wasn't expecting this reaction at all. "I don't have weak students." 

"That's right!" Kagami announced proudly. "Team Touka kicks ass."

And finally, finally, Danzou feels like everything is right in the world. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be a few years in the future to give you a taste of the newly improved konoha. And then chapter 15 is going to be the epilogue and all I have to say about it is
> 
> :^) :^) :^)


	14. the road to the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no i only have epilogue left
> 
> my job and school is closed due to coronavirus
> 
> and this is almost over and I'll have nothing left to write 
> 
> what am i gonna do with all my spare time

* * *

"Wow," Kagami says easily. "I hate him."

Danzou shrugs his shoulders lazily, "We can't hate him. He's too handsome. It's easier to hate Madara." 

The twenty year old  _ gasped _ , offended. "It is  _ not  _ easier to hate Nidaime-sama, shut up." His dark black eyes turn back to Hiruzen, flaunting his new dark grey vest. The dumb monkey flexed his muscles, beneath the sleek black mesh undershirt with the little shuriken-shapes on them. "A  _ jōnin _ and now a captain of the Police Force? I  _ hate  _ him." 

"You only hate him because he outranks you."

"Barely outranks me." Kagami spits back, huffing. "I'm a tokubetsu jōnin." 

"It doesn't count." 

"It  _ counts _ ." Kagami stuck his lip out, pouting and swinging his legs down across the roof they were sitting on. "I want to punch him and kiss him at the same time, I  _ hate  _ him." 

"Do both." Danzou encouraged, swinging his legs down too. He lets them hang loosely, yawning and stretching his muscles out. Border patrols are boring, and he's only just returned. "I'm content being a chūnin." 

"Liar." Kagami  _ laughs _ , his big black eyes twinkling. "Although you're only still a chūnin because you offended Madara-sensei at his inauguration. Which was  _ hilarious _ , but very very stupid." 

Danzou gives the most  _ innocent  _ smile he can manage. 

"I really didn't do a single thing wrong." 

"You yelled 'you two need to just fuck' right across the village when Tobirama-sama put the hat on Nidaime-sama."

"Well." Danzou doesn't really have an excuse for that. He flushes, feeling the tips of his ears burning, and flusters immediately. "It-- it was  _ true _ ! And they did, and now they're married." 

"You told our father figures to fuck in front of the entire village." Kagami repeats, his smile wickedly sharp and cruelly teasing. "You're  _ very lucky  _ Nidaime-sama didn't demote you down to genin. You're lucky he didn't kill you. I would've killed you if it were me."

Danzou snorted, "I did  _ everyone _ a service. The fights stopped after they finally manned up and  _ did it _ ."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES! I think of them as my family!" Kagami cried out, scandalized. He threw himself off the rooftop, tumbling down with all the grace of a wet cat. "I'm going to talk to Hiruzen!"

Danzou calls out, "I thought you hated him?"

"I do!"

**_____ **

Hiruzen is far too excited about his uniform. "I look amazing. Right? Right." He says, like it was a well known fact. Like they were all thinking it. Well, Danzou was, but he'd eat his own headband (metal and all) before he said it to Hiruzen himself. 

The dumb monkey had a big enough ego without his help. 

"You look the same as before, but with a new outfit." Danzou offers boredly, trying very  _ discreetly _ to let his eyes rake up and down his friend's body. Because the armour ended mid stomach, more for apperance than use, and the mesh underneath was form fitting-- Kagami hit him hard, so maybe it wasn't  _ that  _ discreet. 

"I'm your boyfriend." Kagami looked scandalized. 

"So is he."

"Stop eye-fucking him. We hate him. A  _ captain _ after three years? That's obvious favoritism."

"I'm sure Tobirama-sensei would promote you too if you joined."

Kagami pouted, "Then I would have to work with Setsuna, and I can't stand Uchiha Setsuna." He yawned and stretched his arms behind his head. "Besides, I'm happy where I'm at. It's never boring working as a member of the Hokage guard platoon. I get to work with Nidaime-sama all the time. And he just  _ adores _ me." 

Which really hadn't been a position in the village until about four years ago, when a small war broke out among the great nations, and Hashirama-sama's life had almost been taken by a very talented assassin during the Battle for Kusanagi Pass, but Danzou hadn't been there for that. In fact, none of the original genin teams (chūnin then) had been allowed out of the village at the time, instead only being utilized as messengers, supply runners, and communication liasons. Madara-sensei had all but demanded his former students finally learn to stay put safely in the village.

And they finally learned to listen. 

That war, if it could be considered such, was snuffed out quickly by the Uchiha himself, through the combined forces of his raw strength and Tobirama's icy diplomatic manipulations. Apart, they were forces unto themselves, but together? No other village could compete with the vicious intelligence and strategic advantage Konoha had with the both of them. It was like a typhoon hitting a country that's never seen rain before, it was near impossible to outwit, out fight, or out diplomat those two. Danzou hadn't seen a single battle in the ten month war, not when his teacher was so willing to take the brunt of the fury in order to protect the village he loved so much.

A village that loved  _ him _ so much. He never worried much about Madara-sensei anymore. 

People that have framed pictures of their genin squad hanging in their sitting room don't leave the village. People who marry their favorite person to argue with (and former enemy) don't leave the village. People who learn to cook rice properly don't leave the village. People who become the Second Hokage by a landslide vote don't leave the village. 

"Madara-sama came by the police station earlier today." Hiruzen says suddenly, slapping his forehead. "Asking about you, Dan."

He held back a groan, collapsing into Hiruzen's arms. "What  _ now _ ?"

"Same as usual. For me to convince you to apply for the jōnin exams." Hiruzen leans in, nuzzling close, putting his head on top of Danzou's--  _ stupid monkey _ . Just wait until he hit a growth spurt! At twenty. 

Well, it would happen. 

"I'm happy as a chūnin." Danzou repeats for the millionth time. Kagami gives him a shrug, but he looks entirely  _ too _ curious for his own good. "I  _ am _ , and Madara needs to respect that."

Hiruzen looks aghast, "I still can't believe you just  _ call him that _ freely. No honorifics at all." He shudders dramatically. "Tobirama-sensei would actually gut me like a fish."

Danzou shrugs again. "I don't see what his problem is, he doesn't give Torifu any trouble for becoming a genin squad leader. That's still a teacher." He mutters, sulking. (Yes, sulking because pouting was beyond childish, and he wasn't a boy anymore.)

"Yeah, but he's a jōnin, love." Kagami answers, pressing a chaste kiss against his forehead. He gave Hiruzen a dirty look, glaring daggers at his new uniform. 

(The Hokage guard didn't get uniforms. The bitterness was strong.)

"Just take the stupid test. You can still be a jōnin and work at the Academy." Hiruzen replies easily. "It would solve all of your problems."

Danzou sniffed, nose in the air. "I'm  _ not _ giving him the satisfaction!"

**_____ **

"Yuka-chan, please stop-- I SAID DON'T! NO!"

He dove forward, barely managing to wrangle the kunai out of the girl's hands before she hacked off the Hyūga heir's son's ponytail, and she glared daggers at him.

"But Danzou-sensei!" She whined, high-pitched and nasally, and far  _ far  _ too young. "Hideo said I could! He wants a haircut."

Hyūga Hideo nodded _ enthusiastically _ , "I want a haircut,  _ please _ , sensei?" He motioned widely at his indigo hair, big wet eyes blinking up at him. 

Yumi had too much of a history of randoming shaving off hair with a knife. There were too many bloody nicks and too much paperwork involved to let it happen again. 

"Sorry, Hideo-kun, but if you want to ruin your hair, do it at your house. I don't have to fill out the paperwork then." With the confiscated kunai in hand, which was far too sharp and far too big for such tiny, chubby little hands, Danzou turned his attention back to his class. It was a relatively easy class, a good mixture of six and seven year olds. It was freetime, which Kase-sensei told him, when he was still training as a teacher, was a bad idea, but Danzou didn't like the idea of all work and no play. 

(Look at his own upbringing, how good did that turn out? He ordered the massacre of the entire Uchiha clan, kidnapped and tortured orphans, botched the White Fang's mission, and about a million other terrible things in the name of the village. Really, Danzou was the prime example of military indoctrination.)

However, his relative easy class was a nightmare about this time of the day, maybe because it was a full moon coming up or maybe because Danzou has always had some shit luck. Don't get him wrong, he  _ loves _ being an Academy teacher, he really really does. It was partly one of the main issues he had with Madara, their constant bickering over his future. He wanted him to be a jōnin, to take a higher position in the village, to rise higher and become more ambitious with his life, but Danzou...

Well, he was content  _ here _ . He was happy here, watching little Sosuke and his twin brother Banri fist fight over the wooden shuriken they were using to build a house. Yuka pouted in the corner, her lower lip trembling while his other students tried to comfort her as she stared longingly at Hideo's long hair. Uchiha Hisa, Hikaku's daughter, was licking paint off her brush, offering it to Ita (and probably spreading the flu, he knew she had). The kids were loud and rambunctious and so hopeful and Danzou adored it. He liked seeing them grow up happy and safe and teaching them to play ball and learn the basics. It felt  _ good _ , being a teacher. Natural, almost, but without the added pressure or cruelness. He could look out for these kids, make sure the orphans looked well-fed and unbruised. Danzou had put in Orphanage reforms that were somewhere in the monstrous piles of paperwork scattered around the Hokage's office. 

So yes, he felt he was doing something well. He was applying his systematic kindness to teach these children the same empathy and emotional diversity he had been deprived of in his first life, and developed in his second. 

(He never did quite figure out where the visions came from. As torturous and agonizing as they were as a boy, he had learned to be grateful for them. The lifelong nightmares were worth it for a better future for everyone.)

These kids were the future. His pride and joy, both civilians and clan kids, unparalleled in their chances and with more equality than any of the other generations. Good kids despite the ink-eating, hair cutting, constant crying, that time Hisa stabbed Harumi with chopsticks, those three tacks stuck in Danzou's seat and then his ass, the time Uchiha Taka started a fire in the back of the room and then tried to put it out with paper. Oh, that time Uchiha Hisa  _ stabbed _ Danzou, when they stole all of his lunch bentos, when Yumi cut  _ his _ hair, all of the snotty noses and sticky fingers, the untimely and class-involved death of the class pet, that time Uchiha Hisa stabbed Baku, the constant high pitched laughter, the time he learned he needed to wear a cup to class when that little Uzumaki heathen kicked--

"Danzou-sensei?" 

Doe-eyed Inuzuka Tsuki tugged softly at his sleeve. "Sensei?" She repeats, big brown eyes  _ shining _ . She was a favorite, polite and well-mannered. Her puppy, Gama, was just as little and cute as she was, and rode around in a small bag she brought with her everywhere.

He offers a warm smile, "Yes, Tsuki-chan?"

"I--"

She vomited all of his pants and shoes. Her sweet little pug puppy sniffed, trotted around, and did the same. 

**_____ **

He's out of spare clothes in the breakroom, so he washes it off the best he can in the washroom, trying to rid his body of the strong acidic scent. 

Yes, Danzou  _ adores _ being a teacher. He decides his new favorite student is the little Nara boy he never really sees because he spends his days napping behind the gym. 

**_____ **

There are good and bad ways to spend his days off. 

This is one of the bad ways. 

" _ Please _ ."

Hashirama-sama gives him a very  _ very _ formed stare. Readjusts on his knees and gives him a patient, agonized smile. Danzou could see the pain in his eyes and the desperate slipping through.

There were small hedge bushes growing off the roof. Blueberries out of the walls, and a sakura tree was very, very slowly wrapping around Hashirama-sama neck, like it was going to personally strangle him. Maybe it was a suicide.

"Danzou-kun," the former Hokage said fondly, smiling so so widely. He was acting as a client today, trying to persuade him into taking up a mission. "As a chūnin, you would make double the pay for this mission than you usually do. It's classified as an A-Rank." 

Danzou shrugs, eyes narrowing. 

"Hokage-sama, er, Hashirama-sama, respectfully, I'm only a chūnin because Madara-sensei is a spiteful man." He explains patiently, crossing his hands one over the other. "I've been on S-Rank missions before with Tobirama-sensei during the war. I'm perfectly capable of handling my finances." 

"You live with Madara." Hashirama retorts, and it looks like he's been punched in the face.  _ Repeatedly _ . "And my baby brother, and you sneak around like a horny teenager with Kagami-kun and Saru-kun every other hour. So no, I don't think you can manage your finances, because you can't even seem to move out." His face brightens up immediately, tone changing. "I have some pull still in the village! I can find you a wonderful apartment with a view-- I can  _ build _ you a house. But I need you to fulfill this mission." 

"Still no." 

_ Although _ his own house was a tempting offer. It would be nice to get away from the awkward glances over dinner when Madara and Tobirama made bedroom eyes at each other through thinly veiled glances and  _ loving  _ little jabs at each other that somehow turned into full blown flirting which turned into Danzou eating his rice alone outside to  _ escape _ . 

But he could survive that. He stayed at Saru's house enough that it didn't really matter, plus he was always welcome at Kagami's too. He stood his ground. 

"I would rather be tortured by foreign shinobi." He says  _ seriously _ . "Then to ever watch your kids again, Hashirama-sama." 

"They aren't that bad."

"If they aren't that bad, then  _ you  _ watch them, Hashirama-sama."

The man flinched, "Please, Danzou,  _ please _ . They are good kids. They really are, somewhere deep down inside!" He whispered. "You have teaching experience. The upstart new Academy teacher. It isn't a hard mission."

"You have to pay for an A-Rank to get anyone to  _ think  _ about watching them. They're  _ terrible _ . Hellions. Monsters. I would seal them away with Kyūbi in Mito-sama, if I could. I teach children, not monsters."

Hashirama-sama looked close to  _ tears _ . Good. Maybe if Danzou offended him enough, he wouldn't ask him to watch his demonic children. He didn't mind the boy, so long as he was kept away from his older sister. He was red-haired and cute, most of the time, and could be swayed away from tearing down the paper doors and threatening to set the house on fire with sweets and a long nap. But Asuka? Darling, little Asuka? With her father's dark eyes and her mother's red hair and a vengeful spirit's enthusiasm? A nightmare. The reincarnation of the monster inside her mother's stomach. Worse than the Kyūbi, no, he  _ refused _ . He still had scars from her cute little painted fingernails in his legs. Fuck no, he wasn't dealing with it. 

(Especially now since she was learning seals. Not worth it.)

He'd rather actually die. He'd summon the Shinigami himself, just to be sure, and even then, Senju Asuka might be able to scare Death itself away. 

(Genin squads weren't even allowed to do this anymore. It was forbidden, signed and stamped into the law by Tobirama-sensei himself.)

"Danzou,  _ please _ ." Hashirama whimpered, glancing at the shut door like it had eyes. It was just afternoon, naptime for the little heathens. "My wife is off visiting her family, and those two are going to kill me. I woke up to Nozomi standing over me, just  _ staring.  _ He just stares at me no matter what he's doing. Made a bowl of cereal without ever breaking his gaze! And Asuka giggles anytime I enter a room, and she just has this look in her eyes. Like she's already set the trap. I'm the prey!" He wails, then quiets. "It might be because we didn't get her that little paper doll when she was three. She  _ remembers _ ."

Keeps glancing at the door. 

"Your own kids wouldn't try to murder you." Danzou comforts as he stands up, already going for the window. Hashirama scrambles to his knees, half hysterical. 

"She would! She would, and she'd play with her doll while doing it!" Hashirama-sama cried out. "Please, just an afternoon!"

"Ask Homura!" Danzou called out the window as he dived out of, narrowly missing being dragged out by the vines that shot after him. 

And really, Homura's the only idiot that would do it. 

**_____ **

"If anyone pushes  _ anyone  _ out of safety deck or climbs on someone else to see the monument better, I  _ will  _ bounce you off the Hokage heads like a ball." Danzou tells his students in the exact same voice that Touka-sensei used to have all the time for his team. Unlike his team, Danzou's class didn't look afraid or very impressed. (They knew he was bluffing.) They were all holding onto loops of ropes connected to one another that Danzou spent all night crafting, just to keep track of them all. It was a new experience that Aiko-sensei (a seasoned teacher, who had taught Danzou's class to years ago) had thought of, a trip  _ outside _ of the Academy for learning, and she had praised the results of getting rid of the excess energy. 

So Danzou relented. He tugged at his end of the rope, glancing behind himself nervously as he once again counted the number of hands on his rope. All thirteen kids were accounted for, but thirteen was an unlucky number and his children were…

Well, he could contain them in a classroom setting, but outside? Where there were so many variables left to chance? He felt like Tobirama-sensei, trying to plan out reactions to various scenarios and analyze the situation. In all honesty, it was giving him a headache. If he had to visit Biwako for another round of painkillers, she might actually strangle him, hide his body, and steal his grieving boyfriend. 

"You see that head right there." Danzou says softly, as they slowly began their climb up the small observation deck built a few levels lower than the actual mountain. He points with his free hand, and Uchiha Hisa gasped, delighted. 

"That's Nidaime-sama." She said gleefully, big brown eyes shining. "He's cousin's with my Daddy."

"Right." Danzou praised, ruffling her hair. She was a sweet enough kid, when her temper settled and she didn't have access to any sort of weaponry or anything that could be used for stabbing. "That's Nidaime-sama." 

"He's handsome." The Inuzuka girl whispered loudly to Uzumaki Miho, who blinked and nodded enthusiastically. Hatake Iri pointed at it, whispering to Shin Nara. 

"Madara-sama is the strongest in the whole village. My mommy told me that."

He peers up at the likeness of his former teacher, which was really just the image of Madara, who he saw every night at the dinner table and every morning for breakfast. But staring up at it, always sent a shiver down his spine because he can remember so  _ distinctly  _ when it was Tobirama-sensei's face there, on that mountain. Then Hiruzen's, after that mission with the Escort Unit that Danzou prefers to shove to the back of his mind.

Things were different. The war never escalated into the First Great Ninja War, Kagami's eye was never stolen, Touka-sensei is alive and well, and Tobirama-sensei was Head of the Police Force. And he's happy to be Head of the Police Force, although Danzou doesn't appreciate his threats to arrest him when Danzou eats the last of the grilled fish. All of that bloodshed, all of those aches and pains would have to fade because they weren't Danzou's to mourn or regret anymore. 

They were like bad dreams now, not an unyielding reality. Madara-sensei was the Hokage. He wasn't dead, he wasn't gone, he wasn't erased from the history books as a traitor, he never drew his blade at a shinobi from Konoha. Danzou swallows hard, hoarding the kids towards the safety rail around the deck. Yumi gasped, her mouth opening wide like a fish, eyes about to pop out of her head. 

He forces himself back the present. Away from all the maybes and futures that aren't happening, that are long since happening. 

"That's Hashirama-sama beside Madara-sensei. They are close friends, and founded this village to end their fighting." Danzou tells them, his throat tight and he keeps staring up at the faces, and he's so  _ happy _ . He's happy that Hiruzen's in the police force, that Hashirama-sama retired to tend to his bonsai and his kids, that Tobirama-sensei enjoys being the head of his judicial organization, that Torifu's got his own team of genin and things seem to be going well with Koharu, and that Kagami's already made a name for himself as one of the best shinobi of his generation. That he gets to teach these kids about  _ his sensei _ , who's found a place in the village he had never really been a part of, and Danzou thinks of black humanoids and bad dreams and so many nights wishing to end it all. 

He thinks of how soft Kagami's lips are against his, of how well Hiruzen's hands fit into his, how well they all squeeze together in his small futon while struggling to keep quiet. Because even as an adult, Danzou still has to abide by Madara's open-door-with-company-rule, as outdated and annoying as it was. 

Hideo tugged at the rope. "Why didn't Hashirama-sensei and Madara-sensei like each other before the village?" He asked, wide-eyed. "Why did they fight?"

Danzou doesn't know how to address that to these kids. He was aware, as a child, of the history of the fighting before Konoha was founded, but even he hadn't seen a battlefield at such a young age. These children, chubby cheeks and little sticky fingers and such  _ innocent eyes _ , were born into a generation without that same feuding. They weren't raised to avoid associating with certain clans like Danzou's generation, as old feuds had faded out by now. They didn't realize they were any different from one another, because to them, they just belonged to the same village. 

"Well." Danzou says matter-of-factly, crouching down to get on their level. In his  _ teacher's voice _ , as Kagami called it. "Before we all lived here, there was a lot of fighting between the clans, but Madara and Hashirama-sama both thought…"

**_____ **

Danzou huffs when he arrives home. Toes off his sandals and rips off his vest, stretching his arms and clutching onto the piece of paper in his hands. "You had a genin deliver me an application?" He puts on the table, dropping to his knees, and the pair already eating blinked at him as their conversation stops. 

"For the jōnin exams." Madara tells him. He sets down his chopsticks, and Tobirama gives him a withering stare. 

"Madara, leave the boy alone." 

Madara huffs, "He isn't a boy anymore. He's grown, and he's  _ wasting  _ his potential staying at his rank." He hands Danzou two bowls, rice and beef, and the boy takes them without meeting his gaze. "Just fill it out. Fail it for all I care. I won't even make you really take the exam. I'll promote you either way." 

"You _will_ _not_. There is a system for a reason." Tobirama interrupts, crossing his arms. But his eyes soften. "Danzou wouldn't fail. We've all trained him too well to fail." He gives him a soft look, affectionately squeezing his shoulder. "You don't have to take the test if you don't want to. I've been looking over the progress reports at the Academy. I'm impressed by your work." 

"He doesn't have to quit the Academy,  _ husband _ ." Madara bristles, sipping at his tea threateningly. Danzou did the same, sipping it loudly and to make a point. The Senju just sighed. 

"I don't want to be a jōnin,  _ Hokage-sama _ ." Danzou grits out, trying to think of all the nice things in the world. Adorable little children, Kagami, Hiruzen, how much he loves watching Torifu mess with his genin, Baku, and a million other adorable thoughts. They aren't helping. 

The man glares daggers, "Why  _ not _ ?" He demands, falling back into the familiar argument that they've been having since Danzou turned twenty. It was easy enough to forgive his rank when he was fourteen or fifteen, but apparently  _ this  _ was the limit. 

"I'm content where I am. It is  _ not  _ that important. There is nothing wrong with chūnin--" 

"I  _ cannot  _ give the Hokage title to a chūnin, Danzou." Madara retorts, and then immediately regrets it. His face goes blank and neutral, well-practised and familiar. Tobirama-sensei  _ chokes _ on his rice. 

" _ What _ ?" Danzou demands, wide-eyed. 

"I want you to be…" Madara swallows hard, and they're approaching territory neither of them particularly care for. "I have every intention of passing the position off to you when you're older."

That pesky emotional part that they'd silently and mutually agreed to disregard and never speak of. The part where Danzou often considered Madara the closest thing to a father that had ever had, where he wanted to say Madara was the best thing to ever happen to him because it was the first time he ever had a house. A family that always put a place at the table for him, that always had room for him, where Madara-sensei had been willing to slaughter an entire village for  _ him _ . He was his family, the one who made tea on nights he couldn't sleep, but never asked about his nightmares. 

Madara was the one that bought Baku chew toys and blueberries, and carted him around everywhere like a pet instead of a summon. He was the one that began leaving an allowance for Danzou around the house, that escorted him to festivals like a doting father. The person who asked how many plates to set out because Danzou was known for sneaking in at least three of his friends at a time. He was the closest thing to a father that Danzou had, and he  _ knew _ he was the closest thing to a son other than Kagami. But those things weren't loosely said or openly admitted, they were feelings and actions, never words. 

They'd never needed words. Neither Danzou nor Madara were particularly  _ good  _ at them. And with Tobirama in this mix? It was a recipe for a disaster. 

"I--" Danzou's throat closes. He swallows down the rest of his emotions. He feels honored, really he does, to be considered for the position. To feel like he's inheriting it from his father figure, but he also feels ultimately conflicted. They don't say anything after that, and Tobirama's soft laughter is what breaks the awkward quiet. 

"You two are something else." He says, shaking his head. "You put me to shame, and I'm well known for being less than acceptable in my affections. Ask Anija." Tobirama sighs, giving them both a very amused stare. "He wants you to become his successor. However, it wouldn't look proper if you aren't at a higher rank. And Danzou, I'm not entirely sure  _ why _ you're so against taking the exam, but I imagine the entire thought process is as convoluted as my husband's. Foolish, the both of you." He takes a bite of his dinner, raising an eyebrow when nobody spoke up. 

Madara mans up first. 

"I can't let you inherit the Uchiha clan. You aren't-- you don't have the Sharingan. But, I think you'd do well as Hokage. You've...I--" He corrects, obviously uncomfortable with the obvious tenderness and affection. Danzou has the same awkwardness bubbling in his chest. Hot and new and a whole mess of parent issues he doesn't want to dive into right now because he will  _ cry _ . He will cry in front of the two people he respects the most in the world. So he pushes that aside. 

Danzou cuts off from saying more, offering a smile. "I understand what you mean." He blinks away whatever burning he feels in his eyes, and offers a shaky nod. "We'll see how it goes in the future, but for right now, I'm happy where I am. I don't need to be Hokage to feel like I'm...like I'm a part of this family. I don't need to inherit anything." 

"It isn't just that." Tobirama-sensei informs him, taking the responsibility of explanation from the Uchiha. "You're an intelligent boy, Danzou. Even years ago, as a child, you offered wise advice. You'd make a good leader." 

_ Then why did you pick Hiruzen over me?  _ He wants to ask, but he doesn't. Because those are old wounds, ones that have absolutely no place in this new future. Old wounds that have long since healed over and scarred, and Danzou has eyes only for the future. But becoming Hokage…

Doesn't thrill him as much as it did as a child. Or even as much as it did a handful of years ago. The lingering bitterness, anger,  _ rotting hatred _ over Hiruzen getting the title was tight in his belly, unused and unneeded, but still present. It had been a vile jealousy, like he had poison seeping through his bloodstream, but wanted Hiruzen to be the one to die, it was toxic. But that kind of anger, that resentment, had no place in his future. Danzou was, or had been, easily corruptible, and by no means did he want to go down any road close to that again. The easiest way to stay away from power was to not be in power, and Danzou was content. He was content as a chūnin teacher, far from power and the potential to do wrong. 

He was  _ happy _ being a teacher. He was sure he would be happy being Hokage too, but he also probably wouldn't be now. He had little patience for tedious paperwork, and he felt unwilling to be the one to assign the missions, to have lives in his hands. He had taken enough lives and made too many decisions for two lifetimes, he was tired of it. 

He did and didn't want to be Hokage. 

Tobirama's tone is dry and sarcastic, "Now hug and make up." He offers a charming tilt of his head. Danzou snorts, spreading his arms open mockingly.

Madara turned away. 

"He's too old for hugs. He's an adult now." 

"Come on, sensei." He teased, grinning. "I won't feel better until we hug it out." He spreads his arms wider, leaning over to him. "We need to seize these chances while we can. What if I'm kidnapped again?"

"I should have  _ never _ married you, Tobirama." Madara grumbled, huffing. "Or took  _ you _ in, you brat. You're both terrible. Both of you can leave, and I'll live alone with that ugly cat." But he still shoves Danzou into his arms for a hug. 

"His name is Baku." Danzou mumbles into his shoulder.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any fic ideas guys? i have 2+ weeks free, i'm going to die of boredom before corona ever gets me


	15. after ever after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dramatic bow* and that's the end, folks

* * *

Hiruzen was poking him in the face. Danzou groaned, rolling over and burying his face in Kagami's chest to get away from the irritating touch. He still had _just enough_ exhaustion left to easily drift back off in the warmth of two bodies shoved in a far too small futon, except Kagami has the nerve to pat his back. 

"Dan." He whispers into his hair. His breath tickles and sends goosebumps down his skin. "Dan, we have to get up." 

He shoves his head down further, letting out a tired hum of confusion. Warm, strong arms wrap around his otherside, nuzzling against him. 

"It's inauguration day." Hiruzen whispers into his ear. Ruffles his hair and shakes his shoulders. "C'mon, we gotta get up." But he doesn't actually make any move to leave their comfy bed, and Danzou sinks himself down _low_ into the blankets. "Dan, c'mon, you promised to go pick up the haori from the seamstress."

" _Mhmm_." 

"Dan, get up." Hiruzen groaned out, squeezing his waste. But why would he? The bed was warm, the bodies he was sandwiched between were nice and soft, and it was a dark morning. The sky was an ugly grey, because of the recent storms, and Danzou was _not_ getting out of bed this early. Hiruzen switched tactics, slumping against him. 

"Kagami, get your husband _out of bed_."

Kagami's laughter shook Danzou's head, but it was low and deep enough not to jostle him too much. Danzou squeezed his eyes shut, and clung to his tiredness. 

"Why's he _my_ husband when he won't listen? You married him too, you deal with him."

Danzou _huffed_ . "Shut up 'm sleeping." He manages to shuffle a spare pillow over his head, using Kagami's torso to replace it, and for a nice thirty seconds _everything was alright with the world._

Kagami ruins. 

Kagami _always_ ruins it. 

By stealing his pillow, and gently poking at his face again. "We have to get up, Dan. We're late getting up anyway, and we still have to get the kids up and ready." Kagami whispers into his hair, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. Danzou smiles at the touch, but very pointedly does _not_ open his eyes. 

"Kids like to sleep in. Leave them alone." 

And he _did_ very much love their children. He loved them as any doting father loved the kids he chose to love and care for, but the idea of seeing _any_ of them right now (cranky, whiny, and not cooperative) made him cringe. His bed, however, did _not_ give him such negative feelings. 

He wasn't getting up. 

Hokage or not, it could all wait until he was good and ready to get up. Does anyone realize how often he was left restless at night? How rarely the three of them had nights to themselves? There was always a mission where one or more was gone at a time. Or one of the kids wanted to come snuggle and play little octopus, kicking him in the face. Occassionally an assassination attempt, or Grandpa Madara and Grandpa Tobirama (and Kami forbid anyone ever actually call them that to their faces) decided they needed to come check up on the kids and then spend the night. Sometimes Torifu would drag one of them out drinking, and Danzou _refused_ to have a drunk in his bed. Or there was an emergency at work, or Danzou had nightmares, or this and that and--

No. All three were together and well-rested and the kids were in their own appropriate beds. Danzou was _not_ getting up. He would rather face down the Shinigami than leave this bed. 

"Come on," Hiruzen whispers into his ear. "Kagami only becomes Hokage _once_ , do you want to ruin that?"

Danzou gave him a blank stare. It was close enough to get him up and moving, but still just inches short of what was necessary to get him to move. 

The ceremony only started when Kagami arrived anyway, it wasn't like they would just pick somebody else. He offered a lazy smile to his Uchiha husband, slipping his fingers into his, and holding on tightly. 

"I'll make it up to you tonight." He whispers in a low voice, trying to fill the air with unspoken promises of all the hot and sexy things that could happen later. He assumes it works, becsuse he doesn't miss the way that the Uchiha gasped excitedly and tensed up. Kagami's eyes flew to Hiruzen.

"Saru, _Saru_ , I think it can wait a little while longer. It's just a fancy hat. Red isn't even my color." He whispers loudly, squeezing Danzou's hand tight. "Being Hokage's dumb anyway. It isn't a good position. I'll skip it. Find a better job somewhere else." 

"Did you really just say that?" Hiruzen asked, incredulous. "I actually can't believe those words came out of your mouth." 

Danzou hummed a soft tune, not of any particular song, but just to lull everyone back down into the same state as himself. He really should get up, he did promise to go get the Hokage's haori for Kagami. Becoming Third Hokage was a big deal, and Danzou couldn't have been prouder of Uchiha Kagami if he _tried_. It made sense, Kagami had always had the strongest devotion to the Village and was one of the most talented shinobi in the world. He's saved Danzou's ass far too many times for him to want to admit, and Kagami wasn't like either Hiruzen or Danzou in personality. Unlike those two (who, even as groen adults would still fist fight), he was generally peaceful. He wasn't passive like Hiruzen, nor easily swayed into dark thoughts like Danzou. He would be a good, fair leader. 

(He thinks of a different Hokage Monument. He thinks of Tobirama-sensei and Hiruzen. Now Madara and soon to be Kagami. He can't say he misses the old one.)

"Yes." He says easily. "Either shut up, or leave."

Hiruzen grumbles under his breath, like a grumpy old monkey, but he squishes together closer to the two of them. Like a giant squid out of the story books, trying to sink a ship, all wild limbs. 

He dozes off after that. Lost to the sound of his two favorite people breathing and the warm blankets and the dark grey sky outside. He doesn't know much time passes, but he jolts away at the sound of a soft knock against the door. 

"Come in." Hiruzen calls out, and he doesn't make out any footsteps. Danzou doesn't bother turning to see who it is. The only one of their children that managed to be quiet enough not to disturb anyone was the eldest and Danzou's favorite (he wouldn't tell the others). Orochimaru's voice is soft and hesitant. 

"It's nearly eight. Shouldn't we all be preparing to leave for the ceremony?" He asked quietly. 

Hiruzen strokes a hand down Danzou's back, amused. "Your father won't get up."

"Why is he _my_ father when he won't listen?" Orochimaru asks easily, obviously having far too long in Kagami's presence and inheriting too much of his smart mouth. The Monkey Man _sighed_ loudly, and slumped further against Danzou. 

"Hiruzem, if you try to bother me again, I will divorce you. You will be left penniless and husbandless. Now, Oro, c'mon." Danzou rolls off of the dozing Kagami, leaving just enough space between them for the pale-boy. He heard shuffling upstairs, and then Orochimaru was crawling swiftly into the futon with them, crushed between Kagami and Danzou, arms wrapping around his waist. 

The boy gave him an odd stare, but Danzou huffs. 

"Go back to sleep. This family is _not_ getting up this early."

Orochimaru lays his head against Kagami. "What if the other gets up?" He whispers. 

"We'll fit them in this bed somehow." Danzou whispers back, and then presses his forehead against the boy's like Kagami does so often. 

This boy he owed a great deal to, he thinks leisurely as golden-eyes fluttered shut, and so did Hiruzen. (Even if Hiruzen would never know it, Danzou would correct it himself.) He looks down at this kid and wonders how he could bring himself to ever emotionally manipulating him into doing more unethical experimentations, which wasn't all on Danzou, but he had done a number on the poor man. Not this time, never this time, he would be raised safe and happy _here_ with them, without ever having to feel the same hurt as before. 

"I give up." Hiruzen lays his head on Danzou's shoulder. "I tried to be responsible. I _tried_. But I'm exhausted from it. I'm going to sleep. I can't deal with you…"

Danzou smiles, eyes closing. "You love me."

"Yeah, I do. But Madara-sama's going to be _pissed_ over this."

Danzou can't help the happy laughter bubbling out of his chest. He can't contain it, bursting out like water trickling from a broken dam, little and little and _gone_ . He heaves from breath, so _happy and_ content, and warm. Touka-sensei's going to tear him apart for being late, especially since she was getting to stand up at the top of the tower with them, but she was still around to be angry. Tobirama was going to be irritated at the lost time with Orochimaru, as he and the boy were always going over jutsu and science and a million things that made Danzou's head spin. Torifu was bringing his daughters to the ceremony and his wife Koharu, and then they were all going drinking. Homura would be there too. Their teachers were going to take the kids for the night, and the kids would be there at the ceremony even if they were late, and everything was alright. He had a family, kids and husbands, two fathers and plenty of godchildren and Hashirama-sama and his hellions, and little Tsuna, and everything 

was perfect. 

It was so perfect. He's so fucking happy. He's so happy to have everyone, and to be with everyone, and to have survived it all. 

"What's the worst Madara is going to do?" Danzou spits out through his laughter. "Get so angry at me for being late that he abandons the village and attacks us with the Kyūbi?"

Nobody else seems to get the joke, but that's okay. 

Danzou's the only one that needs to understand it. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagami as Hokage? yes pls


End file.
